Does your parents relationship influence your views about the opposite sex?


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pukeko is offline pukeko Post #1  July 31,2009, 5:44pm
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has a long report due Thursday and still not even .5 there. **headache**

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i grew up in single mom household, no dada. sometimes i see most of my friends who were raised by both parents do really well in terms of relationship with the people of the opposite sex. whereas i, i am another story. some time i feel like if i had a father raising me, i think my relationship with the opposite will probably be different.

who feels this way? do you think your parents relationship impact your view about the opposite sex?
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #2  July 31,2009, 5:54pm
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No

(who knew that a one word answer was not allowed?)
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  July 31,2009, 5:56pm
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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So far as I know, my parents never even went behind closed doors and whispered hateful things to each other! Never saw them have an argument.

My sisters and I grew up, married, had the first argument with the husband, thought it meant divorce. We all said the same thing.

We had absolutely no experience with people able to kiss and make up! It was a hard lesson to learn...
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #4  July 31,2009, 6:02pm
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hugely...

Much of the ways we respond to our emotions and respond to our partner's emotions in a relationship are conditioned from various factors including that of our upbringing.

Child grow up in a family where parents share a good relationship has that natural environment for them learn about how to love and foster a good relationship whereas a child who grow up with observations of dysfunctional relationship has much of the darker side of a relationship exposed to him/her and this in turn conditions certain believes and values towards love/relationship and could induce certain emotional coping mechanism that's unhealthy to a loving relationship...
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #5  July 31,2009, 6:06pm
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j0hn8andy wrote :
So far as I know, my parents never even went behind closed doors and whispered hateful things to each other! Never saw them have an argument.

My sisters and I grew up, married, had the first argument with the husband, thought it meant divorce. We all said the same thing.

We had absolutely no experience with people able to kiss and make up! It was a hard lesson to learn...
thanks for your input, that's another perspective.

We learn from what we see... that include everything relationship, from parents or from others.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  August 1,2009, 7:55am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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This is an interesting question and some interesting responses.

You are certainly a product of your environment. Unless you were raised in a convent it would seem that you should have been exposed to male role models through relatives or friends and neighbors or teachers.

Now if your mom harbored hatred towards men then this is something that has been imprinted on you and you will have to work at changing your views of men.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 1,2009, 7:58am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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j0hn8andy wrote :
So far as I know, my parents never even went behind closed doors and whispered hateful things to each other! Never saw them have an argument.

My sisters and I grew up, married, had the first argument with the husband, thought it meant divorce. We all said the same thing.

We had absolutely no experience with people able to kiss and make up! It was a hard lesson to learn...
Understand where you are coming from. I can't ever recall my parents having an argument. I also don't consider their actions to each other to have been "romantic" so that part of my psyche is a bit underdeveloped also.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #8  August 1,2009, 12:56pm
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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[quote=Gr8Guyn2008;694776]
Understand where you are coming from. I can't ever recall my parents having an argument. I also don't consider their actions to each other to have been "romantic" so that part of my psyche is a bit underdeveloped also.




Didn't understand at the time, but I do remember them being in the bedroom, closed and locked door, giggling and laughing. I think they were having a good time in there.

And every Saturday, they'd send us to the movies. Way back then, they were double features with news clips and cartoons in between! So, hours and hours...
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  August 1,2009, 3:05pm
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pukeko wrote :
i grew up in single mom household, no dada. sometimes i see most of my friends who were raised by both parents do really well in terms of relationship with the people of the opposite sex. whereas i, i am another story. some time i feel like if i had a father raising me, i think my relationship with the opposite will probably be different.

who feels this way? do you think your parents relationship impact your view about the opposite sex?
Yes, in a sense.

My parents were divorced when I was ten. They fought often when I was a child, and they fought through me when they were divorced, until I finally decided I wasn't doing it any longer and that they could call each other if they wanted to fight. I think I was eleven when I told my father, "No Daddy, you tell her."

I don't feel this has negatively affected my relationships. If anything, I think it's positively affected my relationships because I have every desire to have a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time. I want to make sure that when I do get married, it's for keeps, for divorce just is not an option for me, not just because of what I saw what it did to my parents, but because of my faith, and because I feel it's an easy out that too many people use in situations where it is not warranted--I have friends where it appears that marriage and divorce could be listed as a hobby or past time that they participate in. That said, there are instances where I would not remain in a marriage (abuse to me, children, my family would be an example).

My mother moved on to remarry, and this year will mark her 24th wedding anniversary to my step-father. My father is still bitter over my mother divorcing him, which makes me very sad for him, but it is his choice. My parents do not speak with one another unless it is absolutely necessary, which is also sad. The first time they spoke to each other after their divorce was when I was when I was rushed to the hospital in college with what turned out to be the mumps (long story, vaccine didn't work on me). I am fortunate that both of my parents love me (and my brother) very much and have been a very active part of my life. However, they have also taught me, only in their marriage to one another, what not to aspire to achieve.
 
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pukeko is offline pukeko Post #10  August 2,2009, 6:57pm
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has a long report due Thursday and still not even .5 there. **headache**

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both points apply. i grew up without any relatives, too. yeah, believe or not. the war torn my family apart. but i am working to change some views. although i don't think i ever have any hatred of men, or of anything. i am just a bit more cautious with men.

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
This is an interesting question and some interesting responses.

You are certainly a product of your environment. Unless you were raised in a convent it would seem that you should have been exposed to male role models through relatives or friends and neighbors or teachers.

Now if your mom harbored hatred towards men then this is something that has been imprinted on you and you will have to work at changing your views of men.
 
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