Your Body Image Match: It May Be Different than You Think

Your Body Image Match: It May Be Different than You Think

This discussion is based on an Advice article:
Your Body Image Match: It May Be Different than You Think


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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #11  July 3,2009, 4:59pm
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Happy New Year, Everyone! :)

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Bandmate wrote :
The part of this article i disagree with is that it's all up to you,that your image of yourself will dictate your image to others.I don't care what somebody thinks they look like,when i look at them i see what i see and it is not subject to anyone else's opinion,having a good self image is necessary to weather the storms of life but there is still a thing called free will and others have it to..these articles seem to say that you can go out and cast some kind of spell driven by your own ego and the other person will just fall into line.
I agree with you, Bandmate. Regardless of how positive your self-image is, not everyone will be attracted to you. That's just the way it works.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #12  July 3,2009, 5:06pm
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Happy New Year, Everyone! :)

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brneyedangel wrote :
Hmmmmm...didn't read the entire article, just the highlighted points, and quite frankly, I thought it sounded like they were talking to people who had body image issues as if they were impressionable children rather than adults facing the realities of the world. I don't like that, which is the reason I rarely read the articles that are posted here.

Take a look at my picture and you will see that I am not a skinny woman, nor am I obese. However, the men I meet very rarely take issue with my appearance, regardless of their size or shape. The very few who do usually have qualities that I do not aspire for in a potential mate, and I have a feeling if I was the glamourous woman they were seeking, I'd still fall short in their eyes in some way.

People have their preferences in who they wish to date, and that is fine; to each his/her own. I see it the same as I see other characteristics that I look for in a person: honesty, character, integrity, intelligence, values, and work ethic, to name some that rank high with me. A man can be so handsome that my heart skips a beat if he looks in my direction, but if there's nothing happening between his ears, I'm just not even remotely interested. Take a guy who might not be as handsome for whatever reason (weight included), and show me that he possesses these other qualities that mean so much to me, and I'm going to give him a chance to see if we click.

Does that mean I don't care about appearance at all? No, I do need to be attracted to a man, but in my own way. Looks will fade over time, and we're all going to be old and wrinkly one day no matter how much we fight it. If there's no substance behind a person when that happens, then it doesn't really matter what they once looked like or thought they looked like, because they aren't going to be quite the catch anymore. So then what? Dump 'em for a better model? I think not. It's not for me, anyway.

Just tossing my two cents in...
I agree. It's not all about attraction. For me, attraction is important, but it's only one part of the pie. As you mentioned, the other parts (honesty, character, integrity, intelligence, values, work ethic, etc...) must be present as well.

Thanks for sharing, brneyedangel. I always enjoy your posts!
 
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qqtpie is offline qqtpie Post #13  July 3,2009, 6:11pm
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I disagree. When I was fat, guys still liked me and dated me. I have noticed that many people who are negative or ashamed of their weight don't have that experience. I think a lot has to do with attitude. I was happy and carried myself with pride. It showed, I guess. My ex even dated a fat girl after we broke up. He said he loved the way I looked smaller, so why go with somebody who looks like I used to? There is somebody for everybody. People like what they like.

Of course I won't date an overweight guy now that I am a good size. I am afraid he would drag me right back there. This is so much more fun, and easier, than being overweight.
 
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avinash is offline avinash Post #14  July 9,2009, 7:37am
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I'm attracted to girls, with a slim, but not too thin figure, toned but not muscley, basically healthy and with a well-proportioned figure
 
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genuineBob is offline genuineBob Post #15  July 12,2009, 10:23am
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qqtpie wrote :
...

Of course I won't date an overweight guy now that I am a good size. I am afraid he would drag me right back there. This is so much more fun, and easier, than being overweight.
"Of course"?! Could you be any more shallow? Now that you're slimmer, the good-hearted but overweight man is no longer good enough for you? Is your commitment to your new, healthier, habits so weak that dating a heavy man is going to knock you "off the wagon"? How do you know that your success and enthusiasm wouldn't inspire him to change for the better?

What a tragedy this is.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is online now Gr8Guyn2008 Post #16  July 12,2009, 11:05am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Gee I like skinny girls. Closer the bone the sweeter the meat
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #17  July 12,2009, 12:30pm
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I was talking to an older guy I worked with a while back. He was tired of hearing his wife complain about being heavier than she would have liked (please, no lectures here about how easy it is to be thin despite age...).

His point was that he thought she was beautiful, and always had. What he said then has stuck with me over the years.

"Honey, I grew up on a farm, and I learned that a skinny cow is a sick cow."

Great thought, but I advised him not to tell his wife he loved her because she looked like a fat cow...
 
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butterflywhisperer is offline butterflywhisperer Post #18  July 12,2009, 1:23pm
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I've found, truly, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder--regardless of the size. For instance, I was engaged to this guy who was the best looking guy I had ever dated and yet he thought he was ugly. I could not convince him otherwise but there we were. We broke up and a few boyfriends later this other guy told me "if you realize how pretty you are, you would leave me". And I'm like.... what? I was not created with a small frame, no matter how much I dieted when I was young I would never have the delicate ankles and slim hips. I have my mother's hips--wide. I finally came to the conclusion that this is simply the way God made me. I had even considered have my hip bones surgically modified in order to make them smaller. Isn't that crazy? Speaking of crazy, I left the other guy because he was just too jealous and told people he was engaged to me when we were not. Total nut job.

Then I married my husband who was into the heroin-type look and I certainly wasn't that. He also liked the short hair, and mine was over two feet long. Well, after that he came to appreciate the soft, fullness of a woman's body and long hair. We divorced but once hooked, he still looks after that type.

My point is that we change our tastes and desires over the course of our lives if we broaden our scope and be willing to date outside of our 'ideal'. In this way, we come to appreciate the physical qualities in others that we had been missing. I remember when I was on this rigorous diet, and I was single, two groups of men (those at my homegroup and another at work) debated on my body size and to NOT lose anymore weight. They debated among themselves but I could hear them. They were all married but clearly they clearly preferred the 'meatiter' type even though they loved their wives dearly. It was pretty funny listening to these two groups of men debate about whether I should lose more weight!

JMHO
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #19  July 31,2009, 5:07am

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Rob_UK wrote :
tosh...utter rot. If you go around talking to yourself then the "man in the van" will come for you. The simple fact is: put down the fork, step away from the pie and run your fat self around the block. Just more denial phrases.

yes some men will prefer a podgy woman but they are probably podgy themselves

This is true. Most women are in denial and so called "experts" are getting fat off of writing:

"...you can walk around confident that no matter who you are and what you look like, your soul mate will see you for who you really are—and love you for it."

Saying it's ok to stuff your face, that someone is going to love your folds. Pure trash. That's like a dating "expert" writing that women would find mature men who work at Mcdonalds "exciting."
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #20  July 31,2009, 5:11am

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Bandmate wrote :
The part of this article i disagree with is that it's all up to you,that your image of yourself will dictate your image to others.I don't care what somebody thinks they look like,when i look at them i see what i see and it is not subject to anyone else's opinion,having a good self image is necessary to weather the storms of life but there is still a thing called free will and others have it to..these articles seem to say that you can go out and cast some kind of spell driven by your own ego and the other person will just fall into line.



When_I_See_You_Smile wrote :
I agree with you, Bandmate. Regardless of how positive your self-image is, not everyone will be attracted to you. That's just the way it works.

That is reality; good post. I prefer a petite woman who is on the thin side.
 
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