What You Can Learn From Your Ex

What You Can Learn From Your Ex

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What You Can Learn From Your Ex


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Uncle Apple is offline Uncle Apple Post #71  January 15,2009, 5:02pm
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I don't think separating fact from fantasy is a problem. It never has been for me.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #72  January 15,2009, 5:33pm
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The most important lesson I learned from my ex is that what people say is half as important as what they do .
 
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AppleRN is offline AppleRN Post #73  January 15,2009, 5:50pm
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I was just in a 6 year long distance relationship that lead to nowhere so I was pretty heartbroken. Here are a few things I learned about myself & relationships in general..........


Learn & do those things that have always made me happy


That people, even those that love you can disappoint you.


You can't MAKE someone love/care for you no matter what you may try.


NEVER put your dreams on hold for anyone.


NEVER settle for mediocrity.
 
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Lindsey0367 is offline Lindsey0367 Post #74  January 15,2009, 7:09pm
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To those of you who are exceptions to what I'm about to say, I give you mad props.


I find it really interesting that the majority of comments here put the "other" person in a negative light. I'm sure the other person did screw up. Usually relationships fail because of both parties involved. Here, however, there seems to be very little reflection on what the posters could have changed except for to guard themselves better, to not be so easily taken in, and to choose different partners.


That's a bunch of bs. If you can't grow as a result of a relationship, if you can't find something that you could do better or differently it isn't because it doesn't exist. It's very convenient to pin all the blame on the other person. It means you don't have to grow at all, you don't have to do any work. I would never want to date anyone who couldn't name an area where he needed to grow based on what he had learned from past relationships.


Relationships are a perfect opportunity to stretch ourselves to the point that it is uncomfortable and really challenge ourselves to grow and change in positive ways. Too many folks don't take advantage of that opportunity.


So, when you find yourselves in the same situation time and time again, maybe you'll realize there's only one common denominator.
 
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pinz is offline pinz Post #75  January 15,2009, 7:17pm
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What have I LEARNT?


..... hmmmm ....


I think EVERYONE wants to 'win'.


Everyone. WANTS TO. WIN.


Me included.


When that is UNDERSTOOD as a 'core' value, it makes alot of the other 'coming & going' stuff understandable too ...
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope — Advice Member-Moderator Post #76  January 15,2009, 8:42pm
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From my ex- I learned:


1) Love truly can be magical , and


2) Like the saying goes, love doesn't conquer all
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #77  January 15,2009, 9:10pm
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What I learned from my ex is, there is NO WAY I can be in a relationship with anyone who thinks screaming and yelling is normal, who operates on assumptions and jumps to conclusions instead of reasonably and rationally seeking the truth, and will not/is not able to accept that I am who I say I am.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #78  January 15,2009, 11:39pm
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I learned ifyour mate mentions separation or divorce don't try to talk them out of it just clear out. I also learned if you feel your children would be better off with you then fight for custody no matter how much it costs. I failed to do this and my daughter ended up sexually abused by her stepfather and mommy knew about it for 4 years or more.
 
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pinz is offline pinz Post #79  January 16,2009, 1:05pm
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Lindsey0367,433548 wrote :

To those of you who are exceptions to what I'm about to say, I give you mad props.


I find it really interesting that the majority of comments here put the "other" person in a negative light. I'm sure the other person did screw up. Usually relationships fail because of both parties involved. Here, however, there seems to be very little reflection on what the posters could have changed except for to guard themselves better, to not be so easily taken in, and to choose different partners.


That's a bunch of bs. If you can't grow as a result of a relationship, if you can't find something that you could do better or differently it isn't because it doesn't exist. It's very convenient to pin all the blame on the other person. It means you don't have to grow at all, you don't have to do any work. I would never want to date anyone who couldn't name an area where he needed to grow based on what he had learned from past relationships.


Relationships are a perfect opportunity to stretch ourselves to the point that it is uncomfortable and really challenge ourselves to grow and change in positive ways. Too many folks don't take advantage of that opportunity.


So, when you find yourselves in the same situation time and time again, maybe you'll realize there's only one common denominator.
...well said.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #80  January 18,2009, 5:49am
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eharmonyadvice, wrote :

Once you get past the pain of the break-up, there's a lot to learn from your ex. What you can't stand and what you must have in a relationship is just the beginning. The real lessons to cherish are those that can help you grow into a better mate.
I've had two marriages and one LTR where I lived with a guy. Sometimes you have to find out what you don't want before you find out what you do. My marriages lasted for 10 and then 15 years. The last relationship lasted 2 years.


What I've learned from these men are varied and in all 3 cases I was the one to break it off. It didn't mean I didn't love them, and it didn't hurt like hell to have to do it, but in the end, I discovered it was the right decision for my own well being.


I think the most important thing I learned from all 3 was that no matter how badly it went, I'm still standing and without those experiences, I wouldn't be as strong a person as I am today. I hit the wall pretty hard with the last one, and I'm still nursing some bruises but the love and support of friends that rallied to me after the breakup was surprising and welcomed. I had no idea how many people really loved me until after I left him and it touched me deeply and solidified my faith in the friendship of others. It's made me a more grateful person and kept me from being isolated in the grief.
 
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