Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

About You Your healthy mind, body, and spirit play a vital role in all the important relationships of your life. Share your advice and insights here.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
smileatjen's Avatar

smileatjen is always seeking a new challenge in life!

Quick Study

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 62

See profile

I think even independent women (myself) aren't independent 100%. If that was the case, I'd never want male companionship.
- November 10th, 2009, 12:38 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#101   Reply With Quote
Jacquesne's Avatar

Jacquesne knows the answer...42

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 1,335

See profile

Woah, children, settle down now. I'd say "get back on topic" but at this point it seems like a lost cause =).

I would make a different argument (as I have in other threads on this subject). Women initiate more often than men...considerably more often. At least in physical encounters (not online ones).

This is the part where everyone chimes (or hops) in and says "That's not true! How often do you see a girl walk up to a guy at the bar?" Let me clarify what I mean by "initiating."

The majority of the time women initiate by the "eye contact and smile" method. They may or may not be aware of it but a single woman looking around for guys they're interested in will often try to make eye contact with a such a guy and see if he responds by noticing (indicating returned interest) and approaching (indicating a measure of confidence).

Guys, on the other hand, will rarely go up to some random girl they are interested in without some sort of cue that she is interested in return. From an outsider's perspective this whole thing looks like the guy is doing everything but it's not that simple. There's a lot of "talking" going on before they exchange the first word and it's more often than not the woman giving the initial "green light."

Of course there are exceptions. There are guys who will go up to women who give no signals and try their luck anyway. There are girls too embarrassed when they see an interesting guy to give a green light and will look away instead (these are usually the ones who complain about how guys never seem interested in them). It's not a rule. We're talking about generalities.

Without looking at the subtleties of human interaction it's easy to make incorrect assumptions based on people's behavior. Women are typically taught not to "initiate," at least not in the sense of walking up and talking to a guy for the purpose of getting to know someone romantically. That doesn't mean they aren't initiating in more subtle ways. It's just how men have the stereotype of thinking about sex more often than women when the more likely reality is that men and women think about sex equally but women are less likely to articulate it based on cultural attitudes.

The "green light" is typically the first bit of information between people that indicates interest. This is typically done by females much more often than by males. Thus I would argue women initiate more often than men.

I just thought I'd point that out .

Jacquesne
- November 10th, 2009, 12:42 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#102   Reply With Quote
nightling's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 2,448

See profile

Jacquesne wrote :
Woah, children, settle down now. I'd say "get back on topic" but at this point it seems like a lost cause =).

I would make a different argument (as I have in other threads on this subject). Women initiate more often than men...considerably more often. At least in physical encounters (not online ones).

This is the part where everyone chimes (or hops) in and says "That's not true! How often do you see a girl walk up to a guy at the bar?" Let me clarify what I mean by "initiating."

The majority of the time women initiate by the "eye contact and smile" method. They may or may not be aware of it but a single woman looking around for guys they're interested in will often try to make eye contact with a such a guy and see if he responds by noticing (indicating returned interest) and approaching (indicating a measure of confidence).

Guys, on the other hand, will rarely go up to some random girl they are interested in without some sort of cue that she is interested in return. From an outsider's perspective this whole thing looks like the guy is doing everything but it's not that simple. There's a lot of "talking" going on before they exchange the first word and it's more often than not the woman giving the initial "green light."

Of course there are exceptions. There are guys who will go up to women who give no signals and try their luck anyway. There are girls too embarrassed when they see an interesting guy to give a green light and will look away instead (these are usually the ones who complain about how guys never seem interested in them). It's not a rule. We're talking about generalities.

Without looking at the subtleties of human interaction it's easy to make incorrect assumptions based on people's behavior. Women are typically taught not to "initiate," at least not in the sense of walking up and talking to a guy for the purpose of getting to know someone romantically. That doesn't mean they aren't initiating in more subtle ways. It's just how men have the stereotype of thinking about sex more often than women when the more likely reality is that men and women think about sex equally but women are less likely to articulate it based on cultural attitudes.

The "green light" is typically the first bit of information between people that indicates interest. This is typically done by females much more often than by males. Thus I would argue women initiate more often than men.

I just thought I'd point that out .

Jacquesne
Isnt that kinda just what I said I do?
- November 10th, 2009, 12:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#103   Reply With Quote
ming_on_mongo's Avatar

ming_on_mongo -Seattle transplant to NorCal... hmmm, sun good!

Veteran

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,222

See profile

nightling wrote :
Isnt that kinda just what I said I do?
Yup, ah tink 'ya did (post #91)! Maybe Jacques is just agreeing with you...

Although I'm still trying to figure out the "Woah, children, settle down now" bit?
- November 10th, 2009, 07:34 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#104   Reply With Quote
peg099's Avatar

peg099 has fallen and he landed beside me :)

Sage

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 11,942

See profile

Jacquesne wrote :
Without looking at the subtleties of human interaction it's easy to make incorrect assumptions based on people's behavior. Women are typically taught not to "initiate," at least not in the sense of walking up and talking to a guy for the purpose of getting to know someone romantically. That doesn't mean they aren't initiating in more subtle ways. It's just how men have the stereotype of thinking about sex more often than women when the more likely reality is that men and women think about sex equally but women are less likely to articulate it based on cultural attitudes.

The "green light" is typically the first bit of information between people that indicates interest. This is typically done by females much more often than by males. Thus I would argue women initiate more often than men.

I just thought I'd point that out .

Jacquesne
You know, that`s a very valid point. And maybe part of the reason that so many of us women have had negative experiences with initiating is that we`re initiating `cold` (i.e. we`re not limiting our first move to guys who have signalled an interest in a subtle way. - perhaps because guys don`t really indicate their interest that way.

It`s certainly not a cut and dry issue.
- November 10th, 2009, 07:59 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#105   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Jandris's Avatar

Jandris wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2009

Posts: 15

See profile

Jacquesne wrote :
Woah, children, settle down now. I'd say "get back on topic" but at this point it seems like a lost cause =).

I would make a different argument (as I have in other threads on this subject). Women initiate more often than men...considerably more often. At least in physical encounters (not online ones).

This is the part where everyone chimes (or hops) in and says "That's not true! How often do you see a girl walk up to a guy at the bar?" Let me clarify what I mean by "initiating."

The majority of the time women initiate by the "eye contact and smile" method. They may or may not be aware of it but a single woman looking around for guys they're interested in will often try to make eye contact with a such a guy and see if he responds by noticing (indicating returned interest) and approaching (indicating a measure of confidence).

Guys, on the other hand, will rarely go up to some random girl they are interested in without some sort of cue that she is interested in return. From an outsider's perspective this whole thing looks like the guy is doing everything but it's not that simple. There's a lot of "talking" going on before they exchange the first word and it's more often than not the woman giving the initial "green light."

Of course there are exceptions. There are guys who will go up to women who give no signals and try their luck anyway. There are girls too embarrassed when they see an interesting guy to give a green light and will look away instead (these are usually the ones who complain about how guys never seem interested in them). It's not a rule. We're talking about generalities.

Without looking at the subtleties of human interaction it's easy to make incorrect assumptions based on people's behavior. Women are typically taught not to "initiate," at least not in the sense of walking up and talking to a guy for the purpose of getting to know someone romantically. That doesn't mean they aren't initiating in more subtle ways. It's just how men have the stereotype of thinking about sex more often than women when the more likely reality is that men and women think about sex equally but women are less likely to articulate it based on cultural attitudes.

The "green light" is typically the first bit of information between people that indicates interest. This is typically done by females much more often than by males. Thus I would argue women initiate more often than men.

I just thought I'd point that out .

Jacquesne
So true, I agree with you. I don't think that I have ever 'approach' a woman without some kind of signal that she is a little interested.
- November 12th, 2009, 06:51 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#106   Reply With Quote
bigfincat's Avatar

Virtuoso

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 3,147

See profile

Jandris wrote :
So true, I agree with you. I don't think that I have ever 'approach' a woman without some kind of signal that she is a little interested.
I don't quite play it like that.

I usually don't go in with the sole intent of hitting on a woman so I would start talking to one that I found attractive without any contact whatsoever.

It probably depends on the exact context & even in a bar whether or not I could actually converse with her (noise level/crowd/atmosphere) would be a huge factor.

I will agree that women often make their interest known non-verbally quite often but that does not necessarily have to be in the first few minutes. Subtle flirting can be very effective.
- November 12th, 2009, 02:43 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#107   Reply With Quote
scarlet13's Avatar

scarlet13 and i found out where my edge is and it bleeds into where you resist

Virtuoso

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 3,879

See profile

*flips hair around
- November 12th, 2009, 02:48 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#108   Reply With Quote
followmesky's Avatar

followmesky likes to fly

Pacesetter

Join Date: Dec 2007

Posts: 418

See profile

Jacquesne wrote :
Woah, children, settle down now. I'd say "get back on topic" but at this point it seems like a lost cause =).

I would make a different argument (as I have in other threads on this subject). Women initiate more often than men...considerably more often. At least in physical encounters (not online ones).

This is the part where everyone chimes (or hops) in and says "That's not true! How often do you see a girl walk up to a guy at the bar?" Let me clarify what I mean by "initiating."

The majority of the time women initiate by the "eye contact and smile" method. They may or may not be aware of it but a single woman looking around for guys they're interested in will often try to make eye contact with a such a guy and see if he responds by noticing (indicating returned interest) and approaching (indicating a measure of confidence).

Guys, on the other hand, will rarely go up to some random girl they are interested in without some sort of cue that she is interested in return. From an outsider's perspective this whole thing looks like the guy is doing everything but it's not that simple. There's a lot of "talking" going on before they exchange the first word and it's more often than not the woman giving the initial "green light."

Of course there are exceptions. There are guys who will go up to women who give no signals and try their luck anyway. There are girls too embarrassed when they see an interesting guy to give a green light and will look away instead (these are usually the ones who complain about how guys never seem interested in them). It's not a rule. We're talking about generalities.

Without looking at the subtleties of human interaction it's easy to make incorrect assumptions based on people's behavior. Women are typically taught not to "initiate," at least not in the sense of walking up and talking to a guy for the purpose of getting to know someone romantically. That doesn't mean they aren't initiating in more subtle ways. It's just how men have the stereotype of thinking about sex more often than women when the more likely reality is that men and women think about sex equally but women are less likely to articulate it based on cultural attitudes.

The "green light" is typically the first bit of information between people that indicates interest. This is typically done by females much more often than by males. Thus I would argue women initiate more often than men.

I just thought I'd point that out .

Jacquesne
Okay, okay, interesting points. Now, picture this in a professional networking setting and I guarantee men are the one's that initiate more then women. Again, a professional business networking setting.
- November 13th, 2009, 10:17 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#109   Reply With Quote
Jacquesne's Avatar

Jacquesne knows the answer...42

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 1,335

See profile

I would assume that work is not the place people are generally looking for potential partners, especially in today's environment. There's far too many problems with fraternization and sexual harassment to risk work relationships in most cases. But that's just me.

And I would be very curious as to how men would be initiating more in a work environment considering the risk. Sure, there's risk for both parties but honestly guys have to be extra cautious she's OK with advances even more than in casual settings because if she isn't comfortable with it you could lose your job or worse. Is it common for men in the business environment to do this? I know in the military it's extremely unlikely for the guys to initiate much of anything purely because of the career risks.

Are you sure men initiate more in business settings? I would be surprised. Unless you're talking about something else in which case I have no idea.

I'm not that familiar with most work environments so I could be wrong on this.

Jacquesne
- November 17th, 2009, 06:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#110   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why is physical apperance such an issue Manicbutterfly About You 167 November 22nd, 2009 06:06 pm
Single women prefer men already in relationships singleman4803 Dating 60 October 31st, 2009 11:02 am
For Smart Women ONLY !!! Seneca Dating 72 September 10th, 2009 04:17 pm
Do guys prefer open & agressive characteristics in women? Pris Ask a Dating Expert 36 August 25th, 2009 09:25 pm
Men - are you put off by independent women? OverAnalyzer Dating 81 July 31st, 2009 06:59 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I called to try to get an appointment with an OB/GYN, and they are already scheduling for late summer. That is too late. My match might like me, and like me an awful lot, but he's not a man of ... ” – Iconography

Join the “Update” discussion

“I'll say no, but actually yes. I consider love to be a connection based on mutual respect, trust and understanding, shared future goals, etc., and these can only come over time. You really don't ... ” – StuckOnYou

Join the “Is love at first sight real?” discussion

“I was snowed in Friday and Saturday. I managed to dig myself out enough to go visit the woman I've been dating. Originally I was just going to visit her for a few hours then go to a superbowl party, ... ” – rbk

Join the “Monday, February 8th weekend and date roundup!” discussion

“ lol i just saw your profile and you're friends with froggie...when it comes to money, he's the expert in this area ” – PY_2

Join the “That WAS a compliment... I think?!” discussion

“It's not an exclusively female thing. I've had many female friends tell me that guys have said this very same thing to them. When I say, "I want to take things slow," I mean exactly that. I don't ... ” – brneyedangel

Join the “'Take things slow'.....(with YOU)” discussion

“We all do things we regret when we are getting to know someone, that is why "dating is hell". The only thing that comes out to me and I am being honest, if a guy showed up with no car - I would ... ” – Spumone

Join the “Rough Start” discussion

“Many psychologists agree that people take less than 30 seconds to decide on their impression of someone and decide if they're interested or not. If that's true, then ladies, once you've read ... ” – BigP

Join the “Ladies, do you decide in the first 30 seconds if you're interetsed? And, what are you looking for in a first impression?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:25 pm.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0