User78055 is offline User78055 Post #1  March 13,2008, 1:37pm
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This one really bothers me. I am 39 and childless. I want to be a mother to a child I have given birth to, or to one my husband (when I get one, hee hee) and I have adopted. I get TONS of matches where by this age they have one or several kids. And I see this in their profile about 90% of the time. Now, what does "maybe" really mean? [img]images/smiles/5.gif[/img]

a. MAYBE if you're really hot we can have a baby

b. MAYBE but not really

c. MAYBE because I accidentally have kids with all the women I meet

or d. MAYBE I'll just date you until the sex part and then bail on the kid part

Choose one or feel free to add your own! I always felt like, either you do, or you don't want a kid. But I probably wouldn't be that fired up to have one if I already had one. Thoughts? Comments? Offers?? kidding!
 
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karenhof is offline karenhof Post #2  March 15,2008, 4:37pm
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I have to agree with you..... what does 'Maybe' mean? I tend to fight the urge to close out matches right away when they say they "Maybe" want kids... I'd love to hear from some of the men out there what their interpretation of 'Maybe' means.....
 
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NancyG is offline NancyG Post #3  March 16,2008, 4:13am
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I think it may mean that they are open to the possibility, but that they feel children are not an absolute necessity. They don't want to automatically chase off a match who doesn't want kids or one who does. Either would be fine with them.
 
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EverythingsEventual is offline EverythingsEventual Post #4  March 16,2008, 11:33pm
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Maybe means exactly that - maybe. Maybe because... It depends on the person I meet and whether I feel as a unit we could provide the adequate time, money and whatever else it takes to establish a healthy environment for a child. Maybe because...we both like to travel and it's not realistic to have children and also travel the world unless you were born into a certain kind of lifestyle. Maybe because...I'm a hard worker and keep steady decent jobs but I'll never be a primary bread winner that could support a child and wife who has to stay home to take care of the baby. I have no problem being the one to stay at home but oh maybe she's not ok with that. My outlook is, if I met someone and it was important to her than I would be ok with having 1 or 2 children. I think it would give me a better perspective on the world and most say that children are a blessing you don't truly understand until you have your own. However if I never have children I am completely ok with that. This is a crazy world and it only seems to getting more complicated - I'm ok with not subjecting a child to it. Give most maybe's the benefit of the doubt. In reading random posts it seems to be the case that it's not a ploy to attract someone - we just truly don't mind either way.
 
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pamy is offline pamy Post #5  March 17,2008, 10:39am
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User78055, wrote :

This one really bothers me. I am 39 and childless. I want to be a mother to a child I have given birth to, or to one my husband (when I get one, hee hee) and I have adopted. I get TONS of matches where by this age they have one or several kids. And I see this in their profile about 90% of the time. Now, what does "maybe" really mean? [img]images/smiles/5.gif[/img]

a. MAYBE if you're really hot we can have a baby

b. MAYBE but not really

c. MAYBE because I accidentally have kids with all the women I meet

or d. MAYBE I'll just date you until the sex part and then bail on the kid part

Choose one or feel free to add your own! I always felt like, either you do, or you don't want a kid. But I probably wouldn't be that fired up to have one if I already had one. Thoughts? Comments? [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif[/img]Offers?? kidding!
hi





[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif[/img]
 
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chad764 is offline chad764 Post #6  March 17,2008, 11:07am
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Answer: Part a, but more this: I want kids with you IF you and I have a deep compatability and we are a definite match. If the pairing is all about (more) kids, then no. If the pairing is first and foremost about US--in that we are matched whether or not we want kids--then I'm open to having kids with you.

That pretty much sums it up.
 
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User78055 is offline User78055 Post #7  March 18,2008, 6:25pm
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Well, it's not all about having kids, of course! If I just wanted kids I could accomplish that pretty easily! Maybe. lol

Just wondered what it meant when they said that. Thanks for the feedback.
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #8  March 19,2008, 7:46am
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I too also have stuggled with the 'maybe' comment. I would want to know that the person I marry knew in his heart he wanted to have children and raise a family together...not maybe. But reading from male POV here, I do think there's some valid points to consider.

A funny story...I once asked a guy in person on a first date what he meant by 'maybe'. He looked at me, his eyes welling up [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cry.gif[/img]and said to me tearfully, "I'd to almost anything in the world to have a little girl."

I never saw him again. Creeped me out! But at least I have a funny first date story and that wasn't the only time he cried on me that evening.[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif[/img]
 
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wolfe310 is offline wolfe310 Post #9  March 20,2008, 3:55pm
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I can appreciate your view point and I hear your frustration. Still, here's something else to ponder: What if "maybe" just means that for whatever reason, I can't have my own but, if you already have some I am open to being part of their lives? Or what about I am willing to adopt? Or what if it really means that with the right person, I would consider having children? It seems that raising children is a committment most people spend less time thinking about than they do in finding a life partner. Marriages break up all the time but, kids are forever. After all once you have them, you have them, you can't send them back. Better to be circumspect on that issue until you're at the Open Communication stage. As a teacher, I see too many kids coming into my classroom each year who have been messed up by the adults around them. It's a sad situation indeed. I wonder If perhaps "maybe" is going to be the most honest answer you're likely to get. Having children is a big decision to be sure.
 
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OnwardThroughtheFog is offline OnwardThroughtheFog Post #10  March 21,2008, 7:52pm
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I have Yes to the wanting kids part, and i would say 2/3 of the women i get as matches have maybe as theirs. i understand that most of the ones i am matched to have kids already. Still, if you are really right for each other, and you get married, Does maybe mean I’ll have kids if you want to but i wont if you don’t? I get the impression when people say that they are trying to get the most possible matches, instead of having a firm opinion. I am sure some are like you listed above and actually not sure if they do want kids. For me it means a lack of commitment or on a more positive note a willingness to be flexible depending on the person they meet. I am more hesitant to answer someone with maybe then someone otherwise. I feel that if one is in their 30's and does not know yet, they should be able to figure this out.
 
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