eHarmony Advice - View Single Post - How do you break up with a really nice guy?

Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #21 August 17,2009, 7:18pm

Out by the dawn's early light, my love, I will defend your right to try.

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saltndlight wrote :

So tell me Oregon guy, you would be happy if your girlfriend did that to you?
I have a saying:dont' do the others what you don't wish they do to you.
That is very cruel and selfish.
I went through a very hard breakup last year but i must thank my ex that he was honest and gentle at the same time and he never disrespected me.
In the moment it may be hard to accept the true, but after the time you heal and at least you will not hate him/her and can even still respect each other and remain friends.
So my advice is this: start to be more distant so he can "feel" what is happening, refuse to go out with him and lately tell him you don't feel the relationship have a chance for future, but also tell him the good things you saw in him and be friendly.True always hurt less then games or being rude or cruel.Don't use him.
What we sow is what we reap!!!
Time heals everything!

Actually, I did have a g/f once who when she broke up with me, said to me, "When a girl says you're a nice/great guy, but... it means she thinks you're a p**sy. That's what I meant with you." She then went on to say and do what you say is cruel.

In hindsight, I'm grateful that she decided to be candidly honest with me. It helped me to change what was necessary to change within my personality, views, attitude and conduct, in order to build a relationship. If she had not done that and just tried to be gentle, I would have kept assuming that the problem was theirs and would not have looked inwardly to see that the problem was me. This happened during my sophomore year in college. She was the third girl I had ever gone out with.

And yes, later on, I did have a girl break up with me shortly after Christmas, after I had spent money on her. From that, I learned additional signals to look for that spelled a bad relationship, so that I can bail first.

Then again, given the fact I work with teenagers, I may just have a thicker skin than a lot of people...