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SteveVance SteveVance is offline

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Join Date: Nov 2009

Posts: 22

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So I have noticed over the past 2 years, my level of nervousness is almost a 0 before and during a first date or meeting someone for the first time. I cannot figure out why this is, and I think it is throwing me off and becoming a real issue when it comes to building and maintaining a real relationship.

There are two ways that it is directly affecting the date I believe. One way is best explained in an example:

I was flying the day of this date, and my flight was delayed 5 and a half hours, so I had to call and reschedule for the next day. Ok, no problem. We meet the next day and she says its a good thing we rescheduled because she wasn't feeling so great the night before. I say, yeah my stomach was also feeling a little strange yesterday. She then says in a flirtatious manor, "maybe it was just butterflies before our 1st date".

Here is where not having actual butterflies bites me. Instead of being flirty back, I just say, "haha, nah, I think it was just the airline food" and I can tell she is slightly taken back by the fact that 1, I didn't really flirt back so well, and 2, she didn't make me nervous. Now I know this is a little ridiculous, and it wasn't a date ender or anything and we have been out since then (only to movies though, which is the worst type of date), but still, had I been a little nervous at all, I would have had a much better response and maybe I wouldn't be asking for advice.

The second way it has affected my dating is by making the date and therefore the person just seem less special when I look back. There is no longer that sense of excitement or accomplishment after the date, which leads to bland descriptions about the date, and also the person. Answers to questions about the date that consist purely of, "She was cool, is a teacher, we had fun" instead of, "I had a great time, and I hope she did to because I thought she was great!!".

So my question is, how do I generate that nervousness or excitement again? Is this just a product of becoming more confident? I am not cocky by any means, I am just super confident with my speaking abilities and I am equally as comfortable talking to strangers. So what can I do, or how can I combat these issues without being fake?
- November 4th, 2009, 01:53 am

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