Red28 is offline Red28 Post #1  May 24,2009, 7:58pm
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Hey!

I have a question for guys in my age range (as can be seen by my topic title!) I'm 27 and was raised in a family with a LOT of younger siblings. I've spent most of my childhood helping raise them and most of them call me other mother. Due to this I'm kind of burned out on that end and don't really want any kids of my own. I love kids, I'm really good around them and would love to be an aunt or a godmother type figure BUT I don't want any of my own.

So, my question to guys, do you ALL want kids? I honestly thought there'd be an even mix of guys out there who wanted kids, didn't want kids, etc. Imagine my surprise when I selected no kids in my preferences and got TWO matches in about two and a half months. Setting my preference to "maybe" got me mostly matches that were the flex match thing where the guy wanted kids, I set the setting to "yes" just to see if I had a problem with my settings being to restricted in other areas and proceeded to get over a hundred matches in about a month, meaning the problem is selecting the "no kids" setting.

My SO, to reiterate, how is it that ALL guys between 20 and 35 want kids? I'm not particularly worried about it, mind you. I'm happy in my life and joined Eharmony to see if there was someone out there to share it with but if there isn't then there isn't. I'm not going to overlook what I do have because of one or two things I don't have. I'm mainly just curious, how is it you all universally want kids?

Anyhoo, that's my question for those interested in answering. Have a great day!
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #2  May 24,2009, 10:31pm
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I think that many men will want the option to have children in the future.

I most likely want to have children. If I fall for someone & then we decide that we don't want or cannot have them then that is one thing. I would rather not lose that option before we even get started.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #3  May 24,2009, 11:23pm

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Red28 wrote :
Hey!

I have a question for guys in my age range (as can be seen by my topic title!) I'm 27 and was raised in a family with a LOT of younger siblings. I've spent most of my childhood helping raise them and most of them call me other mother. Due to this I'm kind of burned out on that end and don't really want any kids of my own. I love kids, I'm really good around them and would love to be an aunt or a godmother type figure BUT I don't want any of my own.

So, my question to guys, do you ALL want kids? I honestly thought there'd be an even mix of guys out there who wanted kids, didn't want kids, etc. Imagine my surprise when I selected no kids in my preferences and got TWO matches in about two and a half months. Setting my preference to "maybe" got me mostly matches that were the flex match thing where the guy wanted kids, I set the setting to "yes" just to see if I had a problem with my settings being to restricted in other areas and proceeded to get over a hundred matches in about a month, meaning the problem is selecting the "no kids" setting.

My SO, to reiterate, how is it that ALL guys between 20 and 35 want kids? I'm not particularly worried about it, mind you. I'm happy in my life and joined Eharmony to see if there was someone out there to share it with but if there isn't then there isn't. I'm not going to overlook what I do have because of one or two things I don't have. I'm mainly just curious, how is it you all universally want kids?

Anyhoo, that's my question for those interested in answering. Have a great day!
Check out this Eha group called "Single with no Children." You might meet someone there! Good luck.

Single with no children Group -eHarmony Advice
 
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Red28 is offline Red28 Post #4  May 25,2009, 9:10am
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bigfincat - yeah, I can understand guys wanting the option. I'm not foolish enough to say where I'll be or how I'll feel five or seven years down the road but I don't want to mislead a guy by saying "maybe" when it might very possibly end up continuing to be "never." I suppose I could select "maybe" and then put in the comments at the end that the possiblity exists I might never change my mind about wanting them? That way at least they'd know in advance what they were getting into.

outlaw1 - thank you! I didn't know such a group existed! I will definitely check it out.

Thank you to both of you for your responses and I wish you luck in your own searches!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  May 25,2009, 11:36am
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I’m surprised at the difference you report from having changed the settings.

I do not.
 
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Red28 is offline Red28 Post #6  May 25,2009, 2:23pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I’m surprised at the difference you report from having changed the settings.

I do not.
Yeah? I don't know what it is. I orginally had it set to "maybe" and was consistently getting a few matches a week. I switched it to "no", got two (with a LOT of space in between them) and then nothing, at all. It went on so long I even checked to make sure I hadn't somehow accidentally turned off my matching, I hadn't. I went ahead and changed it back to "maybe" and put in my comments section that I'm on the "maybe-but probably not" end of having kids. That should be okay, at least then the guy knows upfront what's what.

I really liked an option on another site I was briefly on, in terms of wanting kids it gave you the option of "yes," "no," "maybe but probably not," and "maybe probably yes." I thought that was clearer than just "maybe" because you can be on either end of the spectrum.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #7  May 25,2009, 7:36pm
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Right now I have my setting as no, as I am 20 (turning 21 in a few weeks) and do not even want to think about it for another 10 years.
 
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Red28 is offline Red28 Post #8  May 26,2009, 10:15am
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Yeah, that's kind of where I am. I don't want kids right now, I MAY want them down the road (and that's a big MAYBE) but I absolutely know for a fact I don't want them now or in the next five to seven years. I have two friends who are both frantic that they're OH MY GOSH 27 AND THEY DON'T HAVE KIDS YET!! My response is "you're 27, not 72!" Even if I got married tomorrow and waited seven years I'd only be 34 years old. Also, if I never had children at all I'd be fine with it. I don't get the idea some people have (not all but some) that kids are the be all and end all. Kids are great but there's more to life than just that. I don't believe anyone HAS to have kids, but, that's me. Other people feel different so whatever.

On a side note, I changed my setting to "maybe" and put a qualifier in the "About Me" section and promptly got four matches whereas with the "no" setting I hadn't gotten any for the past three weeks. Go figure!

Whatever though, if I meet someone I meet someone and if I don't that's fine as well. I tend to notice single people (like me!) have a lot more freedome anyway! Sometimes I see certain couples and wonder "now why did I want to get married again????"
 
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AgOrApHoBiChEaRt is offline AgOrApHoBiChEaRt Post #9  May 26,2009, 2:54pm

is sorry she ever signed on.........

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my advice to you is to just be honest, if you dont want kids then stick with that. putting maybe when you really mean no will only cause issues further down. just be real and although it will take more time to find her. you will find your dream girl. the quantity will be reduced but the quality you are looking for will be revealed.
 
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Red28 is offline Red28 Post #10  May 26,2009, 4:44pm
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When I find my dream GUY you mean! I have been told I think like a guy! Maybe that's my problem!

Yeah, I'm probably putting more thought into it than I need to. I suppose if he's out there I'll meet him eventually even if he IS only one of FIVE guys on the PLANET who doesn't want kids!

One thing I've noticed is older guys (40s and 50s) have usually already raised kids and don't want any more SO at least I'll know I'll be able to find someone when I hit my 40s!
 
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