The negative gender stereotype that says ____________ hurts ME as a person because ____________


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  June 8,2009, 3:00pm
eHA_Admin_Lor…'s Avatar

My one wish for you, is love. :)

Moderator

Joined: Nov 2008

Santa Monica, CA

Posts: 5,120

See profile

In our continued quest to overcome negative gender stereotypes (to the extent that we can here) and open up the lines of communication between the genders, I invite (or challenge?) you to answer the question in the thread title.

Perhaps if we better understand the effects of these things on other people, that can help us overcome?

Looking forward to finding out!

Who's first?
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #2  June 8,2009, 5:41pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

Hi Lori,
Negative stereotypes is one of my pet peeves, so I’m going to answer this one.
 
  Reply With Quote
eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  June 9,2009, 12:49pm
eHA_Admin_Lor…'s Avatar

My one wish for you, is love. :)

Moderator

Joined: Nov 2008

Santa Monica, CA

Posts: 5,120

See profile

Thank you for your response, IcecreamMoon.

If someone's entire dating history consists of dating only goldiggers or only shallow people, etc. it does not mean that ALL of that gender are those things -- just that they've met only bad ones! But I think that as a knee-jerk reaction to the idea that they might have some culpability in their own situation, they lash out at the opposite gender to deflect blame away from themselves.

~~~

Anyone else want to weigh in on this discussion?
 
  Reply With Quote
tbesq is offline tbesq Post #4  June 9,2009, 2:58pm
tbesq's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,536

See profile

ALL negative gender stereotypes hurt everyone within the gender for the simple reason that requires everyone else to pay for the sins of a few.

I agree with you Lori, our society today, as a collective whole, is slowly losing touch with the importance of personal accountability. Most people have met a few wolves in sheep's clothing at one point or another, but if you're consistently dating the same types people with the same issues, that really says something about your own decisionmaking.
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  June 9,2009, 5:18pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

tbesq wrote :
ALL negative gender stereotypes hurt everyone within the gender for the simple reason that requires everyone else to pay for the sins of a few.
Very true. But not everyone believes stereotypes. It still comes down to personal values and choices. In my personal life, when I hear someone say "all women are this", "all men are that", and if it's not a joke, I just say "It was nice knowing you, goodbye". I don't allow myself to be affected by people like that.

tbesq wrote :
I agree with you Lori, our society today, as a collective whole, is slowly losing touch with the importance of personal accountability. Most people have met a few wolves in sheep's clothing at one point or another, but if you're consistently dating the same types people with the same issues, that really says something about your own decisionmaking.
That's true too. But most of us are good people. We are just a little lazy. We look for easy answers to complicated questions. It's much easier to say "I've met 2 female golddiggers, therefore all women are gold diggers". It takes more effort to analyze and discover personal responsibility and patterns of behavior. That's what I mean when I say that knowledge and understanding of ourselves and others gives us power to overcome negative stereotypes.
 
  Reply With Quote
tbesq is offline tbesq Post #6  June 9,2009, 6:05pm
tbesq's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,536

See profile

IcecreamMoon wrote :
Very true. But not everyone believes stereotypes. It still comes down to personal values and choices. In my personal life, when I hear someone say "all women are this", "all men are that", and if it's not a joke, I just say "It was nice knowing you, goodbye". I don't allow myself to be affected by people like that.



That's true too. But most of us are good people. We are just a little lazy. We look for easy answers to complicated questions. It's much easier to say "I've met 2 female golddiggers, therefore all women are gold diggers". It takes more effort to analyze and discover personal responsibility and patterns of behavior. That's what I mean when I say that knowledge and understanding of ourselves and others gives us power to overcome negative stereotypes.
Not everyone believes stereotypes, that is true. But if I don't believe it, I don't need to perpetuate it. It's just negative energy...so why even say anything? If people just echoed negative stereotypes, without more, that's one thing. But when people make dating decisions based on those stereotypes, they've obviously bought into them somewhat.

I didn't say people who make bad dating decisions are bad people, I'm just saying they make bad decisions. Nor did I say I can't overcome those stereotypes...I just move on to the next woman. But it is annoying nevertheless, especially on these discussion boards. I know negative stereotypes will never go away, but one can dream
 
  Reply With Quote
graceventually is offline graceventually Post #7  June 9,2009, 6:17pm
graceventuall…'s Avatar

was married Nov.28, and is no longer active on this site.

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2008

Posts: 3,056

See profile

My pet peeve with regard to gender stereotypes is related to the ways in which they can become self-fulfilling prophecies. I did not want lowered expectations for my daughter because her dad was not a part of her life. I always tried to tell her that the statistics that say that such children are more likely to do poorly in school or to engage in risky behavior do not mean that every child does. I even had a potential date some years ago tell me that he hoped I wasn't expecting him to "rescue us"! That arrogant.....well, anyway.
At any rate, she's bright,she's confident, she's college-bound, and she's been less trouble than most of the teens from two-parent homes that I know. We're fine, thanks - because we chose not to believe the naysayers who thought that we couldn't be.
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #8  June 9,2009, 6:29pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

tbesq wrote :
I didn't say people who make bad dating decisions are bad people
I never thought you did. I wasn't arguing, I was agreeing, in my own way

tbesq wrote :
I know negative stereotypes will never go away, but one can dream
I'm right there with you, dreaming away...
 
  Reply With Quote
eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  June 10,2009, 3:31pm
eHA_Admin_Lor…'s Avatar

My one wish for you, is love. :)

Moderator

Joined: Nov 2008

Santa Monica, CA

Posts: 5,120

See profile

graceventually wrote :
My pet peeve with regard to gender stereotypes is related to the ways in which they can become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Taking this into the dating realm, imagine this:

Man has been used for his money before. Meets a woman - she's not a golddigger, she's independent, has a great job. However, because he's accustomed to that expectation of him based on his past experience, he showers her with monetary expressions of affection - expensive dinners, jewelry, maybe even a trip or two. Things don't work out...and he feels he was once again used for his wealth and discarded and labels her (and all other women) golddiggers.

Substitute the man with money with an "ordinary" woman who feels she's not up to societal's standards of beauty and who assumes when they break up it was because he thought her not beautiful enough....or any other combination of stereotypes and it can definitely create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You're going to find what you're looking for in life, I think. Look for bad, and you'll find it.

~~~

I'll answer my own question. The negative gender stereotype that says that women only care about what a man can do for them financially hurts ME as a person because I resent what it implies about women....that we all need a man to "take care of us" financially, that we are manipulative enough to enter and nuture a relationship solely for fiduciary gain. Sure, there are a few of those out there who meet that description, probably QUITE a few, but the vast majority of the women I have known in my life didn't give a hoot about their date's "spending power'. It upsets me to think that any man I would be dating might be wondering about my motivations along those lines and that I may be in a position where I have to prove myself to NOT be a golddigger.
 
  Reply With Quote
graceventually is offline graceventually Post #10  June 10,2009, 3:48pm
graceventuall…'s Avatar

was married Nov.28, and is no longer active on this site.

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2008

Posts: 3,056

See profile

I can understand that, Lori; and I think I ran into some of that when my daughter was younger....an expectation that I was looking to be supported, rescued, etc. I never said those things (certainly not on a first date!) but I think some men jumped to that conclusion regardless.
Nice to be past that phase of my life!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Marking the occasion (and expressing your feelings) with a card | About You | One thing I really Want is what all people want: someone that truly wants to be with me and Loves me. »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“He said he feels we both have a lot going on in our lives that need to get straightened out before we can focus on a relationship. Sorry, but that's just a sugar coated way of him saying he's just ... ” –  tweet37

Join the “The End Maybe Coming” discussion

“Is there an eH site in the Philippines? Are you a citizen / resident or living there? Are you looking to the eHA advice site or the paid eHarmony site to meet someone? The eHarmony site has questions ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Profile Review please 25/F” discussion

“The article is retarded. Everyone knows that looks and money create attraction. At least initial attraction. And if it isn't there, anything after that is a no-go. And if there isn't much to look ... ” –  tweet37

Join the “Do Looks and Money Really Create Attraction?” discussion

“It would be best to be original and reflect who you are. Writing style etc. is one thing, but copying "this sounds good" from other profiles before you fill your own out won't yield much. No one here ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Introducing Myself” discussion

“ Dang you're right I really need some sleep ” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“I hate when the gal pays then expects me to put out, especially on the first date when it's perfectly clear in my profile that I have a two date rule. Sheesh.” –  tweet37

Join the “who pays?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 5:20am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0