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rmlady rmlady is offline
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I think having the same sort of vision for your life to-gether is helpful. In looking back over my 25 yrs of marriage that was the one major componenet that was lacking. I tried to work within the parameters I tought were there but in retrospect we had no common purpose. Both my ex and I came from an emotionally draining past lives and I think we just wanted some one to love us so we got together. One thing I have learned about myself is to be honest with myself about what I will put up with and not put up with and stand up for those things. While dating he was a good partner buying into the things I liked to do which flattered me but after we were married it was no we an't do those things any more. I just accepted it insted of standing up for what I wanted. Now 25 years later I finally did and not getting any positive response I grew a back bone and divorced him. Better late then never I guess.
- December 21st, 2007, 06:45 am
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rmlady rmlady is offline
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Yes Sarah, that is so true if the communication isn't there and your partner won't share their true fellings in a respectful way nor will they even agree to counseling I see no hope of a happy life. If My ex would have agreed to talk out our problems in a respectful way or see a counselor with or with out me we would be married to-day. But you know the saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." I wonder if that's true of horses, mine was always thirsty! May be I should have stuck with horses. LOL
- December 21st, 2007, 06:51 am
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In response to Sarah,
I know exactly what you mean. I feel that I've been going through the same thing, and I'm looking forward to a new start this time, armed with my new self-knowledge. I guess the difficult part for me will be learning to think and act with my head (first) instead of my heart... I've always done it the other way around, and it hasn't worked out so well!
Well, good luck to everyone..
- December 21st, 2007, 07:19 am
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butilook35 butilook35 is offline
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I've learn that if you have a feeling that something isn't right, go with your instinct. Don't believe that theory of "they wouldn't do that to me". It will bite you in the butt later.
- December 21st, 2007, 05:28 pm
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Sureshot Sureshot is offline
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Great article! Hopefully each of us can learn a little more about what we want in a partner and how to improve as one.
- December 21st, 2007, 08:31 pm
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It's true. Everything happens for a reason- some lessons you have to learn the hard way. One thing I learned was tolerance.
- December 21st, 2007, 10:48 pm
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TMaria TMaria is offline
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Insightful, objective, right on, and most enjoyable perspective to read. Thank you, TMaria
- December 22nd, 2007, 09:10 am
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cstoday cstoday is offline
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The experience of having an ex is that life goes on. And very much so, grieving is important to allow the healing of the pain and hurt one experiences.
To hold on to the resentment, hurt and pain only imprisons a person. Happy, joyous and free. Know the truth and the truth shall set us free. When I trusted God, cleaned House and help others, then I am free indeed. I praying is important. Let Go and Let God, Live and Let live. I am an ex too and I hope I am being prayed for; I know I am being allowed to go on living without interference.
Thank you.
- December 22nd, 2007, 11:16 am
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Trisha Trisha is offline
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I agree with Sarah. Your partner must be able to communicate feelings - all feelings to resolve an issue in a constructive, non threatening manner. My partner would retreat into himself and mentally run away. Passive aggressive behaviour can do a lot of damage. Relationships require trust, openess and investment by both people.
- December 22nd, 2007, 12:20 pm
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countrychick countrychick is offline
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Wow good responses! Ms.Nikki you nailed it and totally described my EX of 20 yrs. who I grew up with since childhood. So hard to go forward after being so emotionally drained and heart broken and finding trust again. It's been 5 yrs. since over night he took off with another woman and her adult daughters...of course if you sit in the bar long enough you will find someone else and he did find his match....Their lives today are still centered around alcohol so I know I am better off but it sure crushed me & our two children. Maybe someday it will come back in bite him in the ass. In the meantime I have learned to take one day at a time and that things "are what they are" and there is nothing I can do to change them.
- December 22nd, 2007, 02:11 pm
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