Why is physical apperance such an issue

I always wondered the samething. Why is looks so important to the opposite sex? Why does the outer beauty matter more than the inner beauty? Yes I know you need to be attracted to the person you are with but looks are not what make you as a person.

I always wondered the samething. Why is looks so important to the opposite sex? Why does the outer beauty matter more than the inner beauty? Yes I know you need to be attracted to the person you are with but looks are not what make you as a person.

Physical appearance wouldn't be an issue....if we were just computers looking to interface. But, we're not. We're biological organisms programmed to procreate. That's an entirely different ballgame in which looks can mean a great deal.

That's what upsets me too, neardc. If being overweight was as simple as calories in/calories out, there would be a lot fewer people struggling with weight issues. Oftentimes, it is more complex than that. Just as alcoholics and drug abusers are dealing with some psychological issue so too are people who overeat. I know I did. When I could get my head straight and deal with what was going on inside, food no longer filled the same role and it was easier to eat sensibly.

Looks are important for relationships. This isn't that complicated. What is the real difference between a girlfriend and a friend who's a girl? Typically it's because you don't think of your female friend "that way."

This is the same for women. I'm sure most women out there have guys they're friends with but aren't in a relationship with. What's the difference between them and relationship material?

I'll tell you what it's not. It's not their "inner beauty." Presumably you like your friends. You get along with them, your personalities mesh well, and you enjoy their company. Yet you still don't want to date them or sleep with them. That's purely physical.

What makes someone relationship material, for both men and women, is the combination of those physical and personal attributes that we are drawn to. If it's only the physical we like they're the "beautiful jerk/weirdo." If it's only the personal they're "just friends."

Both these things combine to be someone who's datable to us and then you have to factor in two other important aspects-reciprocity and environment. By reciprocity I mean they must feel the same way towards you for a relationship to begin and by environment I mean the situation must be appropriate (proximity, both people being single, same language, etc.).

The myth is that one matters more than the other. For a relationship this simply isn't true. Sure, the physical matters more in a purely physical encounter; one-night-stands involve two people and typically both genders. Women aren't judging the guy they want to sleep with and never see again based on his sparkling personality.

The physical is so important because it is the factor that takes something from otherwise being a friendship into a relationship.

Saying "looks are not what make you as a person" is like saying that you only have reason and not emotion. It's not true. People are a product of their appearance. We all at least partially define who we are by our appearance and the responses others have to that appearance.

These things do not exist alone. While it's convenient to think of it that way it's not accurate. Appearance is important because people say it is. And thus it's important, just as money has value because people believe it has value. Just because it's a social and biological construct doesn't make it any less real.

In fact it makes it more real. =)

Jacquesne