Does your parents relationship influence your views about the opposite sex?


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rjb is offline rjb Post #21  November 12,2009, 9:50am
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My parents as well as I can recall had a loving relationship,and like in any relationship there will be disagreements,arguments,etc..My views on the opposite sex was not and isn' influenced one bit by that relationship.

I try to remain open minded in a relationship, for me it is with a woman,but it can be in any relationship,not to smother,let things take their course,and usually things will work out.I have to admit that I am a hopeless romantic,I don't apologize for it, I do absolutely look at things realistically,and I don't walk around with my head in a cloud, and yet I am a dreamer.no harm in that..A relationship will work if the people involved "work at it"Be your own person,love your mother and father,but try to be better,if that is the case,and quit blaming them,or someone else.Think out of the "box."

R.
 
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kuchynata is offline kuchynata Post #22  November 12,2009, 11:00am
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How could it not? My parents have been married for 53 years, and they are very happy together; however, their relationships outside their marriage are not as successful (like with their children). I therefore find myself not just drawn to men, but also deeply confused by how to make those relationships work.

I think our relationships are also dictated by the separate relationship we have with each parent. I'm not crazy about my Mom or her addiction, and I get along well with my Dad, but I'm not crazy about his enabling ways. I think recognizing the dysfunctions in my family makes me very aware of the extra work I must do in order to have a healthy and happy relationship. Oh, and my choices in men has always been very, very poor.
 
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trackstar is offline trackstar Post #23  November 12,2009, 2:21pm
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My dad was really not good to my mom, but she put up with absolutely everything, right up until he passed away. I suppose I grew up thinking that their relationship was normal. But I now know that it definitely was not. I feel sorry for my dad, because I think he was probably mentally ill and extremely unhappy, and I admire my mom for not leaving, even if I do think she should have stood up for herself and me and my brother more. I think I turned out just fine, regardless of any of it.

I really don't think it influences the way I think about the opposite sex, other than to make me appreciate how caring, kind, supportive, affectionate, level-headed, and just plain fun both my stepdad and boyfriend are. My mom appreciates it too. It's a completely different way of life.
 
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misswright is offline misswright Post #24  November 12,2009, 5:38pm

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Yes too some degree for both males an females we see how our parent interact with each other in there relationship an if it is a health one they have, then we tend to look for that in who we date an if we incounter someone that do not meet it then you have [?]. an if you have someone that is not ever seen a health relationship . then most times it takes them on a trip . then their the ones that only know about the unhealth relationship cause that all they have seen or know of that this is how you surppose too be that how thing have been set before them so that how they just are a complete mess. trying too find way to dress up things.this is one of the reason older people say watch what you say and do around the kids while they are growning up.and for most part they had a great point .just take look at men and woman
 
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m2d2usa is offline m2d2usa Post #25  November 13,2009, 3:53am
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Definitely. I have seen this in my own relationships after watching my parents and in my daughter's after she observed her father's and mine. My father was the dominant one in our family and my mother "submissive" but actually talking about him and giving us TMI about their relationship. The end result was that I became an adult with significant trust issues and with the expectation that I would be the supportive one in my relationship with my husband. I thought I had ended the pattern of domineering males when I became a profesional and married a man who seemed so different from the father I remembered. It turned out that I married a narcissist who was also bipolar. There were constant arguments if he didn't get his way and my daughter heard a lot of them. By the time she was five she had started to say, "Would you two just stop it!" I really wanted to be married though and would probably still be in the relationship had he not left me for one of his office nurses. I felt terribly betrayed. I tried not to let my feelings influence my children's feelings toward their dad but he was constantly wooing them with gifts so I frequently slipped up and gave them TMI (especially my daughter who was 11 at the time of the divorce). The tensions between her parents continue and she never had a date until her senior prom. Although I think she really wants a relationship, she says she doesn't trust anyone. It breaks my heart. So I've learned that if you haven't seen a healthy relationship with your parents, no matter how successful you are in your professional life, a healthy, successful relationship with a mate may be difficult unless you get professional help.
 
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MAMRebel10 is offline MAMRebel10 Post #26  November 15,2009, 1:16pm
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I have been thinking about this lately as well. As a male who was raised in an environment with a single mother and little sister, I had no constant father figure to help me develop a perspective on my side of a relationship. As a result, I am now 25 and have had no long-term relationships and have a lot of trouble communicating with or reading signals from the opposite sex. I am truly worried about my romantic future. I haven't had a romantic connection in 8 years.
Last edited by MAMRebel10; November 15,2009 at 1:17pm. Reason: Add info
 
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engdave is offline engdave Post #27  November 17,2009, 1:40pm
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Yes I feel the same way! Sometimes I am completly lost when it comes to the opposite sex. I see my friends who were raised in a two parent household and they are so resilient when they are in a relationship or rather the end. They also tend to have less of a problem with trust. They easily trust the other and if the trust is lost they don't think anymore on it. Most of them are stronger emotionally than someone from a single parent home. It is beyond me why. I notice myself looking towards my friends like that for quidance on how to be with the opposite sex.

Also be weary about your own feelings. Just because it doesn't feel comfortable doesn't mean it's wrong. I am in the process of getting over a girl now who, as it turns out, never meant the things she told me. I felt all these wierd feelings and I thought I was wierd. But there are other people who have felt the same way. I contributed my feelings and reaction to the situation to my upbringing in a single parent home.

I think whatever parent you were raised by can make a difference in how you view the opposite sex. I was raised by my mother and she taught us what she knew about how to treat women. Which I will chuckle when I say that it may have made my brother and I a little "soft" when it comes to women. We are easily hurt by women and we have a tendency to become attached too quickly. This is something I feel my father would have warned us about. I could be wrong but these are just my thoughts on the subject.

Interesting topic!
 
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