one of my godchildren became my ward at a young age. that's an interesting thing, becoming the parent of a child that you didn't give birth to... which is all men and all adoptive mothers. here's a factoid: you don't have to have been pregnant to get neurologically rewired. just being around babies/children for enough time will spur the rewiring of your brain.

anyways, one incident stands out in my mind distinctly. we went for a pancake supper with my boyfriend. i was (and still am) concerned about sugar in her diet. my boyfriend wryly handed her extra syrup (not that she used it). after some time to recover from the blow, i came to realise the value of what he did. it felt like he wasn't considering her health, but you know, it gave her emotional relief from my motherly intensity and the emotional space to make her own decision about food. looking back, my dad did those sorts of things. his "lack of concern" helped me take risks, which all children need to do to grow out of childhood. that's an important thing men offer, i feel: provide relief from being the object of motherly scrutiny and the opportunity to expand.

but it's hard going for men. it's quite a balancing act to respect and manage a mother's fear (which is not baseless) while performing these fatherly acts. if your girlfriend's children are young, your girlfriend may not have had enough time herself to develop the art of letting go.

my advice is to not get into what your and/or your girlfriend is or isn't doing, has or hasn't done. y'all should come at it from the starting point of the art of parenting and growing as a parent in general.