Most people have heard that “playing hard to get” is an essential part of dating. Our friends, movies (Swingers, He’s Just Not That into You), television shows (Sex and the City, Entourage, Friends), and advice books reinforce the concept of “playing hard to get” over and over, where it seems to be a must when dating. On one hand, you do not want to seem too eager or overzealous about a new person because you might be perceived as desperate or annoying. On the other hand, if they have not communicated with you for over two weeks or after calling them two or three times (and why three?) then they are probably just not that into you (and not just “playing hard to get”). So where does that leave you? Is the principle of “playing hard to get” really a dating essential and does it really work? Do we have to jump through the hoops of “playing hard to get” even if we like the other person?
Should I “play hard to get?”
If you are a woman, surveys say yes. These studies have found that women who are physically attractive, appear healthy and youthful, and are “hard to get” correlates with them being reproductively valuable to men. In other words, “playing hard to get” is a tactic used by women that show men that they are something to be valued and therefore are more desirable to men. Women that “play hard to get” give the appearance that they are more selective in choosing a mate and will not just date (or for that matter mate) just any guy. We know from earlier blogs how high-maintenance women use this tactic in spades. This theory suggests that “playing hard to get” functions to test a man’s motivation, ability to invest resources (time, money, effort, etc.), and/or a sign of his fidelity. Therefore it is reasonable to assume that “playing hard to get” is a beneficial tactic for women to use.
But what about men, should they play hard to get? Read more to find out…
Gian Gonzaga, Ph.D., Senior Director of Research & Development
Grant Langston, Senior Director of Content, eHarmony Advice
Jeannie Assimos, Managing Editor, eHarmony Advice
Erina Lee, Director, Senior Research Scientist
Heather Setrakian, MA, Researcher
Emily Maywood, MS, Researcher
Jonathan Beber, Researcher
Becky Teraoka, Corporate Communications
Playing games of any sort is ridiculous . But then again, I guess a woman should be a lil selective in who they get with(or else you end up with a chick who’s been around the block one to many times). LoL
Grrrrr playing games drives me bonkers. It is so juvenile. Why can’t people just be themselves and do what they feel and want. If you want to call me, CALL ME. If you want to text me, TEXT ME. Why do people over think things and do what they THINK will get them ahead in the game. It actually has the opposite effect with me. I’m too old for that!
Stay infrotamive, San Diego, yeah boy!