Let me begin with what will be what I feel a pretty long post. I have recently turned matching on eHarmony back on. Yes, that means things didn't work out with my most recent experience in the dating world. After about two months of dating her I slowed learned she wasn't really my type. Several lessons were learned here that I sadly don't think I learned in the past.

I think the first lesson, spend more time communicating before actually dating. I have spoken in the past that my preference would be a date as soon as possible and less time on the phone. The problem with this, it is far too tempting for two people to get physical early on and spend less time talking and getting to know eachother. Basically you end up with a sexual relationship, but when she or he doesn't match your sexual desires the relationship fails. I think that was one aspect.

The second aspect was simply our overall personalities, while she had a great sense of humor which is something I find very important it was a different kind of sense of humor than mine. Also, she did have a slight attitude about always having to be right which gets old very quickly. I think again, I jumped into a "relationship" before I spent enough time actually dating, another lesson learned.

I think the third thing was that for whatever reason I didn't feel a real spark. It is difficult to explain but after two months I didn't feel like she was the one. I could have continued having fun with her but felt that it was dangerous grounds to continue a relationship on that basis instead of just ending the relationship before things progressed to a point where it would have been even more painful later on down the road.

What I really feel bad about is as of recently I have started talking to a friend of mine who lives in New Jersey again. Her and I have communicated on the internet/phone for several years. We have had periods of less communication but we still remain in touch. I spoke about her in a thread on long distance relationships back in June when I wasn't seeing anyone and had plans to visit her in Jersey the last weekend of September. Now of course the last weekend of September I was seeing my now ex-girlfriend and my lady friend in Jersey and I really hadn't talked much so that kind of slipped away and never happened. Now my friend said some things via text message to me that indicated to me she was feeling some jealously. I was honest about how I felt with her remarks and asked her about it and she said "how can I be jealous of something I can't have, though I wish I was".

Lets take a time machine backwards, L. (the girl currently living in Jersey) and I started talking in 2006. We talked nearly every day and would have phone conversations that would last several hours. While those aren't extremely common anymore, when she does call we can manage to have conversations that will last several hours. Usually ending because one of us are about fall asleep. Bottom line, talking to her I do feel that spark but feel the distance issue will always be a problem. I can not afford to make many trips to to see her, I would be lucky to visit one every other month and seriously I don't believe you can have a meaningful relationship that takes place predominantly on the telephone and internet. We have discussed if after we met things went well we would find ways to see each other which would include her possibly visiting me here in Texas. I wouldn't make any rash moves to move to Jersey because she is a student and there is no telling where she will be after she finishes school. All in all it is way too early to discuss any of that. My point was to say though that I feel very close with L. and have often wished the situation were in reverse.

My friend J. told me that I simply had an issue with being happy, and that she felt that what I did was seek things that I can't have. I am not so sure that is true, but I am sure most of you are going to tell me to get a life and stop going over a woman that lives 3000 miles away. Who knows though.

So that is off my chest, I am sure there will be a lot of discussion. In the meantime I need to find some airfare to Jersey. Thinking I will stay in Newark with L. for a couple of days and then get the hostel experience after L. leaves to go back to Maryland with her family mid-way between my trip (she only has a few day window between finals and gong back home to Maryland -- I only have a few days vacation so I am taking the week of Christmas and spending the first few days with L. and the last couple of days in NYC).