I don't know if those of you who posted will get to read this but I want to say Thank you. Not looking for sympathy... just most people don't hear the good stuff from comments. The brick has fallen & the kick in the butt that I needed. I once was a kind, caring, warm hearted person that never thought this would happen to me. I know that I will go to hell & I live with that. I just got stirred up again when he came back around, if he didn't search I wouldn't be asking the questions about his thoughts. I WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING I want to be the person I once was but it maybe to late after the mistake I've done. If I could erase the time I would but at the moment I don't understand the let go move on part when those questions come into my head that I asked about. I have learned I just wanted to understand his thoughts so I can counter act I wasn't looking to see how I could cheat more