Women in late 30's/early 40's who say they want kids


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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #21  June 20,2009, 1:15pm
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k374 wrote :
How is it a man's fault? If she wants to have children and he isn't making that happen then obviously she should find another man yet most women just hang on to the guy thinking he will change his mind or whatever and then realize way too late that he isn't interested in either marriage to her or giving her children but that is her own fault not the man's fault.

I don't really believe in this 3,4, 5 yr dating stuff... in maximum 2 years two people should know everything about their future plans together and that includes marriage and family. After this time if one still doesn't know then it probably isn't happening!
I he clearly states that he does not want children then she should listen... but he is still being selfish if he stays knowing that he cannot give her what she wants. He should have the balls to let her go.

It is stupid on her part & selfish on his.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #22  June 21,2009, 12:46am

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I believe a vasectomy or stating that you had one or may have one will resolve that problem quickly.

Which brings up the next issue a "Prenuptial Agreement? Which many times is a deal breaker in most cases, how many women are willing to forgo sharing in your assets both prior to the marriage and jointly acquired after you've been married?

Most divorced men who have paid child support and /or alimony or both are willing to accept financial responsibility for a 2nd or third family? It's just to expensive and they are tired of being broke again!

What is their reward for being a good guy of sorts?

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; June 21,2009 at 1:03am.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #23  June 21,2009, 12:53am

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k374 wrote :
The chances of a woman 35 or above, who has yet to meet a man, having biological children is low. Dating/Marriage etc. itself takes about 3-5 years and she will be 38-40 by the time she is ready which is just on the very edge of fertility.

However, adoption is always an option and perhaps by "Wants kids" they mean that they have a desire to adopt, although I've heard adoption is not quite as easy as it seems and is also a very expensive process.
A fool and his money are soon parted!
Women have healthy children into their mid 50"s now a days.
Do you also believe in the tooth fairy as well?

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boarder4fun is offline boarder4fun Post #24  June 21,2009, 1:47am
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It's sad to think that some people find fault with someone wanting to a kids so they duck responsibility or commitment. Grow up get over yourself as my single mom used to say. But women who wait until their 40's sorry but the risk you are taking for the kid and yourself is not right. If you say I was too busy making a career, then that's the bed you made you have to sleep in it. You made a choice now live with it.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #25  June 21,2009, 2:14am
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Harvey7 wrote :
A fool and his money are soon parted!
Women have healthy children into their mid 50"s now a days.
Do you also believe in the tooth fairy as well?

Harvey7.
Fertility does indeed decline significantly and rapidly after age 40 (and is certainly much lower by age 45, with pregnancy risks also being higher). It's not that "no" women have babies after that age, but it's certainly not wise to assume that one will be able to get pregnant and carry a baby to term in one's 40s, especially without fertility treatments.

It would be very rare for a woman in her 50s to have children naturally (most women are post-menopausal by their early 50s and thus infertile). The kind of fertility treatments that would be needed to produce a viable pregnancy at that age would be quite expensive.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #26  June 21,2009, 12:31pm

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Yes, there is a clock ticking for these women that are in this age range and want to have kids of their own but that does not mean they are just looking for a sperm donor.

You assume that women that are of this age and that do want kids that that desire to want kids overrides any common sense. Which is not true.

When I became single again, I felt that clock. I could not help not to. Since I was about 33 years old at the time I did the math. I figured it would take me about two years to know if I really want to marry someone and then once married, I did not want to have kids right away. I wanted to enjoy being married. So you figure 33 yrs + 2 years to get married + 2 years to enjoy being married and I am now looking at having kids at the age of 37 if I in fact, found the man that I eventually would marry right then.

Just because I understood the math and the time frame involved does not mean that I would throw all common sense and reasoning out the window. I want to find a man that I can share a life with. If I marry, I plan to be married for my lifetime.

Now, at my current age - I have decided not to have any biological children of mine own. Instead of feeling like that is a negative it is actually a positive. It has been liberating for me. I do not feel such a rush to get back out in the dating scene because I have to. I feel like I can just relax and let things happen as they should - instead of actively trying to make things happen. I would be quite content to be a step-mom or maybe adopted an older child. Or I could just be content being the real fun aunt to hang out with.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #27  June 21,2009, 12:32pm

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bigfincat wrote :
I he clearly states that he does not want children then she should listen... but he is still being selfish if he stays knowing that he cannot give her what she wants. He should have the balls to let her go.

It is stupid on her part & selfish on his.
Five stars for you, BigCat!
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #28  June 21,2009, 1:48pm
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k374 wrote :
Sounds like a doctor quack to me. It is well established in the medical community that fertility falls off a precipice after 40. Are there rare exceptions... of course, but then there are people who jump off a 3 story building and survive, that doesn't mean the odds are good or it is "common" as your doctor quack states.
Thanks for the free (you get what you pay for) medical advice, Doc. Yes, age has quite a bit to do with it, but over the past 5 or 10 years, the medical community's consensus has been that general physical health is much more of a factor than age alone. I have no problem with the fact that you disagree, but assuming someone's trusted medical professional is an incompetent "quack" solely because they disagree with your layman's opinion is just obnoxious.
 
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danimal1968 is offline danimal1968 Post #29  June 21,2009, 2:14pm
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Mayne wrote :
Any guys paranoid that women in their late 30's/early 40's who say they want kids are in race against the biological clock and are just looking for the first suitable husband/sperm donor they can find? only to be dumped a few years later? I recall reading a stat that something like 80% of all divorces are initiated by the woman.
I recall reading that there are little green men from Mars too, but that doesn't make it true.
 
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goldengirl7676 is offline goldengirl7676 Post #30  June 21,2009, 8:43pm
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chawks64 wrote :
Thanks for the free (you get what you pay for) medical advice, Doc. Yes, age has quite a bit to do with it, but over the past 5 or 10 years, the medical community's consensus has been that general physical health is much more of a factor than age alone. I have no problem with the fact that you disagree, but assuming someone's trusted medical professional is an incompetent "quack" solely because they disagree with your layman's opinion is just obnoxious.
Thanks for the back-up, chawks. The aforementioned advice came from a female OBGYN. She has an M.D. from a respected university, did her residency at a prestigious hospital in Boston and has been in practice for more than 20 years. I think that qualifies her to know a bit more about this subject than the average Joe or Joanne on the eH boards. I'd hardly call her a quack.
 
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