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What are your dealbreakers?

Smoking/Smoking Too Much: This is not an absolute deal killer, though I'd rather that she didn't smoke because I once was an avid pipe smoker – loved it – went back once after 25 years – quit again – not healthy – stinks

Drinking/Drinking Too Much: Heavy drinking would be a deal killer. I can take alcohol or leave it (and have left it for quite a few years). Moderate drinking is not a problem – provided that she has not been addicted in the past.

Too Young/Too Old: To me age itself is immaterial; however, the effects or attributes of age – particularly the mind-set – are very important. Most women anywhere near my age (70) are sedentary and matronly. A problem arises when "young" women in their fifties think that I am "too old" – BUT they can't keep up. Some say "just wait a few years" – something I have been hearing for thirty years.

Doesn't Fit With Me on Religious & Spiritual Matters: This is a deal killer if a woman is devoutly religious or wants to talk about religion more than VERY infrequently. My convictions are very firm and lean toward Ignosticism (not Agnosticism -- Google the term if unfamiliar). I am not willing to have my relationships structured according to any church doctrine. Attempting "conversion" or "witnessing" or attempting to assume a position of religious superiority is the kiss of death.

Doesn't Fit With Me on Political Matters: Politics make little difference to me unless a woman is obsessed.

Financial Income Does Not Meet My Requirements: I have no opinion regarding a woman's income or financial position – provided that she does not expect me to support expensive or "refined" tastes or habits. If a very compatible woman wanted to live with me in my lifestyle, my income is adequate to support both of us. If a woman possesses great wealth or high income I am not impressed, awed or intimidated (which seems to bother some who think that their financial status should yield benefits – it does not with me). If a wealthy woman handles her financial position gracefully, it is a non-issue.

Marital Status Does Not Meet My Requirements; As long as she is not married and cheating, marital status makes no difference. However, if she is "walking wounded" from previous experiences (involving marriages or other relationships), that raises large red flags for me. Some women posting in these threads obviously harbor very negative feelings toward males in general. That is a deal killer.

Already Has Children/Does or Does Not Want Children: Women with whom I am inclined to establish a relationship are likely to have adult offspring, if any. Adult offspring could be a problem if the relationship with her offspring is unhealthy (usurious, dependent, overbearing, etc). If a woman was young enough and wanted children with me she would be out of luck according to the doctor who performed my vasectomy many years ago (but if she didn't want to be concerned about pregnancy, that could be an asset).

Is Not Physically Attractive To Me: That is an issue in both directions. I do not deny that physical attraction is a factor. However, my impression of physical attraction does not conform to societal norms. A woman who is radiant may well be more attractive to me than one who possesses more classic "beauty".

Other Reason(s)

1) Out of shape, unable to be physically active: This affects many people of both genders regardless of age. If a woman cannot join me in most of my regular and daily activities it might be unwise for us to consider developing a full-time relationship.

2) Greatly oversized: Many of us are carrying a few pounds more than ideal – however, some carry an extra person worth. I only want one woman – not one and a half or two. Actual scale weight makes no difference but the manner in which weight is carried makes a great deal of difference.

3) Obsessed with, or heavily focused upon, pets / or upon rescuing stray animals: I have no objection to pets – but cannot relate to people who make them the center of their life – or regard them as more important than people or relationships. If that is the case -- adios amigos – there is no room for me in her equations. If poochie poo sleeps in her bed or eats at her table, I am not interested in joining them.

4) Sedentary lifestyle and pursuits: A sedentary person might be a great companion; however, our interests are vastly different. I may "slow down" some day – perhaps in fifteen or twenty years – but don't count on it. I admire those who can crochet and knit, but do not care to join them. I'd rather a woman join me in hiking, biking, canoeing, doing vigorous volunteer projects, etc. Could I adjust at all??? Perhaps some . . . I don't know.

5) Old thinking: Many people subscribe to the notion of "acting your age" – and assign certain behaviors to certain decades of life. I do not accept such thinking – and do not relate well to anyone who does – regardless of age.


Partial deal killers:

6) Poor self-concept: Under or over estimating one's abilities and attributes is unappealing. Most common seems to be insecurity and self-doubt – which can be reflected in many ways.

7) Fear and timidness: Fear of change, of new situations, or of people is very unappealing to me and very limiting. If a person is afraid to go in a canoe, for instance, they limit themselves (but I will not allow them to limit me). I appreciate boldness and confidence.

8) Unnecessarily limited or limiting: I do not accept "you can't" because I probably already have – or am about to. Accepting self-imposed or societal-imposed limitations may be safe and secure, but it doesn't appeal to me. We can't fail if we don’t' try – but we can't succeed either.