Counselling, paying someone to hear your story of woe? or truly helpful?


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pageturnerr is offline pageturnerr Post #1  January 2,2009, 9:09pm
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Is counselling actually a surefire way to make your personal problems "get better" or "heal", or is it literally paying someone to hear your story of woe?


Personally I believe that it is not a good way to "heal". I've been to a number of different counsellors, prescribed a number of different medications,and bothbecame fruitless quite quickly . A few years down the road, I ended up resolving my own personal issues myself without help or medication, and now consider myself a happy individual and at peace with myself.


I consistantly see people recommending counselling(in these threads as well as in person) as a solution to most of life's problems, and it irritates me to no end, given the fact that it was quite the waste of money for myself.


So, for those of you who have gotten counselling and recieved results, is this something you could have done yourself, or was counselling the only answer for you?
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #2  January 2,2009, 10:25pm
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All counseling is good for you. Therapy is a field that has such a variance in expertise which makes the degree as to which it helps you varies significantly.


A good therapist is important & so is giving in to it & actually actively participating in it.


Many people just go through the motions which may just benefit you by verbalizing some of your issues.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #3  January 2,2009, 10:37pm
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I think it depends on the counselor. I was lucky to have a fantastic one while I was going through my divorce. She challenged my belief system and made me see many things in a whole new light. The best part is that she never gave advice. She just asked probing questions and let me talk my way through it. It absolutely made a huge difference for me personally. She was a much needed different voice that I needed to hear.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #4  January 3,2009, 12:58am
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first off, i have to say i think there are quite a lot of counsellors out there who don't seem to know what well-adjusted looks like. got to know where you're going to get there.


second, i think it's important to understand the process of whatever methodology a counsellor is using. in a way, counseling is not something done to you, it's a tool you use to do something for yourself.


third, every doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, and guru has a schtick. they don't find the schtick that works for you, you find the practitioner with the schtick that works for you.


fourth, there is an over-abundance of talk therapy, IMO, in particular. this is worthless for a vast array of things. what it is good for is finding out all the junk that plays in your head and comes out of your mouth like a broken record. we can't hear ourselves over our own thoughts, and friends get caught up in our content and logic. but you know, our mantras may or may not be a problem.
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #5  January 3,2009, 8:17am
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pageturnerr, wrote :

Is counselling actually a surefire way to make your personal problems "get better" or "heal", or is it literally paying someone to hear your story of woe?


Personally I believe that it is not a good way to "heal". I've been to a number of different counsellors, prescribed a number of different medications,and bothbecame fruitless quite quickly . A few years down the road, I ended up resolving my own personal issues myself without help or medication, and now consider myself a happy individual and at peace with myself.


I consistantly see people recommending counselling(in these threads as well as in person) as a solution to most of life's problems, and it irritates me to no end, given the fact that it was quite the waste of money for myself.


So, for those of you who have gotten counselling and recieved results, is this something you could have done yourself, or was counselling the only answer for you?
In my situation, going to the RIGHT counselor made all the difference. She was able to help me see my situation for what it was andhas beenthere every step of the way for me. Because of my situation, I needed a really good support sytem and she has been a healthy, objective part of that. I definitely think I would be in a completely different place right now without her (scary thought!). But, again, I think the key is finding the RIGHT counselor. I'd been to counselors prior to her and the sessions definiely seemed like time spent venting, but nothing in my life was really changing.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #6  January 3,2009, 8:50am
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There is nothing "surefire" in life. In counseling, the key is selecting the right counselor (which takes time and effort) and then really putting the effort in to work through whatever it is you need to work through.


I'm not sure that I would view counseling as a cure for what ails you as much as I would view it as one path on the way to healing yourself. In your case, you say you solved your personal problems yourself some time later. Can you be sure you'd have been able to do that without whatever impact the counseling and meds had on you earlier?


Of course, the effectiveness of counseling depends on a number of things: the qualifications of the counselor, the "fit" between counselor and client, and the true effort the client puts into to process.


In my case, finding the right counselor at the right time very likely made all the difference in my life. On the other hand, I have had bad counseling experiences...counselors who did not seem able to remain objective or focused on a good outcome to the issue in question.


It's just another option...sometimes the best one and sometimes not.
 
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pageturnerr is offline pageturnerr Post #7  January 3,2009, 9:50am
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littlebluemonkeymind,411218 wrote :

I'm not sure that I would view counseling as a cure for what ails you as much as I would view it as one path on the way to healing yourself. In your case, you say you solved your personal problems yourself some time later. Can you be sure you'd have been able to do that without whatever impact the counseling and meds had on you earlier?
I certainly can. The meds I was prescribed earlier, in my opinion, had a negative effect on my state of mind. My thinking processes were slowed down substantially, it was as if my brian was trudging through thick mud. Needless to say I stopped taking them quite quickly.


As for finding the right counsellor, apparently i did not, because I didn't feel that there were any steps taken to change my mindset, or boost my self-esteem. I did try my best to adapt my thinking to the sugestions of the counsellors, while taking the meds, but it had just made my situation worse. I have gone through 4 different counsellors, each one of them bringing a different approach to the table, but still unsucessful.


After I had decided that counselling had become quite fruitless, I ended up falling in with the wrong crowd (due to my self-esteem levels, i went with where i was accepted) and doing drugs and drinking, i didnt spend much time with my sober mind, and i liked it that way. It wasnt until i watched a good friend of mine overdose in my apartment, he took a siezure, and almost died. I was forced to call the paramedics when he stopped breathing,and get him taken to the hospital. He survived, but it was close, his heart was pounding at 160 bpm his heart wasnt goin to take much more punishment.Not long after we were at it again, and when the drinks started flowing, he flipped out on me for calling the paramedics, telling me i should have let him die that night, its what he had wanted. That's when i realized this needs to stop.


I had then quit everything, the drinking and the drugs and most of the partying, and spent alot of time in silent refletion trying to figure out what my f***ing probelem was. It was a long and grueling process, but i did it myself, with noone else's help, and using my own tactics rather than what was suggested to me by the different counsellors. Now here I am, picking up the pieces, getting my life back on track, and I am generally a happy person and at peace.


Counselling was what had essentially caused my downward spiral into drugs and drinking. I figured if the counsellors couldnt help me, there wasnt much hope. The only time i felt at peace, was when i was drunk and stoned out of my mind.


That being said, counselling was actually quite devastating for me, so to answer your question of whether or not counselling had any influence in me solving my personal problems, it did not. Though I'm not against someone going to see a counsellor because everyone is different, maybe it was me, i wasnt ready to stir up all the emotional baggage and counselling provoked that too early in me, or maybe it was my counsellor giving me the wrong medication, or using the wrong tactics, I dont know. What I do know is that counselling had worked for many others, so it must just be luck whether or not you find the right one or you are truly ready for what it brings up.
 
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corky44 is offline corky44 Post #8  January 3,2009, 12:49pm
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I think FruitaBu hit a key point on the head. A great deal of it depends on the counselor. I've been to a few counselors and my kids have as well. One was absolutely fantastic, most have been good, one was so terrible I reported her to my insurance company for ethics violations. I think it's best to get opinions from friends and your doctor if you have a good relationship there. You may not find out who is best for you, but you can eliminate some of the quacks that way.


LBMM is also correct in that you have to be willing to work with the counselor in order for counseling to be effective.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #9  January 3,2009, 10:20pm
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corky44,411718 wrote :


I think FruitaBu hit a key point on the head. A great deal of it depends on the counselor. I've been to a few counselors and my kids have as well. One was absolutely fantastic, most have been good, one was so terrible I reported her to my insurance company for ethics violations. I think it's best to get opinions from friends and your doctor if you have a good relationship there. You may not find out who is best for you, but you can eliminate some of the quacks that way.


LBMM is also correct in that you have to be willing to work with the counselor in order for counseling to be effective.


And a great deal depends on the 'condition.' For example, Borderline Personality Disorder does not respond well to medication or therapy. Those folks often see counseling as a waste of money.


In general, a skilled counselor can be both objective and knowledgeable, because they've seen it all and heard it all before you. Although we believe we are unique and our circumstances are complex, the reality is that most counselors have had other patients with issues just like ours. In most instances, therapy should occur along with other modes of treatment, including medication or just allowing time to pass to cope with life's difficulties. You shouldn't think of therapy as the whole answer to anything, or you'll likely be disappointed.
 
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treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #10  January 3,2009, 11:55pm
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I've only known two people who received therapy/counseling, and in my opinion, neither were well-served by it. One went to therapy off/on for10+ years for depression. Sometimes with medication, usually without medication, and multiple therapists/counselors/psychiatrists. She still suffers from depression and has days that she cannot get out of bed.


The other went to couples therapy for 1.5 years with his wife. They met at 18 years old, got married at 20 and approaching 30 years, she wanted to have children. However, he grew up in a household where his Mom and Dad fought constantly... the same wayhe and his wifefought. He did not want to raise children in that kind of home. He no longer loved her, and did not want to have children with her. The counselor sided with his wife and they both blamed him for the decline of the marriage in their sessions every week [I sided with his wife too, because he never had the courage to tell her that he did not love her, did not want to have children with her, and would not let her go so she could find the life she wanted to live (being a Mom)].


I think that therapy/counseling can be helpful with a good therapist/counselor and the right mindset. However, I also think that there are a lot of therapists/counselors out there making a great living off people who need better care and support.
 
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