Dating Men: When He Says X, He Means Y


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avinash is offline avinash Post #1  June 29,2009, 2:58pm
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This was so obviously written by a woman, you know not all guys play this game, some of us say what we mean and don't speak in code
 
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thadjarvis is offline thadjarvis Post #2  June 29,2009, 3:17pm
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True. Also some of us try to say as little as possible
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #3  June 29,2009, 4:11pm
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Funny, it means the same thing when women say these things too... lol...
 
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PreachersSon is offline PreachersSon Post #4  June 29,2009, 8:59pm
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Well, I have to take issue with two of these.  First, "I'd love to come up, but..."  The article says that this isn't an invitation for something physical.  Sure it's not.  It's an invitation for two people who are physically attracted to each other to be alone, in a private space just the two of them.  If it's not an invitation, it's certainly tempting fate.  And a man may just have religious or moral scruples about not sleeping with a woman before marriage (I know, I know, that's crazy talk!).  So, he might decline the invitation to come inside so as not to put himself in a compromising situation.
Second, "She's just an old friend" does NOT, repeat NOT--N-O-T--mean that she is an old girlfriend or that he wanted her to be.  I don't believe in married men being "friends" with women besides their wives, but, believe it or not, single men DO have women they know and interact with who are not past girlfriends.  They might be old coworkers, or classmates, or any number of things.  Personally, I have plenty of "old friends" who are women, who are not past GF's.  You need to look at the nature of the relationship before jumping to conclusions.  Does he give her the longing look as she leaves?  Or sigh?  Then there was probably something between them, or he wanted there to be.  But to automatically assume they must have had something is obtuse.
Otherwise, most of these seem fairly reasonable.  Of course, some of us DO just say what we mean and mean what we say.  It's the other 99% who give us a bad name!
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  June 29,2009, 11:00pm
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I don't have a huge problem with the article, except the percentages quoted. From what I surmise, all it's really saying is that men are sometimes honest with expressing their true feelings and sometimes they speak in code language.
I can assure you that the same applies for women, even though more women express their emotions more readily (I guess this is the reason why the article is about men). 
But neither men nor women are brave enough to lay all our feelings on the line before we have spent a certain amount of time together to feel safe and comfortable in the relationship. Nor should we be.
Safety and comfort are the most basal needs, and every relationship needs to satify them, before it can progress any further. So I have no problem with either partner using code language at times.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  June 30,2009, 5:25am

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IcecreamMoon wrote :

Safety and comfort are the most basal needs, and every relationship needs to satify them, before it can progress any further. So I have no problem with either partner using code language at times.
I like basal on a sandwich with sundried tomatoes and mozzerella.




 
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jtkdp is offline jtkdp Post #7  June 30,2009, 6:48am
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1. If I'm invited in, I'm coming in...and no I don't assume anything by a woman's asking.

2. I'm trying to make conversation, and get to know her better, nothing more.

8. Yes, men and women can be just friends. I know this sounds like an impossible concept to some people, but try it and you just might learn something. There are alot of women in my past and present that I've never kissed, dated or wanted to see naked, nor do I ever want to. If it comes up, I make it clear who was/is platonic, and who was not.
 
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choiceweb0pen0 is offline choiceweb0pen0 Post #8  June 30,2009, 7:39am
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I agree many of these expressions apply to either gender. I've definitely been told “I'll call you” and I've declined going over to someone's house after a date because I wasn't attracted to the person, not to mention that it was a first date.
 
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DIVISION is offline DIVISION Post #9  June 30,2009, 12:36pm

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This can apply to either gender.

I'm a very honest, blunt type of person.

I say exactly what I mean to the point where there is no question.

In my experience, I've found that women tend to shy away from literal meaning, however.

In fact, half of communication with women is decipher exactly what they mean because they are rarely literal.......
 
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sc4me is offline sc4me Post #10  July 1,2009, 3:12am
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#3 puzzles me a little because I think that particular phrase is more complex. I think there are times when men say it because a relationship went too far too fast and we need to slow it down a little. Sometimes we say it because the relationship is NOT going far or fast (might be the woman, might be the man) and saying we need space is a way to find out if the woman will (a) work harder at the relationship; (b) if we will miss you and work harder at the relationship.
Either way, its not 98% "we need a new girlfriend" but more like about 50-60%.
 
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