Counselling, paying someone to hear your story of woe? or truly helpful?


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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #21  January 4,2009, 10:38pm
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pageturnerr, wrote :

Is counselling actually a surefire way to make your personal problems "get better" or "heal", or is it literally paying someone to hear your story of woe?


Personally I believe that it is not a good way to "heal". I've been to a number of different counsellors, prescribed a number of different medications,and bothbecame fruitless quite quickly . A few years down the road, I ended up resolving my own personal issues myself without help or medication, and now consider myself a happy individual and at peace with myself.


I consistantly see people recommending counselling(in these threads as well as in person) as a solution to most of life's problems, and it irritates me to no end, given the fact that it was quite the waste of money for myself.


So, for those of you who have gotten counselling and recieved results, is this something you could have done yourself, or was counselling the only answer for you?
Like any health profession, you've got your quacks and your truly helpful individuals. Sometimes it takes a bit more "shopping" around to find someone compatable with your needs.


Perhaps you were able to resolve your issues because in some way, being in counseling triggered your healing process to the point where yourealized you could work it out on your own. Short term anti-depressant intake can help balance out the chemicals in the brain long enough to calm a person down so they can get a handle on things.


I for one, suggest counseling for those I sense have experienced so much trauma that professional assistance can be very helpful in stabilizing a person with a lot of issues. It may not be for everyone but many people have benefitted from it. Counselors, Ministers, Therapists give us concentrated time to share things we might not feel safe to share with others, even our closest friends and they are mandated to keep confidentiality. These professionals can provide a safe place to heal for many seeking to gain more insight into their own lives so they can be healthier and happier.
 
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ManekiNeko is offline ManekiNeko Post #22  January 5,2009, 9:54pm
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pageturnerr, wrote :

Is counselling actually a surefire way to make your personal problems "get better" or "heal", or is it literally paying someone to hear your story of woe?


Personally I believe that it is not a good way to "heal". I've been to a number of different counsellors, prescribed a number of different medications,and bothbecame fruitless quite quickly . A few years down the road, I ended up resolving my own personal issues myself without help or medication, and now consider myself a happy individual and at peace with myself.


I consistantly see people recommending counselling(in these threads as well as in person) as a solution to most of life's problems, and it irritates me to no end, given the fact that it was quite the waste of money for myself.


So, for those of you who have gotten counselling and recieved results, is this something you could have done yourself, or was counselling the only answer for you?
Have you ever stopped to think for a minute?

If a therapist actually CURES you, and you no longer need the therapist, then the therapist will lose money because you're no longer giving him or her $150 an hour to tell them that your life sucks.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #23  January 5,2009, 10:29pm
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Therapists are successful when their clients get better.


Mane - you have promised in the past to pursue getting some professional help (as so many here have very sincerely recommended for you); please seemy post on page one with some links to resources that might be helpful to you.
 
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ManekiNeko is offline ManekiNeko Post #24  January 6,2009, 9:08pm
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Dc, I'm going to level with you here.


I was in counseling, for a very long time. Actually, For two and a half years in high school, it was required I take 30 minutes, sometimes 60 a week of counseling. I never minded -- I loved getting out of class to do it.


I went back in '94 through the college but they were very strict about limiting the number of visits I could use -- I think the most I ever got was 14 in a year, and the counselor pulled strings to get it increased from 12. She was a sweet counselor in her late 30s, but still looked incredible, named Dr. Nelson. God I loved talking to her.


Then in 1999, it was recommended that I go to a professional counselor as I was only allowed 10 sessions per year at the college I went to. I found one that operated on a sliding scale and got in for $0 because my income, including grants, amounted to maybe $8,000 a year.

I got a middle-aged Hispanic lady named Ms. Alvarez who must have said the phrases "how does that make you feel?" and "What does that mean?" 200 times in the time that I went and after 3 years I quit going solely because I felt I wasn't making any real progress. I literally got so sick and tired of hearing those two phrases that I told myself if I heard them one more time I was going to leave. That's what happened. Plus, I happen to know through several talks that she wasn't overly crazy about me. When she let me know this, she wanted to explore the way I handled rejection and I flatly told her off.


I haven't been back since then, largely due to my very negative experience with Ms. Alvarez. I actually recently heard from a friend of mine that one of her friends became a counselor just to mess with people's lives.

If I'm going to go through that again, I want results, not "What does that mean?"
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #25  January 6,2009, 9:38pm
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Well, it doesn't sound like Ms. Alvarez was a very good match for you... What I think is worth trying for you is some sort of cognitive behavioral therapy. It's very results oriented and not so focused on the "how does that make you feel" psychoanalysis type stuff. It's short-term, so fits in better with what your health insurance is likely to cover. It has been found to be effective for many people with a variety of problems. The focus is on your thoughts and learning to interrupt and change destructive/negative thought patterns (not on what happened in your childhood or what your mother did or whatever). I very much encourage you to look into it....


BTW, I know many people in clinical psychology, and I have never known a single one who just wanted to "mess with people's lives." In fact, that would be grossly against the ethics code and grounds for getting kicked out of the profession. I suspect that your friend's friend may have just been making a not very good joke...
 
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amrita is offline amrita Post #26  January 6,2009, 10:18pm
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pageturnerr, wrote :

Is counselling actually a surefire way to make your personal problems "get better" or "heal", or is it literally paying someone to hear your story of woe?


Personally I believe that it is not a good way to "heal". I've been to a number of different counsellors, prescribed a number of different medications,and bothbecame fruitless quite quickly . A few years down the road, I ended up resolving my own personal issues myself without help or medication, and now consider myself a happy individual and at peace with myself.


I consistantly see people recommending counselling(in these threads as well as in person) as a solution to most of life's problems, and it irritates me to no end, given the fact that it was quite the waste of money for myself.


So, for those of you who have gotten counselling and recieved results, is this something you could have done yourself, or was counselling the only answer for you?
Co


unseling is one of the best things I've done in my life. I am a counselor myself, and I totally understand that there are some very unqualified/bad counselors out there. It is very important to have the one that's right for you as the relationship between you is one of the most important components of the therapy. Without it you cannot have the trust and comfort you need for good therapy. Also, depending on the issue, some people really need medication and it works for them. Everyone's chemistry is different and, sadly, for some people nothing seems to work. Also, the diagnosis must be correct for the medication to work. My situation calls for medication and fortunately I have someone who is a great therapist and my medication probably saved my life.


Additionally, at least the way I practice, how many people have anyone with whom they can sit for an hour with the attention, compassion and a nonjudgmental person totally focussed on them. The healing does come from inside and the therapist is a person on the journey with them who helps unravel the issues restricting their lives.
 
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WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #27  January 7,2009, 7:02am
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FruitaBu has a great point in that the right councilor is important. Also, you have to have the right attitude towards it. Much like schoolwork, you get out of it what you put into it. At first I had neither. I had no idea what to look for in a councilor, nor what to get out of it in concrete terms. I persisted on faith (so unlike me...) and it took me 4 years and many councilors to find the one that works for me. With the benefit of 20:20 hindsight, I'm a hugely much better person because of it. Dont give up.
 
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dtg_diz is offline dtg_diz Post #28  January 7,2009, 11:09am
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My "therapist" fell asleep on me. Several times. Not helpful!
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #29  January 7,2009, 12:30pm
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dtg_diz,418751 wrote :

My "therapist" fell asleep on me. Several times. Not helpful!
Hmmmmm....on the other hand it gives you a golden opportunity to test those "permanent" markers.
 
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BlackberryAddict is offline BlackberryAddict Post #30  January 7,2009, 12:42pm
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pageturnerr, wrote :

{snipped}
So, for those of you who have gotten counselling and recieved results, is this something you could have done yourself, or was counselling the only answer for you?
Here's my experience with it, do with it what you will: went once to a guy my family physician recommended (I was under a lot of stress, more than I could handle and I was one whonormally strived on stress!), who in one session told me that I didn't need therapy, Ineeded to get a divorce ASAP. Since I am a faithful pinhead with a mindset of 'once married you STAY married' (sound weird coming from someone married numerous times?) I thought the guy was not knowledgeable. Fast forward several years.


After several years of the ex harrassing me in every way he could think up after the divorce, I went to a counselor (different one but also highly recommended). I was having some very ummm crazy-mean thoughts and felt I needed help or the thougts could turn to actions.
In one session the therapist told me what everyone else had too (but it's hard to listen to those closest to you) that I didn't need therapy, I just needed to get some of the horrible things off my chest that he had done that I couldn't bring myself to tell friends. What Iwas feeling was normal and that it's ok to be angry, especially when someone is purposely trying to harm you and your child. So...

#1 - ask your family physician and others in the community 'with experience' (that means doesn't ask your plumber or your UPS man) who they recommend.


#2 - Be VERY careful of any who give you pills immediately! (Loooong story of horror of someone I know!) If you do end up on meds, PLEASE do not make any life changing decisions until you know they are not affecting your moods in a bad way and be aware of mood changes, good or bad.


#3 - And not related to Drs and meds. Do something nice for yourself everyday, and tell yourself something good about yourself every day.


#4 - set goals to get to a happier place in your life, whether that's working toward a new career or moreknowledge or finding a new partner (wanna take dance classes with me? Ima chicken!) or losing weight or toning up or finding a more suitable place to live or get a pet or make new friendsand so on.


#5 - work toward those goals :-) Do something every day (or every week, whateverthe plan is)to get you closer to your goal


#6 - Last but truly not least, surround yourself with caring people who will helpyou when you stumble.
 
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