Does your parents relationship influence your views about the opposite sex?


Reply
  • Page 2 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
pukeko is offline pukeko Post #11  August 2,2009, 7:04pm
pukeko's Avatar

has a long report due Thursday and still not even .5 there. **headache**

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Boston

Posts: 756

See profile

i know that divorce is never good for the children. but for me though, since i never got to know who my father was as he perished before i was born, i did in many instances that my mom would remarry. just the thought of my a step pop or a male in the house to say lift you like an airplane thing sounds so exciting, this and among other, i missed.

brneyedangel wrote :
Yes, in a sense.

My parents were divorced when I was ten. They fought often when I was a child, and they fought through me when they were divorced, until I finally decided I wasn't doing it any longer and that they could call each other if they wanted to fight. I think I was eleven when I told my father, "No Daddy, you tell her."

I don't feel this has negatively affected my relationships. If anything, I think it's positively affected my relationships because I have every desire to have a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time. I want to make sure that when I do get married, it's for keeps, for divorce just is not an option for me, not just because of what I saw what it did to my parents, but because of my faith, and because I feel it's an easy out that too many people use in situations where it is not warranted--I have friends where it appears that marriage and divorce could be listed as a hobby or past time that they participate in. That said, there are instances where I would not remain in a marriage (abuse to me, children, my family would be an example).

My mother moved on to remarry, and this year will mark her 24th wedding anniversary to my step-father. My father is still bitter over my mother divorcing him, which makes me very sad for him, but it is his choice. My parents do not speak with one another unless it is absolutely necessary, which is also sad. The first time they spoke to each other after their divorce was when I was when I was rushed to the hospital in college with what turned out to be the mumps (long story, vaccine didn't work on me). I am fortunate that both of my parents love me (and my brother) very much and have been a very active part of my life. However, they have also taught me, only in their marriage to one another, what not to aspire to achieve.
 
  Reply With Quote
followmesky is offline followmesky Post #12  August 7,2009, 9:38pm
followmesky's Avatar

likes to fly

Pacesetter

Joined: Dec 2007

Northeast

Posts: 418

See profile

pukeko wrote :
i know that divorce is never good for the children. but for me though, since i never got to know who my father was as he perished before i was born, i did in many instances that my mom would remarry. just the thought of my a step pop or a male in the house to say lift you like an airplane thing sounds so exciting, this and among other, i missed.
Pukeko, I can relate but I feel it has only made me stronger person. I too, understand missing certain aspects of growing up without a dad, but then I think my mom has been the mom and dad and I would not change that.
however, I strongly beleive it plays a big role on your love life. Its all phsychological, some of us can heal quicker and others not so much.
 
  Reply With Quote
PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #13  August 7,2009, 10:25pm
PR_Princess's Avatar

Fly like an eagle...Let my spirit carry me

Enthusiast

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 685

See profile

happyquestion wrote :
thanks for your input, that's another perspective.

We learn from what we see... that include everything relationship, from parents or from others.

I agree with this statement and would add not only do we learn what we want but more importantly what we don't want in our future relationships. My parents grew up in an era where what we call abuse today was not considered abuse. They learned that this was not acceptable for them or their relationship. They literally had a marriage that only death could part and I paid attention very well about what made them different from everybody else because it seems to be harder and harder for people to reach those milestones ie. silver, golden anniversaries.
My heart goes out to you that you did not have a dad. The only comfort I can see is that my parents had less than ideal upbringings but they used those experiences to create lasting bonds with each other, their children and with those around them.
As far as the opposite sex...it has influenced me in that my father had bonds with other males who were of good character and, like himself, also valued their relationships just as much. So it gives me hope that I one day will find someone to continue our legacy of love...and plain good old fashioned cuckooness
 
  Reply With Quote
organizedmayhem is offline organizedmayhem Post #14  August 10,2009, 1:20pm
organizedmayh…'s Avatar

Hanging in there

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Bridge City, Texas

Posts: 90

See profile

Oh for sure. My parents have been married nearly 54 years and they raised 11 kids, of which I am the eldest. When I was younger I naively believed that my parents' marriage was perfect. The older I get the more I've come to understand that it's been a struggle for them, just as I suspect is the case in all long-term marriages. At the end of the day, they are still very romantic, which gives me hope that I can find someone with similar values.
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #15  October 20,2009, 12:32pm
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,901

See profile

Of course family relationships or the lack thereof have an enormous effect. But it doesn't have to be a bad effect and it doesn't doom you to disaster or anything.

The question really is I suppose what do you do about your particular situation? You perhaps haven't seen a healthy romantic relationship modeled by your mother, but do you have other married relatives with good relationships or friends at school/college/work whose parents have good relationships? You can learn from those what to look for in a healthy relationship or get advice on handling your own conflicts.

You also need to consider your individual needs. What are your deal breakers? Your must haves? Make a little list so you know yourself what you want. Don't be afraid to change the list as you learn and grow.

Good luck.
Last edited by nightling; October 20,2009 at 12:35pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #16  October 22,2009, 8:45pm
yoga_gal's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 4,782

See profile

Like Brneyedangel my parents divorced early (I was 5 and my brother was 1) and even at an early age I recall being the go-between. It was not pleasant. Fortunately for me I stayed after school with and spent the summers with the best grandparents in the world. They always let me be the child I was meant to be. My grandfather is the closest thing to a dad I had and he was excellent.

Again, like Brneyedangel I learned what not to do in a relationship from my parents. I have always said I would rather be single than wish I were. Not that I don't want a relationship but I will not accept a bad one.

The relationship I aspire to is the one my grandparents had. Married over 60 years. I have always been thankful to witness their love and how they valued each other and cared for each other through so many different kinds of struggles.

Because my dad made a lot of promises that he did not keep and my grandfather was a man of his word, I tend to judge men by their actions rather than their words. Because of this it may take me a bit longer to form an opinion on a guy and I tend to take my time in getting to know someone before I decide if he is for real.

Another thing that I tend to value in guys is how he talks about others. My Dad bad-mouthed my mom's side of the family. My grandparents never said anything critical and let me grow up and form my own opinion. Guess which trait I look for in a guy?
 
  Reply With Quote
shenkore is offline shenkore Post #17  October 28,2009, 2:08am
shenkore's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2009

Ethiopia Addis Ababa

Posts: 6

See profile

Hello there I am Abebe, as I told you I want to learn, at this time I am finding scholarship in one of the following courses Human Resource Management, Gender, Communication and Development Management or any courses related to Management because my 1st degree is in Development Management so how can I get scholarship? Is your University helping me? Thank you.
Abebe

Yes, my parents relationship is very good up to now, but there religion and society influenced them and there children with the opposite relationship. They think one girl must marry one man until her marriage she didn't do any sex and must be virgin. So me and my sisters didn't have boyfriends. When we came grow and grow we afraid of men’s and sex.
 
  Reply With Quote
lululu is offline lululu Post #18  October 29,2009, 3:36am
lululu's Avatar

needs to meet a guy on her own continent.

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2009

Chicago/South Asia--It's complicated

Posts: 41

See profile

I asked my mother once if she had ever thought about divorcing my father and she said "every d*mn day!". That was when I was 15 or so, I am 44 now and they are still together. Their marriage taught me that love is not enough to make a marriage work. It takes sacrifice, hard-work, and I think most importantly, the knowledge of what is better for the team is more important than what is better for the individual. the reason they have stayed together, I think, is that both of them truly care about the other's happiness as much as they do about their own. Their marriage is not about one person "winning" an agrument, because they both know that if one of them wins, the other loses.
 
  Reply With Quote
Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #19  November 2,2009, 1:22pm
Jacquesne's Avatar

knows the answer...42

Veteran

Joined: May 2008

Reno, NV

Posts: 1,357

See profile

One person who would definitely say that your parents influence how you view the opposite sex is Sigmund Freud =). Much of our early perspective on proper behavior comes from our parents and their behavior towards each other creates the basis for our understanding of proper relationships. Sometimes that lesson is the wrong way to do it but the lesson is learned nonetheless.

Both of my parents taught me perhaps the most important lesson I could ever learn about women, however.

They taught me that I could live a million years and never understand them. This hasn't stopped me from trying but it's good to know my limits!

Jacquesne
 
  Reply With Quote
pjm21 is offline pjm21 Post #20  November 11,2009, 9:10pm
pjm21's Avatar

The Way of the Rabbit

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2007

Posts: 7

See profile

Yes. I, too, was raised by a single mom who has nothing to say about why her marriage failed. Even though I'm now an adult, she refuses to discuss the reasons why she left my father. I occasionally complain to her that she didn't set a very good example for me.

She has never had another long-term relationship with another man as long as I've known her (40+ years), so it appears she does not trust men. She has passed on her misgivings to me and disapproves of everyone I date.

Of course, I will date in spite of her, but I can't discuss my relationships with her, which probably makes her more resentful. She is certain that no man is suitable for me and thus far, she's been frustratingly right...as if my dates eventually come to dislike me because she is so dismissive of them.

Anyway, whether or not it's due to her influence, I have never come close to having a solid, long-term loving relationship with any man and I don't see marriage in my future. For one thing, I wouldn't want to stick any man with a meddling mother-in-law from hell!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Guys: do you need "help" with thoughtful gestures? | About You | Are you a worrier? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Dealing with the parents lindseyk Dating 20 June 24,2009 2:05pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:20am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0