natka is offline natka Post #1  November 2,2009, 6:18am
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was seeing this guy who i thought was the cat's pjs. two months into our relationship things fell apart. lack of phone calls. lack of contact. relationship was obviously just physical and he didn't make any effort to continue to get to know me. etc...
suddenly he tells me he doesn't know what he wants and needs time. we talk through the night and i am very understanding (either i am too nice or an idiot....). continues to hug me and kiss me and gets upsets when i refuse to kiss him goodnight/goodbye.
doesn't call for two months. no contact at all.
deletes me from his facebook friends list. (that's when you know it's over hahha!).
three months later sends me a text. tells me he misses me wants to hang out blah blah blah....
of course i was a little angry and bitter and defensive.
but why should i start things up again if i know i am going to get hurt?
Or should i put it behind us? Maybe people do change? Or maybe im just a silly woman who should know better?
----
this scenario keeps happening. i am not perfect don't get me wrong, but i am a normal person who is faithful, compassionate and every guy seems to fall for me. the only problem is they don't stick around. but end up coming back. maybe i am doing something wrong here? maybe my relationship "skills" are not up to par? maybe i have bad karma?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  November 2,2009, 9:02am
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I dunno.

If this really is a pattern, you really need to sit down and analyze your actions in a relationships to see where you go wrong, then fix it.
 
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shellyg is offline shellyg Post #3  November 2,2009, 6:37pm
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natka wrote :
was seeing this guy who i thought was the cat's pjs. two months into our relationship things fell apart. lack of phone calls. lack of contact. relationship was obviously just physical and he didn't make any effort to continue to get to know me. etc...
suddenly he tells me he doesn't know what he wants and needs time. we talk through the night and i am very understanding (either i am too nice or an idiot....). continues to hug me and kiss me and gets upsets when i refuse to kiss him goodnight/goodbye.
doesn't call for two months. no contact at all.
deletes me from his facebook friends list. (that's when you know it's over hahha!).
three months later sends me a text. tells me he misses me wants to hang out blah blah blah....
of course i was a little angry and bitter and defensive.
but why should i start things up again if i know i am going to get hurt?
Or should i put it behind us? Maybe people do change? Or maybe im just a silly woman who should know better?
----
this scenario keeps happening. i am not perfect don't get me wrong, but i am a normal person who is faithful, compassionate and every guy seems to fall for me. the only problem is they don't stick around. but end up coming back. maybe i am doing something wrong here? maybe my relationship "skills" are not up to par? maybe i have bad karma?
WOW!! We must be related. (HA) This happens to me ALL the time. I am currently analyzing this to try and figure out what I am doing wrong. I have tried different approaches and have gotten the same results. I am still at a loss. In my experience they start dating another lady and when that does not work they bounce back to me.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #4  November 2,2009, 6:38pm
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Well, maybe he misses you because all his other gal pals are not falling for that "let's hang out" line that is clearly his metaphor for "I need to get some."

No offense, but why would you possibly want to try again with someone who treated you with such negligence?
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #5  November 3,2009, 11:20am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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Analyse what you mean when you say "every guy falls for me"

In a relationship without complications, 3rd parties or external and difficult influences falling shouldn't be switch on and off-able.

I only wish it were, I'd have flicked the off switch on my ex years ago but that's another thread.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #6  November 3,2009, 9:13pm
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natka wrote :
was seeing this guy who i thought was the cat's pjs. two months into our relationship things fell apart. lack of phone calls. lack of contact. relationship was obviously just physical and he didn't make any effort to continue to get to know me. etc...
suddenly he tells me he doesn't know what he wants and needs time. we talk through the night and i am very understanding (either i am too nice or an idiot....). continues to hug me and kiss me and gets upsets when i refuse to kiss him goodnight/goodbye.
doesn't call for two months. no contact at all.
deletes me from his facebook friends list. (that's when you know it's over hahha!).
three months later sends me a text. tells me he misses me wants to hang out blah blah blah....
of course i was a little angry and bitter and defensive.
but why should i start things up again if i know i am going to get hurt?
Or should i put it behind us? Maybe people do change? Or maybe im just a silly woman who should know better?
----
this scenario keeps happening. i am not perfect don't get me wrong, but i am a normal person who is faithful, compassionate and every guy seems to fall for me. the only problem is they don't stick around. but end up coming back. maybe i am doing something wrong here? maybe my relationship "skills" are not up to par? maybe i have bad karma?
Ahh, the excitement of the bad boy! A man who's in control! And so great in bed! Perhaps once you have him physically, you'll have him emotionally as well. The challenge awaits...

Sounds great doesn't it? Unfortunately, time and again, the scenerio plays out the way it has for you. Apparently, this has played out for you the same way on multiple occasions.

Just once, try seeing what a "nice guy" has to offer.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #7  November 3,2009, 9:41pm
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When a guy like that disappears for two or three months at a time, when he resurfaces your only reply should be:

"Who is this?"

If he should bother to reply to that, send ONLY one last message:

"Oh, you...."

Do NOT consider "getting back with him" for even one second. You can forgive, but DO NOT forget! If you allow him to treat you like that, you will only get more of the same. You deserve to be treated better.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  November 4,2009, 6:06pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
When a guy like that disappears for two or three months at a time, when he resurfaces your only reply should be:

"Who is this?"

If he should bother to reply to that, send ONLY one last message:

"Oh, you...."

Do NOT consider "getting back with him" for even one second. You can forgive, but DO NOT forget! If you allow him to treat you like that, you will only get more of the same. You deserve to be treated better.
I absolutely 100% agree. If you encourage him to act this way, then he's going to think you're okay with it. Doing what Wonderwoman suggested will let him know that this is the way WRONG way to treat you.
 
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