I Don't Want To Lose A Good Thing!


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CurveAppeal is offline CurveAppeal Post #1  May 28,2009, 9:21pm
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Hi All,

I need some sound advice. I met someone truly wonderful on EH -- he came as a complete and utter surprise I was only on for a few weeks when his profile was sent to me. He says that he had considered closing his profile until I came along,,, The problem is, we haven't met because, I am currently working on a campaign that is extremely demanding & requires daily travel to varying long distance points throughout the state. My schedule will be this way until the end of Summer (August-September). I really don't want to lose the possibility of really learning more about this man I find completely engaging. We speak for hours, though less often than I'd like, and we write to one another almost daily (although he seems to be writing less frequently & his notes are shorter). He speaks often about places he'd like for me to see & things he'd like for us to do when my schedule permits, but I sense that he's becoming distant. How can I make the most of the emails & phone calls to keep him interested while I fulfill my professional obligations. I don't want to lose the possibility of building a possible partnership with someone I really enjoy, Any advice out there would be welcome!...
 
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Yourdes10e is offline Yourdes10e Post #2  May 29,2009, 12:14pm
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Pick a confirmed calender date for a planned activity. Even if it is 60 days away, it will give you both something to plan and look forward to.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #3  May 29,2009, 12:14pm
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CurveAppeal,

Welcome to the eHarmony discussion boards.

Maintaining a sustained long-distance communication with someone can be difficult, especially if you've never met the person. Sometimes there is burnout, be it intentional or not.

Have you asked your match why his time on the phone and over e-mail has diminished? If so, what did he say? If it bothers you, you should let him know tactfully. Also, I would think about phoning and writing less often. That will keep the communication fresh, and when you do make the time to communicate you two will have more to discuss.

Best of luck.
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #4  May 29,2009, 12:45pm
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IMHO the guy is looking for a relationship and all he's getting is a pen pal. tbesq noted that it's a long distance relationship but I didn't see that.

Unfortunately for you, your work schedule and obligations are putting a strain on starting a relationship. If you could work out a way to start meeting on weekends until work demands improve maybe he'll hang on until then if he understands and is willing to compromise a little.

Otherwise, he's just one that got away.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #5  May 29,2009, 12:57pm
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Tweet37 -- I said it was long-distance "communication," not a relationship. If there were an actual relationship, the diminishing communication would actually be more problematic.
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #6  May 29,2009, 1:22pm
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tbesq wrote :
Tweet37 -- I said it was long-distance "communication," not a relationship. If there were an actual relationship, the diminishing communication would actually be more problematic.
Oops...my bad. I agree. But I still don't see that it's a long distance anything. Maybe it's implied because they haven't been able to meet yet.
 
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Blackadder is offline Blackadder Post #7  May 29,2009, 1:31pm
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CurveAppeal wrote :
We speak for hours, though less often than I'd like, and we write to one another almost daily (although he seems to be writing less frequently & his notes are shorter). He speaks often about places he'd like for me to see & things he'd like for us to do when my schedule permits, but I sense that he's becoming distant.
I don't know what you've already talked with him about, but since you haven't actually met I would tend to believe he's simply running out of things to talk about, thus the shorter e-mails. He's not stopping, but I'm inclined to believe he's struggling to come up with things to say. I get the same way because I don't want to rehash the same things over and over again. It's like you know when you've run out of topic when the conversation turns to the weather.

If he understands your schedule and is willing to work around it you will both have to come up with new and exciting things to throw into the conversation. He may be a little distant but only because he wants to see you and feels that he's missing out. After all, he is talking about things he would like to do when your time permits, so he is yearning for that connection. Once you do meet and date you'll have shared experiences to talk about and more plans to make. I wouldn't read too much into it or analyze it to death.

I don't know what state you're in. Some are only a few hours across. Is there a way he could meet you at one of your varying points for lunch or something? Would he be willing to travel to see you, if only for a short time?
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #8  May 29,2009, 1:44pm
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tweet37 wrote :
Oops...my bad. I agree. But I still don't see that it's a long distance anything. Maybe it's implied because they haven't been able to meet yet.
The OP is on the road. Assuming her match isn't going with her it's long-distance, be it an actual relationship or just communication. They can't just find a time to meet up locally, and they won't able to meet until she returns. That's what I meant.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  May 29,2009, 2:07pm
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I think the specifics you describe are normal – even if I like someone, I do not have the time or interest to devote to long, repetitive phone calls / e-mails.

Are you not available even on weekends?
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  May 29,2009, 2:50pm
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Go ahead and meet up in person, the sooner the better.

Might save you months of time spent talking.
 
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