Please help! Need methods to quit watching and thinking about porn


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sadandconfused is offline sadandconfused Post #1  August 20,2009, 1:09am
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My marriage of 4 years has fallen apart because I've been caught watching porn multiple times. It has turned into an addiction since I've been watching it since I found my dad's magazines when I was 12. (I'm 25) My wife turns me on WAY more than porn does but I only watched it because she wasn't interested in sex anymore...this was probably because I watched porn when she didn't like it. I always did it behind her back and usually lied about it because she had no proof that I was doing it. I admit that I deserve what has come to me and I regret it every second of every day.
Anyways, so I am currently separated (living apart) and I'm having trouble with this still. I've been trying to quit watching it (as I've done before) but keep relapsing. This time was 13 days and I'm ashamed of it. My dilemma is pretty much 'now that she's out of the picture, is there anything wrong with watching it?' I think it is bad because porn has filled my mind with so many unrealistic things that I can't focus on certain things. To be quite honest, when I'm trying to quit porn, I end up dreaming about watching porn on the computer and/or doing porn acts in my dreams. I just can't seem to get away from it. The dreams are keeping thoughts in my head and 'eventually' the temptation takes over and I relapse again. I HATE IT SOOO MUCH!!! Also considering the fact that I am a new christian man (of 2 months) I also have the dilemma that it is a sin to watch it or even 'think' about it! What am I going to do?? My whole life is being run down because of porn and I don't know how to quit it and get it out of my life and out of my head and dreams. Please don't hate against me. I realize I have a problem. I always knew it in the earlier years with my wife when I got caught and broke her heart. It's such a strong addiction and I need to get rid of it. Sometimes when I start thinking about downloading some, the only way I can snap out of the trance is if I go relieve myself without it. It does work but I need something better and sort of a way to stop thinking about "getting off". Another BIG problem I am having is basically the fact that if I don't watch porn that I masturbate to thoughts or pictures of my wife. I'm sure thats a healthy thing but the problem is that we are separated and I think she wants a divorce. Is it 'right' for me to still think about her that way? As a guy, we atleast 'claim' that we need to visualize things when we masturbate. It's either her or the porn at the moment and I'm not sure if I should be doing either. I'm not looking for a new woman in my life. I want to quit porn and get the thoughts out of my head ESPECIALLY if the opportunity of getting back with my wife comes. PLEASE HELP ME!! I have been so honest with all of you that I know this is a problem. I know its degrading to women and I want a real relationship or even better, my marriage, back without porn. Sorry this is so long but can anyone offer any good tips on how I can QUIT porn? Anyone with a success story on what they did to quit and stop thinking about it? I am desperate because I want my life back and 'cold turkey' isn't working...I mean, quitting smoking after years was easier than this. Thank you for any help!

Other notes: I have recently made many new christian friends and have a great life. I am very busy and am learning guitar too. The computer isn't the only problem...because if I didn't have it I would buy magazines or something...even FHM magazines can fill the gap. I think I many just need to drop my sex drive or something.
 
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waypoint_finder is offline waypoint_finder Post #2  August 20,2009, 10:49am

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I'm not sure exactly where in the Bible it says that its a sin to watch porn on tv.

Why don't you just go cold turkey and get rid of the porn? You can mail them to me
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #3  August 20,2009, 11:28am
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Addictions are addictions whether it's porn or smoking or video games. You genuinely seem to want this to end, which is a good start. Try talking with a therapist, maybe they can set goals for you to achieve to get over this. Good luck.
 
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dutch_knight is offline dutch_knight Post #4  August 20,2009, 11:58am
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I struggle with this issue. I too am a Christian and have been struggling with it since I was 12 or so. I want to state that it is not a sin to think about it. It's Temptation and Jesus was tempted. It is a sin to pursue that thought though. And yes lust is a sin. I have also been able to stop for 2 weeks at the longest but then it gets a hold of you in your sleep. It's is frankly depressing when you don't even have the consciousness to fight it. But when it is in your sleep it becomes a spiritual battle. Praying, and I mean intense praying is key here. ALso getting plugged in with other christian men experiencing this to hold each other accountable is necessary. I know they are hard to find...but good luck.I will pray for you.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #5  August 21,2009, 2:39am
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waypoint_finder wrote :
I'm not sure exactly where in the Bible it says that its a sin to watch porn on tv.

Why don't you just go cold turkey and get rid of the porn? You can mail them to me
If you get them, can I come watch?
 
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1sttimer is offline 1sttimer Post #6  August 21,2009, 6:24am
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A close friend of mine husband was and still addicted porn. They almost lost a great relationship. Please seek counseling-this is an addiction that can be treated but you will need a recovery plan. He was in counseling twice weekly for six months and once a week for six months after that but it worked and he is stronger and happier man today.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 21,2009, 10:40am
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hazmat wrote :
Addictions are addictions whether it's porn or smoking or video games. You genuinely seem to want this to end, which is a good start. Try talking with a therapist, maybe they can set goals for you to achieve to get over this. Good luck.
A therapist is good advice. It is an addiction that needs help and a plan to cure.
 
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organizedmayhem is offline organizedmayhem Post #8  August 22,2009, 7:12pm
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As someone who has worked extensively with sexual predators and sex addicts, I can tell you that an addiction to porn, as harmless as it may seem, will put you on a downward spiral that could ruin more than just your marriage. If you can't afford counseling look for a 12 step program for sex addicts. If there is no sex addicts anonymous in your area, go to another 12 step program and be honest about your addiction. The steps are all the same. I wouldn't count on being able to give it up cold turkey without alot of support.
Last edited by organizedmayhem; August 22,2009 at 7:13pm. Reason: error
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #9  August 22,2009, 7:43pm
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I agree about getting in therapy... to go along with medication.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #10  August 22,2009, 8:12pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Try getting counseling, hobbies, and a partner who shares your love of porn.
 
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