Deadly Secrets

Deadly Secrets

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Deadly Secrets


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Mr. Nice Guy is offline Mr. Nice Guy Post #1  May 17,2009, 11:38am
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Yup, good advice. I know I have at least one skeleton in my closet. And to think that I have already reached O.C. with a very interesting match right now on EH, more interesting than all the others I have reached O.C. with anyway. I know that if this turns into a love affair between me and her or may be about to turn into such a thing, then I am going to have to tell her about it eventually. I have every intention of doing so, too! I just really hope and pray that it won't be a deal breaker for her. The good news is that I have already shared this particular "skeleton in my closet" with others whom I trust completely and they have taken it very well. That, of course, gives me a lot more confidence in sharing it with a potential partner. I think it would be best share this secret right before we both decide to go long-term, if we indeed ever get to that point. But I guess it really all depends on what the secret really is, which, of course, I cannot share it with you because it's my deepest darkest secret of all time!
 
What do you think? Any suggestions?
 
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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #2  May 17,2009, 5:21pm

does not believe everything she reads.

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I don't get it. I'm not sure how any advice will be helpful if we don't know what we're dealing with here.
 
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all_seasons is offline all_seasons Post #3  May 17,2009, 6:17pm
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Yeah, you kind of have to spill the beans now, MNG....throw us a bone. Oh, and by the way, my .02 is this: have a few dates and fun before getting to skeletons. Geeze!!!
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #4  May 17,2009, 7:25pm
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Once, I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Other than that, no skeletons in my closet!

(But, yeah; there are few "secrets" that need to be put on the table as soon as you meet someone or in the initial stages of dating...)
 
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Mr. Nice Guy is offline Mr. Nice Guy Post #5  May 18,2009, 4:37am
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all_seasons wrote :
Yeah, you kind of have to spill the beans now, MNG....throw us a bone.
Um, no. I would rather not have any of my matches on EH, who might also read the EHAdvice forums to read this thread and know all about it. I mean, how do I really know right now if things are going to work out between me and the girl I am in O.C. with right now. The reality is, I really don't know and I definitely do not want her to read this thread herself and find out about it too early. And just because I happened to be the first one to admit in this thread that I have at least one skeleton does not mean I am the only human being in the world that has one. I am sure there are lots of other members here at EHAdvice and on eHarmony that have skeletons of their own, not just me.

So how about it? Is anyone else brave enough to talk about their skeletons right here on EHAdvice?! I assume the answer to that question is a resounding "No!" else you must be really nuts!
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #6  May 18,2009, 6:37am
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And this is why i have no pic and no corroboration with my EH profile.

To be honest, it totally depends on your "deadly secret". If your deadly secret is that you're infected with a slow case of ebola, but anyone who comes near you will get the express version, yeah, thats a pretty big deadly secret. But if you're "deadly secret" is that you've never had any experience whatsoever and you're terrified, not so bad.

I think a generic answer is this. If your secret risks the well being of the person you are dating, than she needs to know. If your secret MAY risk the person your dating if you do certain things, you need to let them know before you do that certain thing. If your secret is something you're ashamed of, but will have no real consequence other than humiliating yourself, then you need to decide when you are comfortable revealing said secret.

Use the imminent harm theory. If someone has a chance to get hurt being with you, than they have the right to know they are risking their lives or well being with you. This person you are dating is going out with you because they are looking to enjoy themselves with you. If that is a lie, and they are in fact harming themselves, then they have the right to know.
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #7  May 18,2009, 7:21am

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what if... the person you're dating IS the skeleton in your life ?
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #8  May 18,2009, 11:08am
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txbubba wrote :
what if... the person you're dating IS the skeleton in your life ?
hehehe... find a new date!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  May 18,2009, 11:52am
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neardc wrote :
Once, I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Me too! Can this be coincidence, or are we destined for each other?
 
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Blackadder is offline Blackadder Post #10  May 18,2009, 11:52am
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Ah, it's all about communication. If she's going to be your life partner just be honest with her. Over on another post about whether porn is good or bad some see that as a definate deal breaker. You don't want to get to the point of proposal in your relationship and spring something on her that is on her definate no-no list. Talk about things casually and get her opinion instead of blurting it out. Maybe you can come to an agreement or she might surprise you with an admission of her own since you're being so honest. Communication is the key word here. If it is something that happened twenty years ago and has no bearing on your life now or in the future then it doesn't really matter, but if it is an ongoing thing and will affect your relationship and you've so far been purposely hiding it from her, well then you're really not being yourself and basically lying to her by misrepresenting who you really are. Just talk.
 
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