I realized this weekend that I've been going about this whole dating thing wrong. I joined eHarmony in the hopes that I would find someone I would really "click" with and be able to get into a long term relationship with little down time.


I didn't want to be alone. I really wanted someone with whom I could share my life. That's what I had and lost.


What I realize this weekend was that it was going to be a lot harder than that because my wife and I did almost EVERYTHING together.


So, I'm glad I didn't pay for months and months of eH ahead of time. The last time I renewed was just before New Year's and I got 2 months for free with my renewel. 2 months, that I will likely not use.


I know now that any romantic relationship I get involved in at the moment (and there is someone who is interested in that with me) is going to be a transition and possibly even a rebound. Obviously, I'm going to have to let her know some how that I feel I'm not ready for a long term relationship and while I value her friendship, I'm not willing to risk hurting her with a possibly ugly rebound. Plus, I know in my heart that I would really be settling, and I don't want to do that.


So, what's next? I guess I have to take things one day at a time and enjoy my time with my friends. Vacations will be really hard because I don't like traveling alone, but I'm not sure how good of an idea it is to take a week off and hang around at home with just me and my brain. I have one vacation scheduled in August, but that's for a convention that's in town, so I'll be really busy and surrounded by people I like. I have more time scheduled for the time between Christmas and New Year's. That's also a busy time of year, plus it's 11 months away. So, I still have about a week left to use.


Part of me wants to go to Virginia Beach for a week. It would be inexpensive for me since I can use a timeshare there. I also have recently reconnected with a lot of high school classmates and I can spend some of my time there visiting with them. Likewise, I have friends in Texas I could go spend some time with, some of whom I grew up with when I lived in Germany. That would be slightly more expensive though, because it's about 5 hours longer to drive and I'd have to pay a transfer fee to use the Timeshare there. Still, that would be a true change of scenery, as I've never been to Texas before. Plus, I could combine that trip with a trip to a convention in June, thus giving myself something to do. Of course, neither of those solves my immediate needs.


Oh well, now I'm rambling. Just wanted to put some of my thoughts into words somewhere where people with shared experiences could read it.