The Case for Separate Finances

The Case for Separate Finances

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The Case for Separate Finances


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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  March 20,2008, 4:05pm

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Studies reveal that couples fight about money more than everything else. Avoiding the hassle of it all can be as easy as keeping your money away from each other. Trust us, it’s possible.
 
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NancyG is offline NancyG Post #2  March 20,2008, 4:05pm
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Separating the finances was a crucial step in alleviating the stress in my marriage. I highly recommend it.



Once we did that, we could see the other issues that needed to be addressed, and which had been overshadowed by the money. It also became clear that, contrary to what we had thought, we were individually capable of supporting ourselves. It made the separation and divorce process much calmer and simpler.
 
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SkyHawk is offline SkyHawk Post #3  March 20,2008, 5:04pm
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I like the idea of three accounts: His, Hers, and Household. Whatever is leftover after the household expenses are met gets equally divided into two individual accounts. What someone spends out of their individual account is for them to decide. That way, luxury items like golf clubs, collectible figurines, or whatever is no longer fodder for arguments. Expenses predating the marriage (loans, child support, credit card debt, etc.) can come out of the individual account, unless the other person is willing to absorb it into the household. The couple can get both the benefit of uniting in mutual support and the benefit of independence.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #4  March 20,2008, 6:36pm
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I agree with the article to the extent that each couple should do what works best for their own situations. Hopefully there's agreement as to how to handle things from both sides, otherwise there is a crossroads to get past before they even got to figuring out the crossroads! lol

I was married young and at that time made significantly more money than my soon-to-be. I was all about the "what's mine is OURS" mentality. It took me several years into the marriage and into becoming a sahm to realize that I was the ONLY one with that mentality.His was "what's mine is mine. and what's yours is.... MINE also!"

Reason #1 as to why he is "The Ex"

That being said, at this point I wouldn't go that route ever again. I would either do the completely separate and each pay same share, OR each separate, each paying same share, but alsowith a little bit of mutual 'togetherness'. Final answer would mostly depend on the person I was with and how we each felt about that kind of thing as being the best option for us as individuals and as a couple.

 
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Sarah is offline Sarah Post #5  March 21,2008, 10:52am
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SkyHawk,72395 wrote :
I like the idea of three accounts: His, Hers, and Household. Whatever is leftover after the household expenses are met gets equally divided into two individual accounts. What someone spends out of their individual account is for them to decide. That way, luxury items like golf clubs, collectible figurines, or whatever is no longer fodder for arguments. Expenses predating the marriage (loans, child support, credit card debt, etc.) can come out of the individual account, unless the other person is willing to absorb it into the household. The couple can get both the benefit of uniting in mutual support and the benefit of independence.
I like that idea too. His, hers, household and in household we both contribute an amount that we agree upon from our separate accounts.
 
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movingalong is offline movingalong Post #6  March 23,2008, 9:12am
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My parents always had separate money. I used to think that was odd, since they both made so little to start with and seemed to have a very solid marraige. When I got married in my late twenties, we mingled funds and had a joint account. We are now divorced. I've learned that my mother and father did the the right way (they are still married!).
 
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marthak is offline marthak Post #7  March 24,2008, 8:01am
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Separate finances also works well for mature couples. My Mom and step-dad have that arrangement mostly to avoid the confusion and ill-will that could result between step-siblings if their assets were mingled.

Sincemany of the men I now date have assets built during a previous marriage along with grown children, and/or they have now inherited family homeplaces or other cherrished legacies, I will likely follow the example my parents set should one of those relationships progress to marriage.

There are plenty of ways for couples to look out for the interests of the other that don't leavebehind a trail of bad feelings and broken hearts.
 
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OceanBreeze is offline OceanBreeze Post #8  March 26,2008, 6:15am
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I like the idea of three accounts - We are recently married and was "supposed" to have the "money" talk and a set plan before we moved in together. We never got around to it and now every time I bring it up - it gets put off. I am starting to feel a little resentment as to the fact that I own my own home and am debt free - my partner on the other hand has a couple of payments for previous loans and child support payments, as well as the need to take both children on separate spring break vacations. So I guess my point is - no matter how great the mate - ALWAYS, ALWAYS discuss and have a money plan BEFORE the I Do's.
 
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smooth_operator513 is offline smooth_operator513 Post #9  March 26,2008, 8:12am
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I TOTALLY agree with having seperate accounts. When I first became married I knew my soon to be spouse had credit card issues so out of kindness I paid them off one month after we were married. By the way I kept a receipt. Next, I took ALL of her credit cards and gave her only one to use and I explained in order to use this card successfully that she would have to pay it off at the end of the month.

I encouraged her to attend credit card seminars with Dave Ramsey and others to help her understand that DEBT is killing peoples dreams and to get some practicle knowledge of how credit card companies steal from us. I thought we were doing a pretty good job until I realized that she was still going to stores shopping just by showing her drivers liscense and still able to charge items.

I was floored when my attorney explained that I am still on the hook for helping to pay these credit card bills. Divorce always HURTS the SAVER!!!!!!!! The laws need to be changed to help us become more responsible.
 
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Patty74 is offline Patty74 Post #10  March 26,2008, 8:53am
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I think I've come to the conclusion that4 Accounts [1 Joint Checking-bills, 1 Joint Savings, 2 Individual Checking Accounts] wouldbest. My spin on it would be that we would figure an average needed on a monthly basis for bills, medical expenses, etc. for the family & divide that amount appropriately between us [if one of us makes more money] & have each person directly deposit that amount in the account each month. Then, have a set amount deposited into a joint Savings account. Then, the remaining money goes into separate checking accounts.
 
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