maybe questioning the reason for wanting a relationship in the first place would help. what sounds more to your liking, a person who expresses the cold, callousness of not 'needing' anyone for a relationship or the warmer, friendlier approach of a person who truly 'wants' a relationship and is willing to work towards making that relationship work
That seems a bit extreme. Just because we don't need to be taken care of or want to "take care of" a man doesn't mean we're callous or cold.
It's very very possible that those of us who are independent and self-sufficient just want someone to have fun with, in whatever form that takes. I don't see where the "nonconnectedness" comes from. You can be very connected to someone without needing to depend on them for anything but good companionship.
Nor does it mean we can't sympathize with a man who needs to tell his story or that we're unwilling to lend moral support to such a person. But there is a difference between being needy/clingy/insecure and simply knowing someone has your back in a crisis, great or small.
I'm in the same boat as the OP. Financially independent and quite comfortable with myself, I seem to attract men who are needy in some form or another. Meanwhile, I admire strong (figuratively speaking) men who can stand on their own without needing any handholding. But those guys seem to like the damsels. 
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