You have an appearance requirement, but can’t tell from photo


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #1  November 18,2008, 5:48pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 31,613

See profile

Say you have criteria: weight, height, teeth, hair, pimples, tattoos, etc, for which you will reject someone, but his / her photo(s) are insufficiently clear to determine if he / she meets your criteria.
What do you do? I have the belief that asking point-blank would get me rejected for being too vain.
However, if I was the one being judged, I would rather have the direct question, and I would answer it honestly. If I’m going to get rejected anyway, I’d rather it happen before making an investment in the person.
 
  Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #2  November 18,2008, 5:51pm
Oregon_Coast_…'s Avatar

We're one of a kind, like dip di-dip di-dip, doo-bop a doo-bee doo

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

OR

Posts: 2,402

See profile



When in doubt, close them out.
 
  Reply With Quote
lizard47 is offline lizard47 Post #3  November 18,2008, 7:29pm
lizard47's Avatar

who you surround yourself with tells what you really believe

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2008

Midwest

Posts: 1,630

See profile

D_Lion, wrote :
Say you have criteria: weight, height, teeth, hair, pimples, tattoos, etc, for which you will reject someone, but his / her photo(s) are insufficiently clear to determine if he / she meets your criteria.
What do you do? I have the belief that asking point-blank would get me rejected for being too vain.
However, if I was the one being judged, I would rather have the direct question, and I would answer it honestly. If I’m going to get rejected anyway, I’d rather it happen before making an investment in the person.
Ok, inquiring mind wants to knowwhat you are looking for that you cannot tell by the picture? Whether she has big b o o b s or not?


Just wondering
 
  Reply With Quote
Vaire1967 is offline Vaire1967 Post #4  November 18,2008, 7:52pm
Vaire1967's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 690

See profile



i don't know why you can't just ask if there are more photos that a person has to share? It's an innocent enough question, that i would feel free asking myself. This is only a two-dimensional world.
 
  Reply With Quote
lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #5  November 19,2008, 3:01am
lucky173's Avatar

says "I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported"

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2008

NY

Posts: 1,510

See profile



The physical things that would cause me to close someone out are usually visible in photos (very bad skin, missing or really bad teeth) and so I wouldn't usually have to ask directly. Of course, back to the toothy pictures thread - sometimes those things aren't visible! But I've never asked someone "Do you have teeth? I can't tell by your photo"


I have 4 tattoos, 3 of which are relatively small, but could be visible, depending upon what I'm wearing. Not likely to be visible in photos. The one on my wrist is visible in a photo, but not too clear to see that its' a tat.


It came up in OC with one of my matches, and he stated he didn't care for them. He suggested that I make it a point to add it to my profile, because it could save people time from communicating with me. I respect his opinion not liking them, however I didn't add it to my about me section.


I guess I never considered that this thing could be that much a deal-breaker. Oh yeah, while I'm at it... I occasionally wear a very very small nosering (stud, not dangly lol) and that's not visible in pictures either, because it is small. Is this something that needs mentioning as well?


It seems a bit silly (surface?) to add this on my profile, but maybe I'm wrong. If I read something similiar in a guys profile "I have tats" or "I occasionally wear an earring" or something of the sort I would automatically think that he had nothing better to tell about himself.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  November 19,2008, 2:12pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 31,613

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy,350208 wrote :

When in doubt, close them out.
You’d take this approach, even if you get a small number of matches, and “when in doubt” applied to most of those?
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  November 19,2008, 2:23pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 31,613

See profile

lizard47,350251 wrote :

D_Lion, wrote :



Ok, inquiring mind wants to knowwhat you are looking for that you cannot tell by the picture? Whether she has big b o o b s or not?


Just wondering
I came up with the question in CP30’s thread about teeth; I asked there, but it seemed to be taking her thread off-topic, and I thought it would be a useful stand-alone subject.
I want to address the issue of having an appearance requirement, and how / when / if people communicate their requirement – or whether they don’t (to avoid getting closed for seeming vain.)
I hope to get some responses on how people would take being on the receiving end of the direct question.
 
  Reply With Quote
salemsmom is offline salemsmom Post #8  November 19,2008, 2:24pm

Loves to drive!

Pacesetter

Joined: Jan 2008

Cocoa Beach

Posts: 273

See profile



if it is that important to you, ask... If they are insulted by your question, then you wouldn't make a good match given how you feel about whatever it is...
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  November 19,2008, 2:47pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 31,613

See profile



lucky173,350404 wrote :


The physical things that would cause me to close someone out are usually visible in photos (very bad skin, missing or really bad teeth) and so I wouldn't usually have to ask directly. Of course, back to the toothy pictures thread - sometimes those things aren't visible! But I've never asked someone "Do you have teeth? I can't tell by your photo"


I have 4 tattoos, 3 of which are relatively small, but could be visible, depending upon what I'm wearing. Not likely to be visible in photos. The one on my wrist is visible in a photo, but not too clear to see that its' a tat.


It came up in OC with one of my matches, and he stated he didn't care for them. He suggested that I make it a point to add it to my profile, because it could save people time from communicating with me. I respect his opinion not liking them, however I didn't add it to my about me section.


I guess I never considered that this thing could be that much a deal-breaker. Oh yeah, while I'm at it... I occasionally wear a very very small nosering (stud, not dangly lol) and that's not visible in pictures either, because it is small. Is this something that needs mentioning as well?


It seems a bit silly (surface?) to add this on my profile, but maybe I'm wrong. If I read something similiar in a guys profile "I have tats" or "I occasionally wear an earring" or something of the sort I would automatically think that he had nothing better to tell about himself.

You have a couple of interesting points. Jewelry in unusual places is another good example, which I didn’t think of when I wrote the question. There were threads on tattoos and piercings recently; I didn’t wade through the invective and pontificating to determine if a consensus existed, but there was a lot of heated opinion.
Regarding listing such things in your profile, or finding them in the man’s profile, you wrote “I would automatically think that he had nothing better to tell about himself.” I have a different take on this: I see this as he doesn’t want to (pay to) go on a date, only to hear the women say (after the meal) “I don’t date men with tattoos." My point is, I’d rather know this sort of requirement up front, yet at the same time I have a concern about how to communicate it.
This is getting to my question, though: when the issue of your tattoos came up, how / why was the question raised?
 
  Reply With Quote
Squire is offline Squire Post #10  November 19,2008, 4:09pm
Squire's Avatar

is "wookin' pa nub in aww da wong pwaces, wookin' pa nub..."

Pacesetter

Joined: May 2008

Chicago area

Posts: 496

See profile

D_Lion, wrote :
Say you have criteria: weight, height, teeth, hair, pimples, tattoos, etc, for which you will reject someone, but his / her photo(s) are insufficiently clear to determine if he / she meets your criteria.
What do you do? I have the belief that asking point-blank would get me rejected for being too vain.
However, if I was the one being judged, I would rather have the direct question, and I would answer it honestly. If I’m going to get rejected anyway, I’d rather it happen before making an investment in the person.
Hey D_Lion,


I would side with OCG. I've been a member of dating sites for a long time, and I have yet to find a way to ask for more/different pics that doesn't come across as shallow/superficial/insulting.


I mean how can you say, "Gee, I think I might like to get to know you better. But first, can I please see a full-length photo of you from closer than 200ft., without twelve people standing in front of you, wearing something other than a heavily padded ski-suit"? It's like a woman asking to see your credit report to verify your income before meeting you. Simply put, just asking is a lose-lose.


Sure, you'll probably miss a few that would be good matches. But it would be difficult to move forward with them, anyway, after sticking both feet in your mouth.


Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Brains or looks? | About You | One picture that epitomizes where you live... What we don »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“He said he feels we both have a lot going on in our lives that need to get straightened out before we can focus on a relationship. Sorry, but that's just a sugar coated way of him saying he's just ... ” –  tweet37

Join the “The End Maybe Coming” discussion

“Is there an eH site in the Philippines? Are you a citizen / resident or living there? Are you looking to the eHA advice site or the paid eHarmony site to meet someone? The eHarmony site has questions ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Profile Review please 25/F” discussion

“The article is retarded. Everyone knows that looks and money create attraction. At least initial attraction. And if it isn't there, anything after that is a no-go. And if there isn't much to look ... ” –  tweet37

Join the “Do Looks and Money Really Create Attraction?” discussion

“It would be best to be original and reflect who you are. Writing style etc. is one thing, but copying "this sounds good" from other profiles before you fill your own out won't yield much. No one here ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Introducing Myself” discussion

“ Dang you're right I really need some sleep ” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“I hate when the gal pays then expects me to put out, especially on the first date when it's perfectly clear in my profile that I have a two date rule. Sheesh.” –  tweet37

Join the “who pays?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:55am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0