Courage to Break Past Relationship Patterns

Courage to Break Past Relationship Patterns

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Courage to Break Past Relationship Patterns


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sc4me is offline sc4me Post #1  July 13,2009, 2:50pm
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Good article. Incorporates concepts of behavior therapy that you can do at home. In the end it takes awareness (see the pattern) and motivation (willingness) to move out of the pattern. Old habits die hard.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  July 13,2009, 3:06pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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The article doesn't discuss the unintended consequences of the example relationship they discuss. The woman had a pattern of dating men who are highly committed to their careers because she 'enjoys the finer things in life'. If she simply 'changed her pattern' of dating this type of men she may very well be disatisfied because her new dates wouldn't be able to provide as much in this way. In changing patterns there are oftentimes these types of unintended consequences that people may not be prepared to accept.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  July 13,2009, 3:23pm
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So what happened to Emily?
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #4  July 14,2009, 12:32am
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I can relate to this article and see where it is trying to get at. I myself have had an awful pattern of attracting golddiggers who get comfortable in me buying them things and taking them out, but they offer little to the relationship. Emily actually somewhat reminds me of the type of golddiggers I am attracting, only the ones I am attracting are emotionally unavailable. For me, what I did was identify the top core behaviors that I was doing that likely could be attracting golddiggers:
1) Lose weight. I am obese and if I lost weight I might be attractive to a larger number of women who will be attracted to me for other reasons other than my money. I think this is my main core problem.
2) Don't jump quick at taking women out on dates that cost money. Meet at coffee shops, talk, get to know them before jumping at taking them out to dinner. Don't meet at restaurants for first dates.
3) Don't openly discuss or offer info about my house, job, or car. Focus on other topics.
4) Dress casual. Wear jeans and a TShirt sometimes. Don't park where they can see my car.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  July 14,2009, 11:06am
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Mr_Right wrote :
So what happened to Emily?
Emily just got dumped by bwr, because he decided to do the following:

bwr wrote :
I can relate to this article and see where it is trying to get at. I myself have had an awful pattern of attracting golddiggers who get comfortable in me buying them things and taking them out, but they offer little to the relationship. Emily actually somewhat reminds me of the type of golddiggers I am attracting, only the ones I am attracting are emotionally unavailable. For me, what I did was identify the top core behaviors that I was doing that likely could be attracting golddiggers:

1) Lose weight. I am obese and if I lost weight I might be attractive to a larger number of women who will be attracted to me for other reasons other than my money. I think this is my main core problem.

2) Don't jump quick at taking women out on dates that cost money. Meet at coffee shops, talk, get to know them before jumping at taking them out to dinner. Don't meet at restaurants for first dates.

3) Don't openly discuss or offer info about my house, job, or car. Focus on other topics.

4) Dress casual. Wear jeans and a TShirt sometimes. Don't park where they can see my car.
Mr_Right wrote :
So what happened to Emily?
 
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jtkdp is offline jtkdp Post #6  July 14,2009, 7:25pm
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gets right on to the friction of the day...

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Good article. I decided to make adjustments to my old patterns, while I was going through my divorce. I decided not to settle, and to work on my knowledge of relationships, and continue to learn more, from every source I can.

The women I've met after my divorce, generally are better for me than my ex, or the ones that came before. They are more attractive to me, more respectful, have more common interest with me, and usually, higher self esteem.

I think I'm on a better path than I was in my younger days.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #7  July 15,2009, 2:04am
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Nothing to see here at all...

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Love the article and almost thoroughly endorse it.
Not sure about all the bookkeeping, life coaches and therapists (unless the condition requires any of them), but I'd love to meet the author. And if she wasn't a woman, I'd be very interested!
But then again, how could a man possibly write something like this about Emily?
Good job!
 
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jtkdp is offline jtkdp Post #8  July 15,2009, 2:55am
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gets right on to the friction of the day...

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IcecreamMoon wrote :
Love the article and almost thoroughly endorse it.


Not sure about all the bookkeeping, life coaches and therapists (unless the condition requires any of them), but I'd love to meet the author. And if she wasn't a woman, I'd be very interested!


But then again, how could a man possibly write something like this about Emily?


Good job!
The bookkeeping isn't hard, I just wrote down similarities of my old people I had relationships with, and what I wanted to see in the new. Sort of like a MH/CS list.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #9  July 15,2009, 3:59am
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Nothing to see here at all...

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jtkdp wrote :
The bookkeeping isn't hard, I just wrote down similarities of my old people I had relationships with, and what I wanted to see in the new. Sort of like a MH/CS list.
Probably. But I still find book(or record)keeping tediously boring. It may be necessary at times, but in my case it does not go hand in hand with dating...

But if it works for you, gor for it! And enjoy the results (I hope).
 
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CNCFemale is offline CNCFemale Post #10  July 15,2009, 6:15am
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bwr wrote :

1) Lose weight. I am obese and if I lost weight I might be attractive to a larger number of women who will be attracted to me for other reasons other than my money. I think this is my main core problem.


2) Don't jump quick at taking women out on dates that cost money. Meet at coffee shops, talk, get to know them before jumping at taking them out to dinner. Don't meet at restaurants for first dates.

YIKES!

I have seen so many people with "money" who aren't exactly "proportionate" talk about being used for "money" etc. Well, if you got it flaunt it, and apparently, (not to be judgemental) that is what this guy has done. Maybe "emily" IS a "golddigger" but seems to ME that posting that on THIS site, being as how EMILY is also on here, is nothing but pure RUDE, SELFISH, DISRESPECTFUL and just plain being a JERK.

Maybe the reason in this particular instance, money was the ONLY thing you had to offer once she got to "know" you even a little bit?

I've had a "bad attitude" all my natural life, been told as much, but don't give a flying pig's eye if it keeps me away from "bwr" and those of his ilk.

I know deep inside I have MORE to offer someone who cares about ME, fat and all, and treats me accordingly. I give my ALL to a MAN who I'm in a relationship with, but if all he has to offer is "MONEY" then it's not a relationship, it's a sugardaddy.

Love and relationships are about SHARING and CARING and the fact that "bwr" wants to be stingy, well, I think that says a LOT about the INSIDE.
 
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