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So sorry for all you've been through!
A couple thoughts ... she does sound like a classic battered woman. You could think of that as similar to a drug addiction, which can help make the nasty stuff she's done to you feel less personal?
You could look up battered womens' facilities in her city and if you contact her, have that info for her. You can't make her do anything about it, but it might help.
A group like Al-Anon might help you separate her addiction out of your relationship with her? I don't know if there are similar groups particularly for relatives with battered-women syndrome but it seems like they might exist. If not, try Al-Anon.
You could sue in small-claims court for the money she stole, if it hasn't been too long. That might help resolve at least that part of things. Part of helping an addict is making them be responsible for the bad stuff their addiction causes -- it's not just about getting the $ back.
I really hope you find a good way through this for yourself, and if what you do helps your sister too that's a windfall.
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