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tbesq tbesq is offline

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Bluecondor wrote :

redevil999, wrote :





I'm entitled and, frankly, smart to be cautious. So these guys that talk about what gentlemen they are, etc., don't they want to make me comfortable before meeting them? I've read over and over about how if women won't provide a pic or don't want to meet right away that they are closed or blown-off... How considerate can I expect them to be in the future if they have no respect for my sense of safety?

Guys, weigh in here please, I'm really asking for your input. Thanks for your time.


Honestly - it's too bad that you are not one of my matches (I am in Pittsburgh), because I am in complete agreement with this and your hesitation to meet wouldn't even make me blink.





In online dating, I feel like it is a guy's responsibility to go to create lengths to both create a safe environment for the date and to demonstrate his willingness to respect boundaries. The guy you talk about in your original post is way out of line, in my opinion, by barely answering your questions and then seemingly giving you an ultimatum that you had better agree to meet or else he's not going to waste his time with you. I don't expect women from online to agree to meet me in person until we can fill in the details a little bit on one another. As soon as someone has your personal email and phone number, they can easily gain access to you. I think you have to earn this trust over repeated positive email exchanges over the few weeks that will make the woman comfortable enough to want to trust you more.





And - the irony is that I actually prefer fast track communication, as I am pretty good at making people feel at ease when they talk to me. But - if someone prefers to email first before taking to the phone and in person, it is fine with me. Like Scott, I also prefer the coffee after work first meeting/date, as this shows that you are being reasonable with someone who barely knows you.
I agree that you need to know enough information about a person to be comfortable meeting them in person, but I don't think you have to deliberately drag it out over a period of weeks.


The shortest time I communicated with someone openly before a meet was about 3 days. The longest was about two weeks, and only because she was out of town for a week. Some people may the mistake of falling in love with someone's e-mail persona, and being sorely disappointd when they person they meet IRL is totally different, or that no real chemistry exists.


If you have any kind of success at eHarmony, you'll receive hundreds of matches. You can't expect people to put their online dating lives on hold just for you. Being cautious, but not too cautious. When two people meet, one is as much a stranger as the other. If you want to proceed at a snail's pace, it may be better to try other dating services, or at least onces not as expensive as eH.
- January 12th, 2009, 02:08 pm

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