Ladies- would you admit your mistakes?


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PY is offline PY Post #1  November 13,2008, 11:17am

Sometimes...just be a bigger person and take the high road.

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I readCandice217's post in the "I'm confused" thread and I'm glad her story has a happy ending.


My question is that...how many of you ladies, realized if/when you made a mistake, in letting a good guy go...but you actually admit to him about the mistake and trying to work it out?


Any more happy ending stories anybody care to share?
 
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PY is offline PY Post #2  November 13,2008, 1:42pm

Sometimes...just be a bigger person and take the high road.

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Holy moly...31 views and no replies. Should I be resposting this in a form of question?


Sorry I worded it like it'sa bad thing....this goes for both sexes i guess...
 
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nebethet is offline nebethet Post #3  November 13,2008, 1:55pm
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I don't think I read the post that inspired yours but I can tell you that I'm not sure I really know hwo to tell when I've made a mistake in 'letting the good guy go' vs knowing I did the right thing. Anytime I've broken off a relationship I've questioned myself afterwards. I consider it a part of the healing process. For some of them I did feel like I legitimately made a mistake and let them know and I had a few re-tries. I don't however personally believe that a second time around will be an improvement. It never worked for me at least. Whether you're the dumper or dumpee I think if you truely genuinely feel the relationship is over, it's over simply because you decreed it so. For me at least I put serious thought into my reasons for ending a relationship and in the end, those reasons were valid for me. For the times I've had people break up with me, even if I felt they made a grevious error I know that people don't usually break up with someone for no good reason and them breaking up with me ruins it.


So, no happy endings in my book but maybe for others they have better stories to share.
 
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TrixiPooch is offline TrixiPooch Post #4  November 13,2008, 2:44pm
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I don't regret ending any of my LTR's. Anything that resulted in an actual breakup would have been something I was truly committed to, and went the distance on (as opposed to casual dating - when that ends, I don't consider it a "breakup"). So ifI ended a LTR, Iended it for a very good reason.


However, there have been a couple of instances when I've dated a guy once or twice but I simply wasn't emotionally available to them, so it didn't go any further. I think back to those guys sometimes and think, "what if". I looked one up once - 5 years after the fact - hoping he would be available, but he was engaged! Oh well. I think if it's a casual situation that doesn't really get off the ground due to something like bad timing, that's one thing. But relationships that drag on and on - breakup, get back together, breakup, get back together - it's highly unlikely that those types of relationships will end happily.


PY - I don't know what post you're referring to, either. So my reply might not make any sense. But I thought I'd reply anyway.
 
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last12C is offline last12C Post #5  November 13,2008, 4:46pm
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If I make a hasty decision or say something that I regret after a night's sleep I have no problem apologizing for it and making amends. I did that recently, as a matter of fact. Made too much of a red flag that unexpectedly flew up in front of me and caught me by surprise, but then after further contemplation realized that the person wasmore importantthan the red flag and was worth the humble pie that I had to eat. Going day by day now, with the realization that my hasty reaction most likely created a red flag to match his, but with hopes that he will be as patient and fair with me as I am trying to be with him. Some people are worth the extra effort, you know?
 
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PY is offline PY Post #6  November 14,2008, 8:19am

Sometimes...just be a bigger person and take the high road.

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Hello all,


Here's the linkthat I was talking about http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=vie...start=0#338543


Thanks all for your responses (and Trix- yours make sense).
 
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WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #7  November 14,2008, 1:08pm
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I can only speak for my current SO who dumped me once. She wasn't in a good state of mind that night when she did it and I knew her reasoning was faulty, but I took her for her word and hit the road. Took her 4 months with a little introspection, and alot of guts to approach me to reconsider. FWIW, our relationship is much healthier and we are still together.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #8  November 14,2008, 7:35pm
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WaterHound,342823 wrote :

I can only speak for my current SO who dumped me once. She wasn't in a good state of mind that night when she did it and I knew her reasoning was faulty, but I took her for her word and hit the road. Took her 4 months with a little introspection, and alot of guts to approach me to reconsider. FWIW, our relationship is much healthier and we are still together.
Great! Glad for you! Keep getting those 'man'icures, sweetie!
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #9  November 14,2008, 8:24pm
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Yes I do admit mistakes and say I'm sorry. There have been times I've broken things off with people because the situation simply wasn't clear. Sometimes some things said comes across differently than intended on both sides and it escalates from there.


There's always second guessing both before and after making the decision to break things off. For me I'm the type that tries to talk things through or make things work so usually I get dumped rather than being the one to break things off.


Can't say I've had any relationships friendship or romantic go better the second time though (if clearly broken off for more than a day) as usually it seems the reason for the breakup is more than one thing...often many things not said by either you or the other person.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #10  November 15,2008, 4:48am
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As far as any relationship 'mistake', my answer is kind of a yes, kind of a no.


A few years back I came to the decision to end a relationship with a guy because I just didn't feel he was quite ready for where we were heading. It wasn't easy for either of us, but it was what it was. About a year or so later, he called to see me. Condensed version of the 2+ hour conversation - He had been seeing someone new (I wasn't) and he asked me for one more chance, telling me that if I was willing, he would end it with her and we could see what could be between us.


I didn't give myself time to think about it, and right then and there told him no, I couldn't try it again. It was fear based, I wasn't willing to find out that he still wasn't really ready.


We parted ways, I went on to meet someone new, 3+ yr relationship which ended last year. The 1st ex contacted me this past summer, needed to see me.


Condensed version - he married the woman he had been seeing when we last spoke. She was his 2nd choice, and (yikes!) she knows it. They had a baby on the way. He loved her, but was not in love with her, regretted marrying her because he felt he did so "for the wrong reasons". Let me know that it was me he was still in love with, and thought it was me that he should be married to and spending his life with now.


I did have an instant of regret for not thinking out my previous decision to not try again with him. And yes, I've occasionally wondered a "what if" had I chosen differently.But to say I regret it, is a little too much.It is what it is, and it went how it was supposed to have gone.


For the record, so I don't get bashed - he did speak to his wife about it, she knew he was coming to meet me, she knows how he feels about it. She's not happy, obviously.But, she's not heartbroken either, they both know theirown deal. After hearing him out, I did tell him in no uncertain terms that while I appreciated (in a weird way) him talking to me about it, that because of his circumstance, we wouldn't have any further contact or communication, I don't think that's right or fair to anyone, especially his wife. I also told him that I did not feel the same way, and hadn't ever given it any more thought in the past few years. Figured it's best for him to not know that any of the same wonderings were mutual.


So, he's still in the past, and that's where he'll stay.
 
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