Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

About You Your healthy mind, body, and spirit play a vital role in all the important relationships of your life. Share your advice and insights here.

Reply
Page 16 of 16 « First 6 14 15 16
 
LinkBack (1) Thread Tools
FrauDragon FrauDragon is offline
FrauDragon's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 6

See profile

bluskies4ever wrote :
Well, I'm a woman, but I will give you my opinion. He is a flake, inconsiderate, lies, and is very passive-aggressive. He is angry at women and is "acting out" his hostility toward women by his pattern of making dates with you and then faking you out. He is somehow gratified by letting you down.


A man would probably say the cliche, he's just not that into you. Now you have to be just not that into him, and find a man who will not fake and flake. I'm no beauty queen, and am not very assertive, but men have not played me to that extent. I'm not saying he's evil, but he is passive-aggressive. Maybe he hates his mommy or his ex. Who knows.


He's lucky you were still interested after he was laid off. A lot of women wouldn't stick around. Also, he was at least partially open with you that he gets depressed when he is not working and around the holidays, that's kind of a double whammy. He might be in a funk; it happens a lot with single and divorced people. We can be very moody.


His inconsideration is unacceptable and it is a pattern with him. Patterns are significant, because they indicate underlying issues and neuroses. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to play with his feelings like that, so he in kind should not do that with you.


He sounds depressed, "messed up" usually is code for depression. And men may be correct in their hunch that he is ambivalent about you or about dating in general.
Now...if the roles were reversed in the original story (the poster were a man and the flake were a woman), then I'd say that this response might hold some water. But many women fall into the trap of interpreting men through women eyes. Men don't typically manipulate the feelings of others or play catty games in order to satisfy their vengeful woman-hating desires.

It really sounds like this guy was serious when he says he has a hard time handling a loss of a job. Most men do. The way men are wired, occupation has a lot more to do with their sense of self worth. Therefore, they'd feel less adequate of a human being when they lose their job. Falling into a state of depression does NOT mean that a person is "messed up", just that they need help handling their emotional burdens. Making plans and then dropping the ball is a common symptom of depression. So is withdrawing from people, making less contact than usual.

I'm not coming to the conclusion that you should have stayed with him, though. It sounds like he is really not in a place where he can handle a relationship. If this happens to him on a regular basis, he really needs to seek help. Once he learns good coping skills and finds his value in who he is (not in his job), he could make a very good relationship partner.
- June 4th, 2009, 02:08 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#151   Reply With Quote
FrauDragon FrauDragon is offline
FrauDragon's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 6

See profile

pinz wrote :
pinz wrote :
I am back in the dating game after many years of marriage and 4 kids. I have been seeing a man for approx 2 months now. He is wonderful in all aspects of the word but only onMon-Fri. When the weekends come he disappears and I dont hear from him. He has also asked me not to call or text him. He will call me! I am at a point where I feel I need to let him go. I am 42 and I don't feel I need to play these games. I understand space and I dont mind him going fishing etc.. but why would he tell me before he leaves to remember I belong to him but I cant call him. Help.. very confused.
He's married, or is going home to his REAL girlfriend, AND he's using you.


Walk away, he ain't THAT wonderful.
I heartily agree! Something is seriously wrong with this picture! And lets even give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume that he doesn't have a wife or another girl. Best-case scenario, he has HUGE intimacy issues! He's saying, "I want you in my life, but only at arm's length!" Seriously, any normal, caring partner in a relationship would at least give you their contact info and whereabouts! And even if the guy were going on a "guys only" vacation, they would at least give their lady a 5-minute "checking in" phone call once a day to let them know everything's okay!

And he feels he has to remind you that you BELONG to him before he ditches you? Sounds like he also has control issues!

Your dude has serious issues.
Last edited by FrauDragon; June 4th, 2009 at 02:23 am.
- June 4th, 2009, 02:20 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#152   Reply With Quote
Uncle Apple Uncle Apple is offline
Uncle Apple's Avatar

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 257

See profile

I have to disagree a little bit, about item#5 freedom. Some men want more freedom, some want less freedom. But most of us, want committment and cooperation. (What's the difference between food and sex? A lot, but it's too much to, talk about in one sitting.) Some men want to be the one whose in charge, of the relationship, especially when home. We can do fine, having a boss whose a woman, but off work, we need and want to be the one whose in charge. To take that away from us, is degrading and offensive, especially if we're asked to take charge and then asked not to, one way or another. Don't get me wrong, most of us want to give the lady a say, in activities, such as choosing a movie to see, but make the final decisions.

- September 24th, 2009, 10:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#153   Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 16 of 16 « First 6 14 15 16

Bookmarks

« Do you have a lemonade story? | Array | Your Guide to Starting Over »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

LinkBacks (?)
LinkBack to this Thread: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/about-you/11579-what-men-really-want.html
Posted By For Type Date
What Men Really Want - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice This thread Refback May 21st, 2009 05:25 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Why can't you talk to the girl the way you do her sister? What would be wrong with that? I'd definitely be able to talk with her this way....but I just have little opportunity to do so. We did ... ” – jayjay

Join the “Dating and insecurity” discussion

“ How they have removed their phone number from the site.” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “FCW - Interesting Problem” discussion

“Welcome. How does this work? - Well, you get matches and you send out requests for communication or you get requests for communication. If you are interested, you start communicating. You will get ... ” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “I'm New after 22 years of Marriage, Help!!!” discussion

“I received a very nice e-mail at quarter till midnight. Again expressing her interest in another meeting. Do I try calling again this evening or wait until Monday? We are both going to be gone ... ” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “Just got home from first date... I think it went” discussion

“That is the craziest thing I have ever heard of. Ladies I am available to take you out on any night you would like to go out. And rest assured that if we go out on a Friday or Saturday that you are ... ” – stinkerbell

Join the “Is there a difference between weekday and weekend dates?” discussion

“I wouldn't worry about "no flirting" and "not much positive body language" after just 2 dates. Some people are more demonstrative and some are more reserved. You said her eye contact was better on ... ” – Sassafras54

Join the “Third Date” discussion

“Yeah I think your priority was her and to her, her focus is with her kids and school...that being said not many people actually break up with someone they really want to be with to spare them, so I ... ” – indigirl1975

Join the “Lost and hurt” discussion

“I realized after I made my post that I should have said I do not believe enough men could be intimidated by women that it would encompass a significant share of a woman's dating experience. The way ... ” – churumbeque

Join the “where men are financially now” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:00 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0