Dear HandsomeItalian,

Welcome to eHarmony Advice (eHA) and thanks for posting!

You mention that when two people are like-minded in being independent, it's hard to come together to get to know each other.

Your statement reminded me of something I read by Dr. Neil Clark Warren, eHarmony's founder, to this effect, "Marry a person a lot like you," and "Opposites attract and then attack."

It does make sense and he should know as he has over 40 plus years of counseling and research in the field and has seen what makes marriages work and not work.

It seems that independent people would be attracted to independent people like themselves rather than a more dependent type person.

Perhaps the independent woman's aloofness that you mention is more because she's not interested in that particular man rather than because she's independent.

I know, and have known, quite independent women, and when the right man came along, there was no aloofness. One lady in particular who I knew in college, highly educated with a Master's in Physics and accomplished, asked various men out, found one she liked, and proposed to him. He accepted and they've been happily married many years.

Yet another lady in college asked her husband out and eventually also asked him to marry her. He did and they, too, have been happily married for years.

Those are just two examples of many woman that I've observed along the same lines.

Keep in mind that being independent and being a companion with another who is also independent and wants a romantic relationship is not mutually exclusive. It all has to do with the other person and if the people are attracted to each other across the four levels: Mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. These four must all be there for any relationship to work whether the people are independent, dependent, or one of each.

Think about all the independent people in the world in very happy, successful marriages: Barack and Michelle Obama, George H. W. and Barbara Bush, the former Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, Sarah and Todd Palin, Heidi Klum and Seal, Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, Joan Lunden and Jeffery Konigsberg, Connie Chung and Maury Povich, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and on and on.

Keep hope. One day you will find the lovely, young independent woman of your dreams and she will find a handsome, independent man in you!

Be encouraged. Write and let us know how you're doing.

JavaJava5

I do think that both are true.

As far as the actual workplace... well that depends on the environment.

The fact that there are many workplace romances going on does suggest that there is a lot of flirting going on.

In most workplaces, there is a certain amount of hooking up going on. Some require more discretion than others though.

I know that many people warn against it but I know that I would not let the fact that I worked with someone stop me if I saw long term potential.

You still have some people that play at work frivolously but many will be only very selective.

I think that most women are not going to be bothered by a man's actions to the extent that would lead them to file any claim of misconduct.

It is pretty rare & the guy would have to typically be pretty obnoxious.

I am thinking that the professional networking situation is actually a social one so the men might be very inclined to initiate without hesitation.

The risk varies considerably. The military would be very risky in a lot of ways. A big part of that is that it is hard to find another military. If you get into trouble you very well might be done.

Most professions are more broad based than that. Most industries have many companies in someone's area so the company itself is often of less consequence.

With the very, very slight chance that trouble could occur many are willing to take an educated risk.

Most of the time people will welcome flirting to pass the time or to have fun. It is so rare that it goes too far & even more rare that it goes so far as to warrant harrassment claims.

You are more likely to see flirting in the workplace after you have flirted outside of the workplace. Drinks as a group after a long day, fellow employee has dinner party, etc. Once that happens then it is harder to separate the 2.

Wow. It's a rare four-bagger. Wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. Without any leeway for any discussion. Totally wrong.

I wonder... are you old enough to have a real job? Perhaps you are still in college. In the real workplace, the things you list simply DO NOT happen any more. And have not for a long long time. Today a man has to be very careful even saying "you look nice today" to a woman at work.