Why is physical apperance such an issue


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Doodler is offline Doodler Post #11  June 15,2009, 5:29pm
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Manicbutterfly wrote :
Hey,

I have recently lost alot of weight and all of a sudden have lots of interest from the opposite sex, I'm still the same person and find it funny that a lot of people are so shallow, ]yes I look great, feel great now but as said I'm still the same person, more of a statement than a question but most men are quite shallow if they can't see past a persons apperance.

Something I have to come to terms with i guess.

Susan

Hmmm. You said you "feel great now." Have you considered that perhaps this change in attitude is what is generating all the interest?
Last edited by Doodler; June 15,2009 at 5:30pm. Reason: problems spelling simple words today
 
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DyannaLynn is offline DyannaLynn Post #12  June 15,2009, 6:01pm
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I have often wondered about the outcome of drastic weight loss. I am a little dissapointed to see it is as I would expect. I am overweight myself, and although I love who I am and don't have any regrets about the choices I have made I can't help but wonder what life would be like if I were a skinnier version of me.

After thinking long and hard about it I decided that as a skinnier version of me, I don't think I would date a man who wouldn't date me as I am now. Because then I would feel like I had to change who I am to attract men, and that just seems like all kinds of wrong.
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #13  June 15,2009, 6:48pm
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Hhhmmm....if you look at my pictures, I am now a skinny little woman BUT I used to weigh 50 lbs more just 10 years ago. Much of it was due to a medication that caused me to gain weight. Also my ex husband liked fattening foods and beer so I had the same. Then I went on the divorce diet...LOL. That's when your nerves are so ragged that you can't eat even if you could afford to buy food.
 
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The1Tomcat is offline The1Tomcat Post #14  June 15,2009, 8:35pm
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Here's the other side of the question...

Why do I have to be attracted to an overweight woman to not be shallow?

I like a lot of the statements made by others so I'll try to be brief and paraphrase/add.

Short of a medical reason like a thyroid problem... being overweight is ultimately a choice. Choosing to eat healthy, exercise regularly, and set your will power to a desired healthy weight goal are all choices we make. As is sitting in front of the TV instead of going out and running, reaching for that 5th slice of pizza (or that first slice), and thinking to yourself that it's too hard to change.

The reason why in the middle ages that a slightly overweight woman was considered very attractive was that it was a sign of being HEALTHY... we're talking about a time when food especially in winter became scarce and people were constantly working very hard manual labour and had poor sources of caloric intake. So being a larger woman meant you were probably wealthy and good for child bearing etc.

Now it means the complete opposite. It most likely means you lead a sedentary lifestyle, eat too much, and have low will power to change for your own sake and health.

Who wants to be with that person? Why would I get romantically, financially, etc involved with a person at risk for heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and a whole list of other issues. Should I be attracted to a crack addict? A drunk?

Whatever the cause of the obesity (short of real medical problems as I said) it is a turn off to many not necessarily because of society but because of the implication it does have for you as a person.

Personally I WANT to be with someone who wants me to work out, maintain my health, eat right, and holds the same values. I want someone to help motivate me to be better than I am today and I want to be able to do that for my partner as well. Get busy living, or get busy dying as the saying goes.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #15  June 15,2009, 9:37pm
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The1Tomcat wrote :
Who wants to be with that person? Why would I get romantically, financially, etc involved with a person at risk for heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and a whole list of other issues. Should I be attracted to a crack addict? A drunk?
So now someone who is carrying some extra pounds is the equivalent of a crack addict?

Great.

Heaven forbid that you are in fact at risk for any of those or any other chronic health problems. What our health future holds isn't written on our foreheads, you know. None of us knows exactly what all of our risks are. Cancer, stroke, high blood pressure, heart attack, loss of hearing or sight.... Those are all problems that can eventually affect any of us, no matter how we try to fend them off with a healthy lifestyle.

Are you prepared to be rejected if your own health fails or if it's discovered that you are in fact at heightened risk for some disease or illness?
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #16  June 15,2009, 10:27pm
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wrote :
Heaven forbid that you are in fact at risk for any of those or any other chronic health problems. What our health future holds isn't written on our foreheads, you know. None of us knows exactly what all of our risks are. Cancer, stroke, high blood pressure, heart attack, loss of hearing or sight.... Those are all problems that can eventually affect any of us, no matter how we try to fend them off with a healthy lifestyle.

Are you prepared to be rejected if your own health fails or if it's discovered that you are in fact at heightened risk for some disease or illness?
Here’s another shallow response.

Personally, when I go to the doctor, under "family history of" I usually have to check every box except epilepsy. I eat well, exercise, and take care of my health. If you take care of your health, generally it shows. I want the same in my partner. I find absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in that. I believe that someone who takes good care of themselves is someone I would trust to take care of *me* should I get sick. I don’t call someone who is overweight a bad person- I’d be alienating most of my whole family if I did that. But for someone I intend to grow really old and wrinkly with, trying to stay healthy is a good plan for the long term (short term, too).

Basically, I don’t want to be with someone I’m not attracted to- that’s not fair to either party. I am attracted to women more my size- I’m 5’9" and 155lbs in my stocking feet, and I could eat like a horse if I wanted and never gain a pound- but that wouldn’t be healthy. I don’t want to be with someone who is doesn’t put a priority on their health- I’d include eating disorders like anorexia in this as well. When you’re overweight you also don’t feel as healthy- energy levels tend to be lower and physical activity tires you out more. I’m an active kind of guy- I want a woman who can keep up.

So if there was an intelligent, all-around-good-to-be-with woman who had just gotten serious about her health and lost her weight problem- sure, I’d ask her out. But different folk have different views. If you are happy with your weight and health, great! But we’re all free to do as we please, and it pleases me to go after the more "average" sized ones. If my health fails tomorrow, I expect this not to change the rest of the world one whit. My values would not change and I’d still seek someone who tries to stay healthy. Depending on what had happened to me, it might adversely affect my chances of finding the kind of woman I want, but I am prepared to accept the consequences, whatever they may be.
 
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Manicbutterfly is offline Manicbutterfly Post #17  June 15,2009, 11:05pm
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wow... didn't know so many ppl would find my little rant interesting... for me it was a combination of lifestyle, genetics, and alot more deeper issues... I'm now fit healthy and within the accepted "standards" of not being labelled "fat" .... but my point is... I still have the same personality... that for so long many didn't want to know about... I apologize if i have offended anyone
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #18  June 15,2009, 11:35pm
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Aidyl wrote :
...It's not healthy and I want a partner that is healthy. Not someone that looks like a canadate for diabetes or a heart attack...

...I believe people are naturaly attracted to a healthy looking companion. A few extra pounds or even down sized, can be acceptable, but when it starts to look like it could affect their health, it becomes a turn off. There is nothing shallow about wanting a healthy looking partner. For some people the idea of excess weight is as big a turn off as a drunk or a druggy. Not a shallow concept, just practical.
Amen!

If I have to work this hard to keep my genes from running my life, I want someone who is equally invested. I can't stop the real processes of aging nor their natural outcome, but I can affect the rate at which they come.

My father had his first heart attack in his mid-thirties, second one coming home from Viet Nam, and died on the table having his second bypass procedure just after his sixty fifth birthday. He smoked all of his adult life--which negated his very fit and active lifestyle and healthy diet. I miss him deeply to this day, and don't want to do to a partner (nor have done to me) what happened to my mother--a long old age, alone.

It's the behavior that tells us what the person is likely to do in the long run, when we are all less resilient and more vulnerable to the accretions of a lifetime of poor self care.

I'm creaking already, but doing what I can to slow the tide.
Last edited by simplemind; June 15,2009 at 11:40pm. Reason: grammar grammar grammar
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #19  June 15,2009, 11:38pm
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You haven't offended anyone at all.

As you're around the boards here more, you'll see that the weight "thing" just happens to be a volatile (and recurring) topic.

Congratulations on successfully adopting a healthier lifestyle. It sounds like your own experience has given you some interesting perspectives and insight. I hope you'll stick around and continue to contribute.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #20  June 15,2009, 11:39pm
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Manicbutterfly wrote :
wow... didn't know so many ppl would find my little rant interesting... for me it was a combination of lifestyle, genetics, and alot more deeper issues... I'm now fit healthy and within the accepted "standards" of not being labelled "fat" .... but my point is... I still have the same personality... that for so long many didn't want to know about... I apologize if i have offended anyone
I don't believe you have offended anyone, Manicbutterfly. You opened a subject that people feel strongly about.

Your original post was very poignant, and so attracted us to read more.

But I do tend to agree with D_Lion: you may have many of the same basic traits you had before, but now show a different side of yourself in terms of your ability to take good care of yourself. At least, I hope that's how you lost the weight?

It's appealing to be with someone who cares enough about him or herself to take good care of his or her physical body--might imply they're taking good care of their other aspects, too.

Congratulations, and enjoy!
 
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