Songryder is offline Songryder Post #1  September 23,2008, 1:29pm
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Disneygrl331, wrote :

So, about a month or so ago I received an icebreaker from one of my matches, and after going through all of the steps, we really had a lot in common. We reached open communication, and it turns out that he's a great guy, but he's overseas until February, then moving to my area to start med school. We've been emailing back and forth constantly for the last two weeks, well as much as he can being in the middle of a war zone, but I'm a little bit afraid of opening up, to see where it goes or even how to go there, based on the current circumstances. It's not like we can meet up right now or anything. What if he doesn't move here? Am I wasting time just talking to someone when it may not pan out? What should I do?
Okay, clearly the guy's busy, but it doesn't mean you can't communicate and form a friendship with him. Keep in mind that being in a war is a pretty scary thing and he's reaching out for some normalcy in the midst of all that chaos. The best thing you can do for him and yourself is to base your relationship on a friendship, not a possible LTR that has a 40/60 chance of happening.


Don't get too emotionally tied to someone who you're just e-mailing . . . you really don't know what's going on over there with him. Be a friend, be a person that supports him as a human being, not a potential BF or LTR. When he gets back to the states, if he wants to hook up with you then, that's fine, but right now, distance and circumstances really are a serious factor. You need to invest your heart in something more tangible then an e-mail and the guys over there are lonely, even with women fighting beside them . . . these women are their buddies. That loneliness can cause a lot of drive to connect with someone from home (the U.S). Be sure your clear about where he's coming from and you won't know that until enough time has passed.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #2  September 23,2008, 1:58pm
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Also -- and I really hate even to mention this, but do make sure that he is who he says he is. There have been a number of scammers on eH claiming to be deployed soldiers (they eventually ask for money after getting the woman hooked). If he is emailing you from his AKO address (theone that ends withus.army.mil or something similar), then that's a good sign.


Beyond that, Songryder has given you great advice. Even if things do not progress to romance, simply corresponding with him is a very meaningful way to support him while he is deployed. There are, of course, concerns that you have to consider with troops returning froma war zone(e.g., risk of PTSD, etc.), so you may want to seek out information now that informs you about what you might expect during that readjustment period after they return (the MilitaryOneSource site is one place to start...).
 
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Ron is offline Ron Post #3  September 23,2008, 4:55pm
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You raise some important "what ifs." Between now and February, alot can change. He may change his mind about going tomed school ormoving to your area. He might meet and fall in love with another woman. You might meet and fall in love with another man. And so on and so forth. Regardless, just because things might not pan out in the future does not mean that you are wasting (or have wasted) your time.Think positively, and at the same time, be realistic. For now, you've made a new friend. He could eventually become a very close friend, and possibly more than that. Hard to know for sure if this guy is such a great guy without having even spoken to him over the phone, having met him in person, etc.For now, don't get ahead of yourself. Be patient, take things one step at a time, and enjoy living in the present.
 
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Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #4  September 23,2008, 5:45pm
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Send him naked pictures. Support the troops!





I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Stop glaring at me =).


Worst case it doesn't work out. How much effort does it take to talk back and forth via E-Mail? Tell him you can't consider a relationship until you've actually met and will be pen pals (so to speak) until later. It'll probably be so nice for him just to able to actually talk to a female he won't get upset! If he does I'd be surprised, anyway.


Stay friends, see if it works out, and if it does, great! If not, well, dating guys in the military can be pretty tough anyway. Heck, I'm in the reserves and guys in my unit have trouble with their girlfriends when they leave for a weekend. Doing something completely safe (or at least pretty safe).


If I were him I'd love to be able to talk to someone about normal civilian life. He's probably in a very, very high stress environment and you give him a chance to forget about that world for a bit. It's up to you how you take it, of course. I just wouldn't put too many expectations on where this relationship is going to go before it even really exists. Let it bloom, so to speak. Up to you.


Best of luck.


Jacquesne
 
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hbgirl66 is offline hbgirl66 Post #5  September 23,2008, 6:59pm
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Jacquesne,269882 wrote :

Send him naked pictures. Support the troops!




Im in, where'sthe camera!!! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]


Seriously though, I am right with the rest. Continue corresponding with him. At the end of the day the worse you will end up with is a friend. IMHO, the best relationships start out as friendships.


I have looked into becoming a "Pen Pal" and I don't think it is that easy to do. If you have a straight line to one of our Soldiers over there please continue to support him in any way you can. I don't know from experience, but I am sure it can get pretty lonely and frightening over there at times.
 
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wiser4Him is offline wiser4Him Post #6  September 23,2008, 10:32pm
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Disneygrl331, wrote :

So, about a month or so ago I received an icebreaker from one of my matches, and after going through all of the steps, we really had a lot in common. We reached open communication, and it turns out that he's a great guy, but he's overseas until February, then moving to my area to start med school. We've been emailing back and forth constantly for the last two weeks, well as much as he can being in the middle of a war zone, but I'm a little bit afraid of opening up, to see where it goes or even how to go there, based on the current circumstances. It's not like we can meet up right now or anything. What if he doesn't move here? Am I wasting time just talking to someone when it may not pan out? What should I do?
Hi Disneygrl331, I hate to rain on this party because I actually agree with what everybody else said... save the part about naked pics[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-embarassed.gif[/img]


HOWEVER... I would say be cautious on this 'GREAT guy who is on foreign soil and soon to be relocating to YOUR very location'


Been there done that, was a hoax with what I believed to be an absolutely awesome guy... who is not even real


Talk on webcam. Check his IP address to verify it is coming from Iraq and not say, Nigeria or Ghana or the UK. Make sure he is real before you get your heart invested! Whatever you do... if eHarmony sends you a termination notice... do not accept ANY explanation, close it. Scammers do NOT all sound illiterate. They have become VERY sophisticated.


You can see my post in Internet Dating Scams.


He proves real? and still awesome? Congratulations and have fun!





I hope he is real! Be safe!





wiser4Him
 
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NoClue is offline NoClue Post #7  September 24,2008, 3:15am
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I replied to your other post, which is basically the same as this one, so please visit there for more details on my ownsimilar story. Butto summarize...talk to him if you see something about him you like, just please don't let yourself get emotionally involved because I know from experience that these guys are under terrible stress and may not actually ever follow through on remaining in touch when they return. You may have found someone only reaching out for a little affection from home and nothing more. Who could blamehim? I'd feel the same way too. So just remember,he's not in a position to worry about how all of this may affect YOU, he can only really worry about keeping himself going right now and may very well no longer find himself interested in a relationship once he returns to his real life in February.
 
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marthak is offline marthak Post #8  September 24,2008, 4:19am
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Does this guy have a single senior NCO or officer around for me? I have been in a similar situation before with a non eH guy. Relax, take your time getting to know him and definately talk buy webcam when you can, if that's possible on his end, that will give you a hintor two if he's talking just to you or youand a few others. It will also clarify quickly if the guy is for real or a scammer since you will see him in uniform.


The long distance communication is a great way to start building a relationship and getting to know someone. Just be careful to stay in the friends only mode until you get the chance to meet in person.


I would love to be in your shoes!
 
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Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #9  September 24,2008, 7:27pm
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Hey, I can't avoid trying to help my brothers out =). "Save water, shower with a Marine." [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]


I'm glad you found out he's for real. There's few things that make me more angry than someone faking military service. Being in the military is a source of great pride for those that are part of it and to see someone use that in order to use other people is insulting to those who have given up so much for their freedom. At the risk of sounding cliche' I do mean that completely.


Speaking of which, you never mentioned which branch he's in. If he's in the Navy or Marines I'm pretty sure I know why he's around the DC area; Quantico is a large Navy/Marine/FBI base. I'm not very familier with the Army bases in the area, I'd have to ask a friend of mine (He's a lieutenant in the Army National Guard) and I'd assume the Air Force would use similar facilities as the Army. Just curious.


Some of the best people I've ever met are in the service. Even if you don't start a relationship with this guy the statement of "No better friend, no worse enemy" is really a truth about the U.S. military. Plus you get to meet all his 'hot' friends =).


Take care, and keep us updated. Let him know people back home support him.


Jacquesne
 
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Buckeye_Gal is offline Buckeye_Gal Post #10  September 24,2008, 8:26pm
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Disneygrl331,270921 wrote :

Including some really HOT MEN IN UNIFORMpics from graduation at West Point. (Ladies, I think we need to take a fieldtrip! LOL)
Yes, YES, and OMG YES!!!! I don't even know you and I'm ready to take that field trip. Men in uniform are teh hawtness!!! It's not just the uniform (although that is uber yummy), it's what it stands for....the discipline, character, leadership. mmhmm [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-tongue-out.gif[/img]
 
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