I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling right now. Not that there's ever a good time of year to find out something like this, but the holidays are especially filled with expectations of a different kind, are a hectic time, and having heartache arrive in the mix is...well, I expect it's overwhelming.


The first thing I would do is take some time...disconnect from as much as you can, let some of the rawness pass. Get lots of rest, eat and drink things that are healthy and good for you, and surround yourself with family and friends who will be supportive.


I don't know the details of your circumstances, but I can offer some suggestions to think about once the first wave of pain passes.


If this was a one-off situation...if there were extenuating circumstances...the marriage was generally healthy and this was a just a horrible mistake that he made once, couples counseling might help you both.


If there were issues in the relationship that weren't communicated, for whatever reason, and it created some dynamic that led to a one-off affair, couples counseling might help you both.


If, when you are able to get past the initial pain and gain a bit of distance from the situation, you think back and see areas of your marriage where things were not working right, there might be a starting point for dialogue.


None of this is to say that anyone but your husband is responsible for his behavior. Cheating is a choice, just like anything else, and the person who actively makes that choice is responsible for it.


You may find, if you care to look, that there is more history there than just one affair. Some folks slip and fall once. Others seem to spend their whole lives on a slippery slope.


Cheating, in my experience, usually comes down to a handful of things...there are those with low self-esteem and low impulse control who cannot resist temptation. There are those with hidden anger issues who seek to reassert some control on their lives by cheating. There are those who have communication issues...with themselves and/or with others....who spend their whole lives living a lie rather than being honest, or who, in some cases, allow one lie...that they aren't happy with some aspect of themselves or their present relationship, to dictate their behavior.


As BikerBeagle said, if there is true remorse, and especially with your long history together, there is some possibility for reconciliation. But, trust is a delicate thing, easily broken and hard to mend. Only you can decide what to do. We are all just people here and you really should be talking to a professional counselor to work through some of your feelings and have some guidance on where to go next with this. You can Google "choosing a therapist" or something of that sort to find guidelines for selecting a counselor. Certainly, please don't make any decisions based on what you read here. We are, most of us, well-meaning, but hardly qualified to give you what you need, other than a sympathetic ear and some kind words.


My best wishes go out to you, though.