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i've read your posts and i've given it alot of thought. at first i wasn't going to comment on it because it seems to have taken on a life of it's own...albeit, mostly negative attention, which i'm sorry to say, it seems that you thrive on it. It's almost as if you are in the "woe is me, i'm the victim" mode....so with that being said, i'll toss my hat into the ring and give you another side of the story.
i understand exactly how / what your woman is doing because i did the exact same thing.
i think one poster referred to you as a "soft place to land" it couldn't be more true. i dated a man, for almost 3 years. he was nice, decent looking, made a good salary, was caring, loving...everything that SOME woman would want...but not me.
he begged me to marry him, gave me gifts, told me over and over again that he loved me. he even gave me a 3 carat diamond engagement ring..on and on and on...
in the back of my mind, i knew i'd never marry him, i'd never be with him, the more he asked/begged of me, the more i lost respect for him. the more i pitied him, on your knees begging is not a good place to be. but, i'll harshly admit, i put him there and there he was content to stay. begging me...
the moral of what i'm trying to say, is that i basically used him as a safe landing place, because i knew he would always be there...always waiting, always forgiving, always taking me back.
It's not something i'm proud of. we still talk, 6 years later. he did marry and move on. is he happy? not really, because he still holds on to the thought of what might of been with me and him...as for me...i moved on with my life.
I was upfront and honest with him, i told him in the beginning, that i didn't love him, that i didn't see a future for us, but he couldn't/wouldn't believe it. he kept hanging on to every single thing that he could find that would give him the slightest bit of hope...of maybe...of perhaps she'll change her mind...
IF....a major IF....super, major.....IF...(get the point, because you seem a bit dense with this).......IF...... he allowed me to breathe, IF he backed off, IF he left and went on with his own life, instead of constantly, always...every single time, showing up at my place, begging me to take him back, whining, groveling (sorry, i couldn't think of a better word) ...then i probably would have started to respect him and not use him as the doormat that he put himself out to be. i might have seen him differently and i just might have been in a relationship with him today...i might have married him....he was "a good catch". do i miss him, yes, did i love him then? No, because i couldn't breathe when he was with me, he did it for me...it was smothering, i couldn't wait to get away from him, so DLC872 stop....Stop...STop.....STOp.....STOP.....
sorry to be so upfront, harsh, brash...but i do hope you see what you are doing..if.... IF, there is anything, any type of a chance. for this to even blossom...you will have to back off and back down, learn to l ive your own life...a woman (or a man) can't fall in love with someone that they do not respect..once respect is gone, or never established...then it is doomed...I do hope you will at least be open to this advice..or else, me as well as the others are wasting our time in giving this any more energy...as the old Greek saying goes...."You can knock all day at a deaf man's door"...i'm hoping you will "hear" what it is I and the others are trying to tell you....O.K., stepping down from the soap box now.....
~*Our Children*~
~*for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow*~
~*which you cannot visit*~
~*not even in your dreams*~
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