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Ok, time for J to bare all.
I have experienced, and can relate to these poster(s) situations.
First a couple of things...One, is that there are 3 kinds of men, those that have had performance problems, those that will, and damned liars...Second, most of these problems are mental, brought on by stress, or bad past experiances.
My ex-wife was very selfish, controling, and manipulative, especially when it came to matters of sex. She could, and did behave "normally" from time to time, but most of the time she did not. There was a lot of rejection in my marriage, alot of crossed boundries, and lots of disrespect on her part. We did it before we were married, but she held back, claiming to be against sex before marriage...it turns out she was pretty much against sex after marriage, too. Our sex life declined, until it became "duty sex" on her part, once a month or less, then, the last year we were together, I was cut of completely.
I feel that forcing celebacy (or semi celebacy) on someone is just like forcing any other unwanted sex act...it causes damage. I was worried about how my first time with a new partner would be...would I still be able to function? Fortunately, my first after the divorce was a very passionate, sexual, and sexually knowing woman, and our first time was somewhat spontainious. I did have a couple of problems, but hid them well, and once we got going, it was 2 hours of plowin'...she had 5 O's, and thought I was incredible...that goes along way to bringing a guy's confidence back! In a couple of weeks, my mojo was working again, and I was well on the way back!
Some things that will help...First make sure everything is right, physically with you. Second, educate yourself. Read articles on the web, or this forum, and get counsoling...I did, not for sexual problems, but I did talk about my wife, and other relationships...knowing yourself helps, and a counsoler telling you you're ok does, too!
Lastly, most wives don't behave that way. I've talked to alot of women...most never rejected their husbands, and a surprizing number continued to sleep with their husbands during, and even after the divorce.
Women like my ex, and yours are sexual abusers, and the damage they leave is similar. I got better, and you can, too. Good Luck!!
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