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k374 k374 is offline
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The chances of a woman 35 or above, who has yet to meet a man, having biological children is low. Dating/Marriage etc. itself takes about 3-5 years and she will be 38-40 by the time she is ready which is just on the very edge of fertility.

However, adoption is always an option and perhaps by "Wants kids" they mean that they have a desire to adopt, although I've heard adoption is not quite as easy as it seems and is also a very expensive process.
- June 20th, 2009, 10:52 am
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lookingagain wrote :
I am going through this situation now. I think the main thing is you need to want children yourself, if you are unsure its not fair to her. You might be a great guy, but for her I think its a deal breaker if you are saying maybe someday down the road you might want to. The one thing I have found is that the pace of the relationship is fast and that can become uncomfortable as big decisions need to made sooner rather than later. Hope you figure it out.
This...I don't know how many guys have contacted me that say "not sure" or "no"

Selfish? I think so. I'm not looking for a great guy to hang out with for a few years til we tire of each other, and I'm just older and in the same position.

If it makes you uncomfortable, don't get involved with women who say they want kids.
- June 20th, 2009, 11:20 am
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k374 wrote :
The chances of a woman 35 or above, who has yet to meet a man, having biological children is low. Dating/Marriage etc. itself takes about 3-5 years and she will be 38-40 by the time she is ready which is just on the very edge of fertility.

However, adoption is always an option and perhaps by "Wants kids" they mean that they have a desire to adopt, although I've heard adoption is not quite as easy as it seems and is also a very expensive process.
3-5 years? thats by your standards.....

This is not defined anywhere. Last I checked, the whole transaction could take place in about 9 months

to each their own....
- June 20th, 2009, 11:21 am
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Mayne wrote :
Any guys paranoid that women in their late 30's/early 40's who say they want kids are in race against the biological clock and are just looking for the first suitable husband/sperm donor they can find? only to be dumped a few years later? I recall reading a stat that something like 80% of all divorces are initiated by the woman.
The "do you want kids" question is so vague as to be virtually meaningless. It can mean giving birth to kids of your own, or adopting a baby, or adopting an older child, or step-parenting the other person's children. There is also the question of what do you put if you already have kids?

Most of those scenarios -- all of them except "give birth to kids of your own" -- do not involve anything resembling a search for a sperm donor.

The vagueness of this question is probably why I see so many "maybe" responses.

There is no way to know what the other person meant by their response unless (until) you ask them. I'd suggest not trying to read anything into it.
- June 20th, 2009, 11:45 am
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k374 k374 is offline
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well I meant the average of first dating for 2 yrs then engaged for a year, then perhaps at least a year before deciding to have kids... thats 4 yrs before TRYING. And trying is not going to be very successful when you're 39 or 40! And this is an average scenario assuming everything goes smoothly in the relationship progressing through engagement and marriage.

Sure, it can go faster but what are the chances...if she hasn't been successful to age 35 you think now suddenly a man will fall from the sky to impregnate her within a few months?

It may not be popular to face this reality but it's not realistic to assume you can have kids after you reach 35 and still no man in sight, it MAY happen but the chances are low.

cp30 wrote :
3-5 years? thats by your standards.....

This is not defined anywhere. Last I checked, the whole transaction could take place in about 9 months

to each their own....
Last edited by k374; June 20th, 2009 at 01:52 pm.
- June 20th, 2009, 01:48 pm
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Women of that age have to do deal with their reality & the men who decide to date them should also have the common sense to deal with a timeline or get out of her way.
- June 20th, 2009, 01:57 pm
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bigfincat wrote :
Women of that age have to do deal with their reality & the men who decide to date them should also have the common sense to deal with a timeline or get out of her way.
How is it a man's fault? If she wants to have children and he isn't making that happen then obviously she should find another man yet most women just hang on to the guy thinking he will change his mind or whatever and then realize way too late that he isn't interested in either marriage to her or giving her children but that is her own fault not the man's fault.

I don't really believe in this 3,4, 5 yr dating stuff... in maximum 2 years two people should know everything about their future plans together and that includes marriage and family. After this time if one still doesn't know then it probably isn't happening!
Last edited by k374; June 20th, 2009 at 02:10 pm.
- June 20th, 2009, 02:08 pm
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goldengirl7676 goldengirl7676 is offline
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k374 wrote :
well I meant the average of first dating for 2 yrs then engaged for a year, then perhaps at least a year before deciding to have kids... thats 4 yrs before TRYING. And trying is not going to be very successful when you're 39 or 40! And this is an average scenario assuming everything goes smoothly in the relationship progressing through engagement and marriage.

Sure, it can go faster but what are the chances...if she hasn't been successful to age 35 you think now suddenly a man will fall from the sky to impregnate her within a few months?

It may not be popular to face this reality but it's not realistic to assume you can have kids after you reach 35 and still no man in sight, it MAY happen but the chances are low.
Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, K374. I'm 32 and I guess by your (flawed) reasoning if I don't find a guy within the next couple of years, I'm just outta luck. Are you one of those folks who comes on these boards and purposely posts something inflammatory so as to get people riled up? Your theory on having kids after 35 couldn't be more wrong, by the way. I have quite a few women in my family who are proof of that fact, not to mention many family friends. Also, my Dr. has said none of the women Drs. she knew had children before 35 because they were too busy getting through med school, residency, etc. She said it wasn't uncommon at all for her to see patients having their first babies in their 40s without medical intervention.

As for the dating, engagement, trying-to-get-pregnant timelines, where exactly do you come up with those numbers? Are they written down in some book somewhere? I don't think so.
- June 20th, 2009, 02:09 pm
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goldengirl7676 goldengirl7676 is offline
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bigfincat wrote :
Women of that age have to do deal with their reality & the men who decide to date them should also have the common sense to deal with a timeline or get out of her way.
Well said, bigfincat.
- June 20th, 2009, 02:10 pm
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goldengirl7676 wrote :
She said it wasn't uncommon at all for her to see patients having their first babies in their 40s without medical intervention. .
Sounds like a doctor quack to me. It is well established in the medical community that fertility falls off a precipice after 40. Are there rare exceptions... of course, but then there are people who jump off a 3 story building and survive, that doesn't mean the odds are good or it is "common" as your doctor quack states.
- June 20th, 2009, 02:15 pm
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LinkBack to this Thread: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/about-you/26022-women-late-30s-early-40s-who-say-they-want-kids.html
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