I have to admit that I'm kinda smug. I was never very realistic about what I should do for a living and as a result I now get paid to act poorly on tv and to ride horses. I don't get paid as much as I would like, but I don't really care

At some point I'll have to move on, and then I'll write.

About 8 years ago I had an opportunity to buy a bookstore (property and 'merchandise) for 35K (nothing). This was my dream. I was married at the time, after having spent many years supporting my now exes education and massive debt. I wanted to receive his support, encouragment (courage to inspire action), faith and trust; I wanted to take this risk, which would have required that I quit my full time job and possibly my part time one. His only answer to anything was if that's what you want to do--do it--w/o any pratical planning, sacrifice (on his part). I couldn't trust that he would now support me for a year or two and if we didn't have this, then I had no place or space to even stay in this relationship. Both, I regret.

I would have been able to live from my artistic, creative, literary, musical side, playing an eclectic blend, shifting my focus in lit; offering belly dancing classes and yoga; showcasing young artists and auctioning their work; employing trustworthy students, where I would given them the freedom to make their own schedules, etc. And I would have relied upon a close set group of experienced restaurantours, who cook out of the goodness of their hearts b/c it's who they are, and take turns nightly cooking for new ventures. And I would have hosted a private poker game weekly.

I have always been passionate about and so enjoy hearing who other people are, their life stories, their journey, whether I was waiting tables, at a card table, or in the classroom. I love this. And in this setting, I would receive this daily.

It was an elderly woman, who since passed away, who offered it to sell it to me. I had visited her weekly for years, as I also had some antique dealers who we mutually befriended. I think it is this quality of mine, feeling and being passionate about listening to others' stories, is what draws the elderly to me; it makes me happy. It would have been a blast.

My problem, among many at that time, was that while I could afford the initial investment, I didn't necessarily KNOW how or if it would be profitable.

I've since learned there is no KNOWING; just inner knowing, listening to our intuition, and allowing our spirit to guide us, and taking risks--leaving the "secure" job for one that allows us to play, enjoy, and laugh. When we do this, there is nothing to regret or feel remorseful about--just genuine and honest. Fear, doubt, insecurity blocks us and keeps us stuck in bad relationships, less than fulfilling, stressful jobs (at times), which is where I had been coming from. I've since become much more open to all that life presents...in the present. Being present to life is the present.