So I open up my school email and lo and behold what is awaiting me there? An invitation from eHarmony to share my "Success Story" and be considered as one of the "Perfect Couples" that obnoxiously go on eH and tell everyone how to have a perfect relationship.

BWAA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!!

OK! ...*snort*....*giggle* let's deal in some facts shall we?

1. I NEVER met anyone on eH. I was rejected over 1000 times, and only had 7 dates out of a 4 year membership.

2. In the last 14 months I have had 3 relationships with 3 wonderful women-all of whom I met on my own accord through eHA. And I didn't pay a penny for the privilege.

3. All three of those relationships ended. So, I am not exactly the type of success story that they would like to promote-no?

So, my query to all of you cool and benevolent Stoopids is this: If eH were insane enough to actually *want* us to pen a column for them (OMG!!), what would YOU write??

Have at it!