mcmah131 is offline mcmah131 Post #1  September 23,2008, 6:21pm
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Hi, my name is Mariah and I am facing one of the toughest decisions in my life. I have been in a relationship for a little above a year now and i am completley in love with my boyfriend. There is nothing i love more than to be with him and we have discussed living together and going off to college with eachother. However, he has epilepsy and because he has been having a lot of siezures lately he has become very tired and detached from me. I could immediately sense that something was wrong and i asked him. Now, in the past the same situation has come up and i have discovered that he doesn't like my skin (I get occasional pimples but nothing serious), my boobs (there small) my clothes (he said that they are not feminine enough) so when he said that he didn't like my smile it was a large hit to my already fragile self esteem just as I thought that i was gaining it back. So here i am. I don't know what to do. I know that it would kill me, lirally destroy my life for months, if we break up but i don't know how much i can handle before this destroys me. pleaase i need help. i need someone to tell me what to do
 
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markizfocused is offline markizfocused Post #2  September 25,2008, 7:18pm
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So if you're of the age of discussing going off to college that would make you a senior in high school about 17 or 18. He already has expressed some of his true feelings for you, and they are not positive. If you're 17 or 18 or anything under 20 for that matter. Move on. Cry into a pillow for a while but trust me once you go to college and meet more guys you'll get over it. Senior high-school relationships are like that.


Don't ever stay with someone that doesn't completely love you. This guy doesn't. Don't let loving someone prevent you from making good decisions. Will be one of the most important lessons in your life.
 
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MazarineSunset is offline MazarineSunset Post #3  September 25,2008, 8:33pm

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One of the wonderful things about falling in love, and really loving someone, is that the person you love seems to become more attractive to you as your love grows. They really don't - they are usually the same as ever - you just see them thru the eyes of love - and you see their good features and the bad just seem to fade away.


Which means instead of skin issues, he sees the beautiful colors in your eyes - instead of small breasts, he realizes that they are just the right size for you, instead of frilly things he sees your style as sexy.


Having any kind of illness, permanent or temporary, does NOT givesomeone the right to be cruel. If your self esteem is fragile, and these things hurt - HE KNOWS IT; and he is deliberately hurting you. Why would you want to stay with someone like that?


Nope - dump him and go off to college on your own. Get involved in things YOU like to do, set yourselfup for sucess - do whatever it takes to make you happy with yourself,make friends and you will find the RIGHT person for you will probably fall right into your lap.


At your age - youhave a world of opportunities and choices out there - dump the toad and treat yourself like the princess you are, and your prince will show up in the new few years on his own.
 
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dimension is offline dimension Post #4  September 25,2008, 8:55pm
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When you are in love, you don't see physical beauty. Whether you are dating a super model or the hunchback of Notre Dame.


If he is all of a sudden bringing up all these petty, superficial objections about your appearance, he wants to break up with you, but he's just not man enough to say it to your face.


For whatever reason I don't have enough information to make that judgement, that he doesn't like you, it's your call if you want to find out then dig deeper, if not he has given you enough reasons to at least no longer see him as a boyfriend.


(As an aside, I think if he was nit-picking your character he would still serious about you. The fact that he is picking on your appearance leads me to think otherwise)
 
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mazepa7 is offline mazepa7 Post #5  October 25,2009, 4:04pm
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Hi mcmah131,
I'm an epileptic myself and from what I've understood, it seems as though you could already be thinking a bit too much about a relationship and not enough about school itself. Please, keep in mind that this is coming from another person with epilepsy and not just a parent. If my adivce sounds similar to what your parents may have told then, you are fortunate to have parents like this because they're giving you some good advice! The guy you're talking about may still (probably is) going through some changes in his life and be making some excuses to not become very committed at this point. Men are like that, the serious ones won't make some quick call to get things set in stone until they've thought long and hard about it. On the other hand you will still meet those guys who will say whatever they need to so that a relationship of some sort is formed.

This may sound selfish, but focus more on yourself here for a little while (school, your maturing, friendships, etc.) you need to make sure you grow up here first. If it's meant to be then he will follow along. In any relationship I learned that you need to become good friends first and foremost before anything more serious is to take place. You don't want to rush through any relationship no matter how long you've been dating him. Honestly it doesn't work when you speed through the process. You'll both know when you're ready and if its meant to be. Take your time here, get the best grades possible to get the best job, best looking house, etc. See if he wants to take the same challenge. Epilepsy or not he can do it if he wants, but give yourselves some space here and remember that you've got to become best friends first before anything stronger is to happen in the relationship.

Best of luck to you both,
Epilepsy is only a handicap or disability if you allow it be one or make it one!
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #6  October 25,2009, 5:00pm
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First of all we have to establish that there is nothing wrong with you...so take a long look in a full length mirror and appreciate everything that is present and functioning...so many of us cannot even make that claim and when you think of it that way you can even appreciate the things that you may perceive to be flawed in yourself.

Your boyfriend's behavior sounds so typical of a deeply self-conscious person..he is projecting his insecurities onto you and distancing himself when he insults you in this way. The fact that you were discussing going off to college (where you will meet new people/new experiences ) and his sudden boughts of seizures has really got him feeling insecure. Just because I understand where a person is coming from doesn't mean I excuse the behavior and really that is your judgment call to make. Definitely it sounds like he could use some counseling as these are stressful times for him and he could use some professional support to help him deal with his epilepsy and transition into college life. I would imagine he may also want to see his neurologist to check to see if his medications can be changed to help manage his episodes better. Over time people will have to change medications as their body becomes accustomed to the chemicals after using them so many years.

I agree with the above posters who point out that you are young. This young man has a lot more growing up to do and on top of that having to manage and navigate life with epilepsy. That is a lot to ask of you as you go through your own life experiences and if you are feeling fragile now...can you imagine how you are going to feel when you really are getting stressed over finals, impossible professors and terrible landlords who refuse to provide you with enough heat in winter....etc. Living life with a disability can be very limiting at a point in your life when you have the most freedom. Just some food for thought....I wish you all the best.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #7  October 25,2009, 11:36pm
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he doesn't like ur smile? sheesh what a cad. I understand you are in love sweetie, but there are much nicer guys out there. Put this scorpion down and look for someone a little more worthy of your love.

good luck.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #8  October 26,2009, 10:57am

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Dump the guy fo sho. He sounds immature critizing every single thing about you.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #9  October 26,2009, 1:25pm
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The OP is a ghost. Made the post over a year ago and hasn't been back since.
 
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SoNotRight is offline SoNotRight Post #10  October 26,2009, 1:38pm
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Love isn't about pointing out the other's imperfections but rather embracing them because they make the person who they are.

He doesn't seem to feel this way so he is someone I wouldn't be able to continue being in a relationship with, just my opinion.
 
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