ManekiNeko is offline ManekiNeko Post #1  September 20,2008, 1:30am
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wanted to leave peacefully but the EhA mods deleted his final post

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I have heard repeatedly on these boards that the thing to do is "get a better attitude", "Increase your confidence", "Develop self-esteem", "start liking yourself". I know I'm in dire need of it. I took a self-esteem test on another site that quantified the result on a 100-point scale. I'm not comfortable giving out my result.



Alright. That said, here's the thing -- How do you GET a better attitude? It's not like you can go down to the local Radio Shack and find it between the radios and plasma screen TV's. So what I want to know, and I especially would like to know from people who had catastrophically low self-esteem: What are effective methods for increasing self-esteem and what not?


Is it even possible? I've even had people openly tell me that confidence was like coal. It literally can be expended, but once it's gone, that's it and there's no way to get it back.


Note: by Confidence Boosters, I'm not referring to the size of... ahem, yeah... That's not an issue, and I don't need Viagra or anything. I'm talking about the things that people say will make life so much easier in the romantic field. Hey, if these things work, I'll try it.
 
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trueblueyes is offline trueblueyes Post #2  September 20,2008, 7:17am
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A few things that have helped me.


Exercise - faithfully. When you start to see changes in your body you start to feel more confident and think that there are things you can do.


Watch who you spend time with. People that are positive and give encouragement, that see you in a good light and challenge you in a constructive way. If you hang around with people that are negative about other people (doesn't have to be you) then that rubs off.


Do something every day for someone else - maybe a charity that you feel strongly about.


Smile more and more every day. I seem to remember that there have been studies done about how it affects YOU when you smile, not to mention how it affects others.


Pretend you are already there. Act confident even if you aren't! Good Luck!


Laugh as much as possible. Releases endorphins that I think make confidence more attainable.


These may not work for anyone else but they have helped me.
 
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trueblueyes is offline trueblueyes Post #3  September 20,2008, 7:18am
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trueblueyes,265366 wrote :

A few things that have helped me.


Exercise - faithfully. When you start to see changes in your body you start to feel more confident and think that there are things you can do.


Watch who you spend time with. People that are positive and give encouragement, that see you in a good light and challenge you in a constructive way. If you hang around with people that are negative about other people (doesn't have to be you) then that rubs off.


Do something every day for someone else - maybe a charity that you feel strongly about.


Smile more and more every day. I seem to remember that there have been studies done about how it affects YOU when you smile, not to mention how it affects others.


Pretend you are already there. Act confident even if you aren't! Good Luck!


Laugh as much as possible. Releases endorphins that I think make confidence more attainable.


These may not work for anyone else but they have helped me.













Sorry meant to put Good Luck at the end.
 
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Kestral is offline Kestral Post #4  September 20,2008, 8:28am
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Yup, exercise is a great place to start, it improves your capacity to relax. Doing something for othersisalso a good idea, but the place to start in my view is with you.


If you're in school, then engage in any of the after school activities that exist. If you're not in school the options are just more diverse, and can include taking a class or two in something that you've always been interested in. Read more books about things you would like to know more about.


Anything from your past that you liked but haven't done in a long time, could be a start. But most importantly, go out and do something/anything to get involved with. This also gives you something to talk about when you're feeling shy and don't know what to say.


Asking questions like this means you're already starting to develop a plan.


Good Luck, and keep at it.
 
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Kestral is offline Kestral Post #5  September 20,2008, 8:33am
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Confidence is not like coal, as long as you're alive you keep facing challenges, and win or lose you grow.


Remember the "18,40,65" rule, at 18years oldyou worry about what other people say and think about you, at 40yrs you don't give a dam what they think, at 65yrs you realise they're not thinking about you at all.


[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img]
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #6  September 20,2008, 10:59am

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Putting yourself into social situations more and more will definitely also increase your self-confidence. This may sound strange if you're having self-confidence issues in the dating arena, but by going out and doing it more, you'll eventually feel much better about yourself and how you deal with these situations. I guess it's just a "practice makes perfect" thing. If you haven't tried a dating website yet, I'd thoroughly advise going for it. Yes, it'll be tough at first, but I promise that the more you make use of it, the better you'll feel - even if you only get yourself on a bunch of "first meets" with members of the opposite sex over a few months. Or you could even try doing something like a speed-dating evening.


Often the only way to deal with a problem like this is just to take yourself out of your typical comfort zone to force you to deal with it to a degree.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #7  September 20,2008, 2:07pm
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Confidence comes from doing the things you fear over and over until you improve at them. My daughter is playing volleyball for the first time this year and with every game under her belt she looks less timid and "goes for it" more. It is simply from practice and practice and practice. We all feel a lack of confidence when we are learning to do something difficult for us. Force yourself to do it anyway.
 
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angelpoet is offline angelpoet Post #8  September 20,2008, 4:39pm
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trueblueyes,265366 wrote :

A few things that have helped me.


Exercise - faithfully. When you start to see changes in your body you start to feel more confident and think that there are things you can do.


Watch who you spend time with. People that are positive and give encouragement, that see you in a good light and challenge you in a constructive way. If you hang around with people that are negative about other people (doesn't have to be you) then that rubs off.


Do something every day for someone else - maybe a charity that you feel strongly about.


Smile more and more every day. I seem to remember that there have been studies done about how it affects YOU when you smile, not to mention how it affects others.


Pretend you are already there. Act confident even if you aren't! Good Luck!


Laugh as much as possible. Releases endorphins that I think make confidence more attainable.


These may not work for anyone else but they have helped me.













excellent! excellent! excellent![img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-frown.gif[/img][img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-undecided.gif[/img][img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-embarassed.gif[/img][img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img][img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-sealed.gif[/img]baby steps.....
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #9  September 20,2008, 6:29pm
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Kestral,265409 wrote :

Yup, exercise is a great place to start, it improves your capacity to relax. Doing something for othersisalso a good idea, but the place to start in my view is with you.


If you're in school, then engage in any of the after school activities that exist. If you're not in school the options are just more diverse, and can include taking a class or two in something that you've always been interested in. Read more books about things you would like to know more about.


Anything from your past that you liked but haven't done in a long time, could be a start. But most importantly, go out and do something/anything to get involved with. This also gives you something to talk about when you're feeling shy and don't know what to say.


Asking questions like this means you're already starting to develop a plan.


Good Luck, and keep at it.
I agree . . . exercise is a huge confidence builder. There's nothing like a brisk walk for about 45 minutes a day and/or stretching/weights, etc. to get the heart pumping and the circulation going. Gets all those endorphins moving around that give that extra sense of well being. Best thing ever. You want a better complexion, wanna look10 yearsyounger, stronger, healthier. . . get your body moving and breathe in the oxygen!


Surround yourself with people who love you and support your passions, whatever they are. Get rid of the "You'll never finish it", "What makes you think you're so special?" people. They belong under the rocks they crawled out from.


Grow something . . . flowers, vegetables, indoor plants, whatever.


At least once or twice a week, call your mom and let her know you're doing great . . . there isn't a parent on this planet that doesn't want to know their kids are happy.


Have lunch with your best guy/gal pal and gossip about movie stars and the woman next door whose seeing the gardner. Intrigue gets the circulation going


Tell someone you love them on a regular basis and watch how they light up. That's worth the price of admission in any world.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #10  September 20,2008, 6:29pm
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Kestral,265409 wrote :

Yup, exercise is a great place to start, it improves your capacity to relax. Doing something for othersisalso a good idea, but the place to start in my view is with you.


If you're in school, then engage in any of the after school activities that exist. If you're not in school the options are just more diverse, and can include taking a class or two in something that you've always been interested in. Read more books about things you would like to know more about.


Anything from your past that you liked but haven't done in a long time, could be a start. But most importantly, go out and do something/anything to get involved with. This also gives you something to talk about when you're feeling shy and don't know what to say.


Asking questions like this means you're already starting to develop a plan.


Good Luck, and keep at it.
I agree . . . exercise is a huge confidence builder. There's nothing like a brisk walk for about 45 minutes a day and/or stretching/weights, etc. to get the heart pumping and the circulation going. Gets all those endorphins moving around that give that extra sense of well being. Best thing ever. You want a better complexion, wanna look10 yearsyounger, stronger, healthier. . . get your body moving and breathe in the oxygen!


Surround yourself with people who love you and support your passions, whatever they are. Get rid of the "You'll never finish it", "What makes you think you're so special?" people. They belong under the rocks they crawled out from.


Grow something . . . flowers, vegetables, indoor plants, whatever.


At least once or twice a week, call your mom and let her know you're doing great . . . there isn't a parent on this planet that doesn't want to know their kids are happy.


Have lunch with your best guy/gal pal and gossip about movie stars and the woman next door whose seeing the gardner. Intrigue gets the circulation going


Tell someone you love them on a regular basis and watch how they light up. That's worth the price of admission in any world.
 
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