I have lived with two men. . .the first I dated for a year before moving in. We were both in law school and moving in together was just a practical way to save money that neither of us had. During the second year we lived together, we got engaged. . .at some point before the wedding I discovered he was up to some . . .things I couldn't live with. . .porn addiction, stalking porn stars, phone sex with classmates, planning trysts with classmates, collecting womens' underwear, very, very strange porn interests (not exactly leaving wet towels on the floor). Had I not been living with him, I probably would not have made that discovery, despite dating him for three years. . . and I would have been dealing with those issues in a marriage.

The second. . .we moved in together with the intention of becoming married the following year, to save for a downpayment on a house. That one wasn't exactly who I thought he was either. . .but that's an even longer story. Anyway, he called off the wedding three weeks before it was to take place. It would have been nice to not be living together then. Let me tell ya. I'm not sure that living together had anything to do with us breaking up, but it did give me the opportunity to really see his ugly side and see the broken engagement as sort of a relief. For instance, I doubt he would have punched holes in the walls of an apartment that I rented by myself. . .

Not too sure how I feel about living together now. It makes it harder to leave a relationship, but at the same time, makes the reasons for leaving pretty apparent. I would agree that commitment is what makes things work, not "trial runs" or anything of that kind, but how the heck can you ever really know that your partner is similarly committed? Finding out you're the only one makes you feel like such an idiot. ..

Oh well, I'm only four months into my current relationship - all that nonsense shouldn't come up for a good long time :-)