Considering whether I'll be single forever??


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ecs is offline ecs Post #1  July 11,2009, 7:22am
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I have a great life...almost all things have fallen perfectly in place and for that I am very thankful. However, this has left me with just one goal...to move onto a new phase in my life where I meet a man and have a family.

But, as much as I try I can't seem to get that part of my life together. I'm 36 and haven't had any particularly succesful relationships in my lifetime. My friends assure me that they can't fathom why I haven't been snapped up but I seem to have failed so often that I'm just getting scared to put myself out there now. I'm wondering if it's not meant to be for me, even though I find that thought devastating.

Does anyone else feel like this? Has anyone decided just to stop looking and accept singledom?
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #2  July 11,2009, 7:43am
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Yes. I have to admit that it's a bit bittersweet and scary, because no one ever thought I would be single. Everyone pictured that I would be happily married with a beautiful family, loving husband and an impressive career. And guess what? I'm so far from all that and sometimes I wonder how I got here.

In fact, I am making backup plans for a single life, small roof over my head, circle of family and friends, meaningful activities and personal goals. I even plan to travel solo for a month -- which is a huge step for woman -- and for me to deal with my insecurities. Scary, exciting, all of the above.

Sorry to sound so gloomy on a sunny day, but heck -- don't be caught without an umbrella on a rainy day. And heck, you just never know who you'll meet off the beaten path, right?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  July 11,2009, 7:51am
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ecs wrote :
I have a great life...almost all things have fallen perfectly in place and for that I am very thankful. However, this has left me with just one goal...to move onto a new phase in my life where I meet a man and have a family.

But, as much as I try I can't seem to get that part of my life together. I'm 36 and haven't had any particularly succesful relationships in my lifetime. My friends assure me that they can't fathom why I haven't been snapped up but I seem to have failed so often that I'm just getting scared to put myself out there now. I'm wondering if it's not meant to be for me, even though I find that thought devastating.

Does anyone else feel like this? Has anyone decided just to stop looking and accept singledom?
Yes. No.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 11,2009, 7:55am
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I have a next door neighbor who married for the first time at 56. She also thought she would never get married. It is possible.

Don't give up. It's true you just don't know what's around that corner...

The good thing about marrying when you're older is you are more likely to know what you really want and need by that time. I think if you get it, it will be all the more valuable and precious to you.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #5  July 11,2009, 8:01am
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I want to add that one of girlfriends, fabulous as fabulous can be, met her hubby at 40. And not, it was absolutely NOT through online dating.

She just went about her business every day, working and stashing money away for herself and exploring all her outdoor interests ... and a fun guy while sailing! They hit it off right away, have traveled the world together, and now 2 years later have a beautiful baby.

Things would have turned out very differently had she sat around and moped on eH advice with every flip of the calendar page.
 
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caitofga is offline caitofga Post #6  July 11,2009, 8:07am
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Don't give up hun! I have been single for the last 2 years without even so much as a date. My girlfriends also said they couldn't understand why I hadn't been snatched up. The problem was that I wasn't meeting guys who were right for me. Then I met this guy on eHarmony, and things are really looking good.

It's a patience game, don't give up!
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #7  July 11,2009, 8:08am

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Yes, I feel the same way too. I am 36 and never married.

I also worry that the older I get (and my matches get), the less inclined the men want to get married. I know there are a few men out there that want to commit, like GreatGuy, so that is hopeful. I just think they are more the exception to the rule.

I think I will be fine if I am single for the rest of life. But I still would really like to have someone to call my own too. Oh well!

Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see, Que Sera Sera.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #8  July 11,2009, 8:10am

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dietpepsi wrote :
Things would have turned out very differently had she sat around and moped on eH advice with every flip of the calendar page.
Ha! You mean I have to actually do things in the real world!! Can't I just order up a relationship somewhere and have it delivered? It would be sooo much easier!
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #9  July 11,2009, 9:16am
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The female cynics in San Francisco and NYC have this saying:

You can have a great job, a great relationship, and a great place to live.

But never, all three, at the same time !!!
 
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Michael1974 is offline Michael1974 Post #10  July 11,2009, 9:37am
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ecs wrote :
I have a great life...almost all things have fallen perfectly in place and for that I am very thankful. However, this has left me with just one goal...to move onto a new phase in my life where I meet a man and have a family.

But, as much as I try I can't seem to get that part of my life together. I'm 36 and haven't had any particularly succesful relationships in my lifetime. My friends assure me that they can't fathom why I haven't been snapped up but I seem to have failed so often that I'm just getting scared to put myself out there now. I'm wondering if it's not meant to be for me, even though I find that thought devastating.

Does anyone else feel like this? Has anyone decided just to stop looking and accept singledom?
I see what you mean. It looks like you have just had bad luck. As for myself, yes, I COULD be single forever ... it is not out of the realm of possibility. Despite my failures in the past, I keep putting myself out there and if I do find someone I will my best to make it work. If fate renders the verdict of singledom, I will accept it, but I will not render that verdict onto myself.
 
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