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The1Tomcat The1Tomcat is offline
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angelofmerci wrote :
Under normal circumstances when dating the fact that you are divorced and have a child would come up usually somewhere around the 2-3rd date. As for your condition that may come up on the first date as the woman might inquire what type of work do you do, then during your reply you would need to explain. Online communications is another bag of worms. These items might not come into play until after several messages have been exchanged. It really all boils down to how soon they ask about your past marital status. Good luck
The plus side for me is that we weren't married nor were we truly living together. So I can honestly say I was never married, not even common law. Thank god, because paying alimony on top of child support and giving up half my pension would be brutal... but I digress.

See I've never been good at picking up random women. I usually have met my girlfriends through mutual friends and know them for a fairly decent time before we start "dating" as it were. So normally I know a good amount of info on them and vice versa.

As for online I'd agree, it's about 2-3 messages in and I've told them what's up for the two major recent events in my life. So far 1 closed down communication listing "something in profile" reason, but I wasn't to OC with that person. And 1 has come back that they'd really like to continue and it's not a big deal to them and that they like my attitude towards how I'm dealing with these issues. So the way I see it, no losses so far, 1+
- June 17th, 2009, 04:14 am
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midnightstar midnightstar is offline
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Stick to what you feel is best. As a single mom I mention it briefly in my profile because I'm proud of the hard work that comes with being a single parent. I do agree that if she doesnt live with you then its a little different but maybe just say that you are a proud and dedicated father who hopes to find a good match and add to the family....then once you are in OC, they'll ask questions about her (i do) like how old she is, how often you see her, how do you feel about having a "new family" with someone else etc.
I for one feel I am more compatible with someone who already has a child, I feel they'd be more understanding but to each his own. One thing that does become a challenge is findiung a single parent who can travel if your match is out of town.
- June 17th, 2009, 09:20 am
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longsocks longsocks is offline
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I think adding your daughter to your profile is a smart move.

From the perspective of a single parent, I mention my daughter in my profile because I don't want to waste time with a guy who has no intention of ever dating someone with a child. There are lots of people out there who feel strongly about it and it's better for both of us if the match just gets closed right from the start.

From the perspective of a potential match, I would be a little concerned if a guy I was matched with hadn't put anything in his profile about having a child. It would seem a little like he was hiding the information, even if it wasn't intentional.

It's a pretty big deal, being a parent, and I feel like it's information to be shared sooner rather than later.

Oh, and congrats on being a new daddy!
- June 18th, 2009, 05:07 pm
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Trikster Trikster is offline
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Being a single father myself (with joint custody of my daughters) I mention them in my profile. Once I got into OC, more often than not, I was asked a little more in detail about them and what custody was like (in my case I have them 60% of the time, more than the norm for a male). I would just mention your daughter in your profile, don't really need to go into a whole bunch of specifics, just say you are a single father of a daughter you love dearly or something along that line. The rest you can work out in OC.
- June 23rd, 2009, 01:16 am
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basementcatliveshere basementcatliveshere is offline
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basementcatliveshere BC wonders why she let the kids talk her into getting a dog.

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Tomcat, based on what you have told us about the baby's mother (please don't take offense, I'm going by what you told us here), make sure you have had paternity established by a reliable medical lab. That said, I think you should put a note in your profile about the baby to let your matches know you are a single parent. The details can be given on a need-to-know basis from there. Good luck with your matches, and congratulations on the baby. You are doing an awesome thing by being a part of her life from the beginning.

- June 23rd, 2009, 12:44 pm
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The1Tomcat The1Tomcat is offline
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basementcatliveshere wrote :
Tomcat, based on what you have told us about the baby's mother (please don't take offense, I'm going by what you told us here), make sure you have had paternity established by a reliable medical lab. That said, I think you should put a note in your profile about the baby to let your matches know you are a single parent. The details can be given on a need-to-know basis from there. Good luck with your matches, and congratulations on the baby. You are doing an awesome thing by being a part of her life from the beginning.
No offense taken, paternity was established by a reliable lab, one of the first things I did actually. She is my daughter and it's honestly a relief knowing 100% now.

Well it seems the people who advised me were correct for the long run. Most matches in OC that I was completely honest with are stillin OC with me. Unfortunately the one I was most interested in and seemed to match my ambition and thoughts on things closest has decided to end communication. I'm totally understanding of that because to be honest, I don't want to be in a relationship with a single parent either... ironic that I became one myself no? I guess I just need to continue staying positive and the right match will come along eventually.
- June 23rd, 2009, 07:50 pm
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ktxmom ktxmom is offline
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The1Tomcat wrote :
Without going into details, she cheated on me a year and a half ago now... two different guys, who had no idea about me and one of the other guys thought he had a girlfriend for a month... anyways call me stupid (I do) I ended up taking her back once it all came out and she promised going to counselling etc etc whole host of issues I'm not willing to discuss...

I forgave her and stayed with her and it was hard but started to learn to trust her again... but things were just so damaged. About six months past and I was about to walk for other reasons, just plain incompatibility really when the bomb drop... pregnant. I'm in the 2% of pregnancies when the pill was apparently employed correctly... supposedly.

Once again I decided to stick around... things seemed to get a bit better... and then I found out about 2 months ago that she had been lying about some major stuff for about 4 months and that was the last straw. Everyone told me sticking around just because of a child is not healthy for everyone so I called it quits for good.

So as far as being ready to date again... yes. I've been pretty much emotionally gone from the relationship for well over a year now. The break up isn't new, it was really inevitable and my choice.

Besides, time's wasting, I'm not getting any younger and I'd like to find someone to eventually marry and have kids the proper way.

I'll update my profile and let the people I'm in OC with know. What's the worst that happens right? Oh well, some random person I chatted with briefly doesn't talk to me. I know my self worth, great job, responsible, good looking, caring. I just want my match and that's not asking too much.
2% eh...you sure she was even on the pill? I know that there is that chance but you have to wonder. If she was cheating on you how do you know your baby is even yours? I would be having a paternity test done.

As far as your question should you tell....well I believe in honesty so yes I think you should.
I myself am a single mom and I have had a lot of rejection because of having kids which is partially why I turned to Eharmony because no matter what my kids are my kids and if a man can't accept my kids then he's not worth my time. And I believe the same for a woman. If a girl decides she doesn't want to date you just because you have a child then you know what.....she's not worth your time.
- June 24th, 2009, 05:21 pm
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Ynot Ynot is offline
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Seems to me that there is a checkbox type item about if you have kids. Say yes, but don't get into it a lot in your profile. I'd want to know up front, and I have a son... so I disclose that IMMEDIATELY. You do not want to seem deceptive OR waste time with anyone who finds that fact that you already have a child as unacceptable.
- June 26th, 2009, 12:00 pm
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BelleNRaezMama BelleNRaezMama is offline
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In my opinion, I think you should post things about her in your profile. Be open and up front about having a daughter and how involved you are in her life. This may be a deal breaker for some, but for others, this may be redeeming.
- June 26th, 2009, 01:06 pm
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Wiseman2 Wiseman2 is offline
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ktxmom
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Hi everyone. I'm 28 and a single mom to 3 kids. Lately I have felt pretty down. I sit here and wonder if I will ever meet that one person, or if I should just give up now. Any man I meet won't date me because I have kids. The last guy we were getting along great. Then I had to bring my son with me the one day, and after that he said no more :S
I am getting pretty frustrated.
I just wonder if I should give up now. You know I think I could offer someone a lot. I love my kids with all my heart, and truly wish I could find someone who would accept them.
That last guy was 44. I was hoping since he was older he might be more mature but obviously not.
- Today, 10:03 am
The1Tomcat wrote :
Hi everyone,

This is my first post so go easy on me.

Here's my question and hoping especially women will give me their opinion.

I'm a single father as of about a month ago. My relationship with the mother of my daughter ended not long before my daughter was born. We're on good terms and still openly communicate and love our daughter very much. I plan on being a large part of my daughter's life and supporting her financially, emotionally, etc.

Since I find myself now back out and single, I'm very worried that my single father status will override everything else I have to offer. My little girl doesn't live with me so being honest I've put down that I do not have a child living with me full time.

My question is, when should I disclose that I have a child? Should I post up a picture on my profile so people can see me with her right from the start? Should I make mention of it in my profile? Or should I wait until open communication and broach the subject as we get to know each other?

Thanks for your opinions.
- June 26th, 2009, 02:29 pm
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