The phrase “high maintenance woman” casually refers to a woman who places exceptionally high standards on herself and her dating partner. She spends an excessive amount of time on herself. She makes hoop-jumping seem like a normal part of dating, is constantly making their partners prove their worthiness either through displays of affection, commitment or status – which she may or may not reciprocate. According to researchers, “high maintenance” is just today’s term for a well-tuned competition strategy to win over a high mate-value partner. Everyone wants to maximize their chances of getting the best partner possible, but considering all the work, is it worth it dating a high maintenance woman?
“Ingrid Bergman- now she’s low maintenance.
-Low maintenance?
There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
-And Ingrid Bergman’s low maintenance?
An LM, definitely.
-Which one am I?
You’re the worst kind. You’re high maintenance but you think you’re low maintenance.”
***
The above scene from ‘When Harry Met Sally’ brought the concept of the “high maintenance woman” into everyday conversations on love and dating. While I do think that Harry was a bit harsh on Sally, we’ve all encountered a truly high maintenance woman. Just about everyone tries to “spruce themselves up” for a dating partner; this type of woman might demand perfection in one or more of these areas. High maintenance women just “want it the way they want it” and settling for something less is just unacceptable. Considering all the work involved, is it worth dating a high maintenance woman?
Why are some women high maintenance?
Researchers who study the tactics of mate attraction probably saw the movie and said, “of course! That’s just evolution at work.” High maintenance is just today’s term for a well-tuned competition strategy to win over a high mate-value partner. The evolutionary theory of mate choice starts with the idea that reproductive success is the foundation for choosing a mate. Everyone wants to maximize their chances on having strong healthy offspring. Men therefore should be looking for women who are young and attractive (since those are tells of fertility), while women should be looking for men who are resourceful, high-status and able to stick around to raise the offspring. These would be considered high mate-value partners. Considering the risk involved for women in choosing a mate to have children with (e.g., he could leave, he could be unfaithful, or there might be issues in conceiving or raising children), it behooves her to know her value and choose the highest status partner available.
Each individual has a constellation of these traits that would translate into an overall mate value. Those that possessed these desirable characteristics have a higher mate value (a ‘10’) than those without (a ‘4’), and could therefore be choosier in their partner acquisition strategy. Of course, with a limited pool of partners, competition would arise within each side to gain the attention of high value mates, particularly for those who could display those coveted characteristics. So by example, in modern times make-up, clothing choices, altering appearance and/or flirting- these could be seen as tactics utilized by women in competition with other women for the high-status man’s attention. High maintenance women are just utilizing all possible resources for the win. Darwin coined this phenomenon intrasexual selection: competition between members of the same-sex for access to members of the opposite sex for mating. Today we call it many things; most of which can’t be reprinted here- but the concept is usually depicted in movies where hot girls sabotage each other for comedy’s sake while the nerd wins out. That’s real, right?
But we’re already in a relationship. When does all the grooming stop being about me, and start being about her?
We covered in a previous blog how both partners use different retention strategies to keep their mate around. According to evolutionary theory, it may all be about you- even when it’s about her. Following this theory, a woman needs to not only get a partner, but keep him from straying. Research shows that women (young women especially) will guard their mates closely: enhancing their appearance, signaling to other women that their partner is off the market, or using emotional manipulation to keep a partner close. It’s possible that a high maintenance woman is taking hours to get ready to signal to her partner that she’s of high value (and worth waiting around for), and to signal to others that her status is not to be competed against. She thinks she needs to look her best to make sure her man doesn’t wander. And if her partner is similarly high value, then she probably needs to utilize every available resource to make sure he doesn’t cheat.
Is she just insecure deep down?
Many would like to think that high maintenance women are just insecure little girls in need of an empathetic and committed partner to provide a bridge back to vulnerability (and sweat pants in public) but this might not be the case. High maintenance women may just have exceedingly high self-esteem, even if it’s based on shallow standards. Research on non-pathological narcissists (those without a disorder but more likely to be the ones bragging for no reason in a team meeting) establish that these individuals have elevated levels of self-esteem- deriving more from their own perceptions of value than from their perceived likability by others. They are also aware of how they come off- and just don’t care. Their own self-interest is more important than their sense of community. But there is an upside: they are also less likely to get anxious or depressed. If you are dating her know that she may not change, but she won’t get depressed about it, either. A high-maintenance woman might be perfectly comfortable with her dating insensitivity- as long as it gets her a high value mate.
Does this mean high maintenance women are snobs?
Maybe. It depends in part on how the woman perceives herself relative to other women (i.e., her perceived mate value). If a woman thinks that she has better resources and can win the competition to acquire a similarly valued partner, then she isn’t going to settle for someone perceived as having a lower mate value, especially for a long term relationship. In fact, research shows that both men and women generally express a higher minimum standard of qualities when thinking about a long term relationship over a short term one.
Should I avoid dating a high maintenance woman?
Well, that depends — are you a high mate-value partner? While the movies want to depict mis-matched mate values as romantic, ‘10s’ and ‘4s’ rarely if ever go out together long term. If you’re impatiently waiting for your partner while she does her make-up, or changes her outfit again, but are not a high-status partner, it’s possible that this pairing may not stand the test of time. If you’re the high-status partner, then her attempts to retain you might also fall short.
While both men and women look for a balance of qualities for an ideal mate, a potential partner needs to fall into an acceptable minimum level on each dimension or they just aren’t going to be considered. Those who perceive themselves as having a high mate value will be less willing to compromise. Think of this as the opposite-sex friend who you laugh with but have zero physical attraction for- it’s just not going to happen. Considering the stakes, it’s best to know your mate value, and do your best to find someone that matches you. If you think your value is going to leave you on the wrong side of the dating pool, elevating your own mate-value might be the best way to snag a higher value partner.
A question remains: From an evolutionary standpoint, do high maintenance women make good mothers? While the theory mentions that reproductive success is the fundamental goal of any pairing, modern times and common sense need to consider the long term. Having the prettiest girl who is completely self-absorbed might be an advantage in some situations, but possibly a disadvantage three unruly (but beautiful) kids and one messy house later. One should consider whether a high maintenance woman is going to transition her focus from being the best mate to being the best family member.
References:
Buss, D. (1988). The evolution of human interasexual competition: Tactics of mate attraction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (54)4 616-628.
Regan, P. (1998). Whaat if you can’t get what you want? Willingness to compromise ideal mate selection standards as a function of sex, mate value, and relationship context. PSPB (24) 12, 1294-1303.
Buss, D. and Shackelford, T.K. (1997). From vigilance to violence: Mate retention tactics in married couples. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (72)2 346-361.
Sedikides, C., Rudisch, E., Gregg, A., Kumashiro, M. and Rusbult, C (2004). Are normal narcissists psychological healthy?: Self-esteem matters. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87 (3), 400-416. DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.87.3.400
Gian Gonzaga, Ph.D., Senior Director of Research & Development
Grant Langston, Senior Director of Content, eHarmony Advice
Jeannie Assimos, Managing Editor, eHarmony Advice
Erina Lee, Director, Senior Research Scientist
Heather Setrakian, MA, Researcher
Emily Maywood, MS, Researcher
Jonathan Beber, Researcher
Becky Teraoka, Corporate Communications
There is nothing philosophical, mysterious, or real about a HM woman, no matter how she may try to re-define the definition. In the real world, this type of woman is, an over the top, narcissistic freak who firmly believes, based solely on her so called beauty, not intellect, she is entitle to whatever she wants: usually from the man/men she is dating or married too. The only high standards a HM chick is concerned about is in her own appearance and what she can gain out of it. The buck stops there. Here is my definition of a HM woman based on many, many, years of sport boinking them behind there henpecked boyfriends/husbands back.
This shallow nut case, aka GD (gold digger), UDC(Undercover whore), HIT(hoe in training), NSWH(non-street walker hoe) *guys like me even have names for them* is so embolden by the constant adulation from desperate guys, she eventually buys into her own BS and becomes a legend in her own head. That is the genesis of this type of warped attitude. As a result, this type of woman has the audacity to place exceedingly high expectations on all those who come in contact with her, particularly the men she dates, based solely on her appearance alone. Every guy must now measure up to this often hot, but extremely over -rated, empty headed, self absorbed, wind bag. But the only guys HM women can exert their influence on are desperate, insecure, “yes, men,” with no backbone, average or below average in appearance (meaning he poses no threat of dumping her or being desired by anyone as so called hot as her), often much older and has lots of money or so she thinks to fund her HM lifestyle. Thus, her main reason for choosing him in the first place. Money, security, and of course he is a royal butt kisser to the highest order who will give her everything she wants. Nice setup. And the perfect scenario for a guy like me…
… who, while this over-rated trick is dating or married to Johnny generous aka Clueless, in most cases, a guy like me is on speed dial in that HM chicks head and polishing her grill like a set of pristine rims on my car, at his expense, on a regular bases. While on that conference, or girls only vacation, or whatever trip she takes, far, far, away from Billy Boring, she is getting bent, flipped, and twisted in more ways than a gymnast doing a floor routine in the Olympics, while getting probed deeper than a submarine in the Pacific Ocean on a secret mission, in every zone, by that way above average looking guy she told clueless “he’s not my type at all.” You know the one she pretends not to ever notice because she prefers personality over looks. Whatever. In truth, the only thing that brings HM chick down to earth is a really hot guy she finds attractive, who can take or leave her, and will tell her to her face she is a flake if she gets out of pocket. She boinks him, because she already has a fool at home, who kisses her butt and buys her everything she wants. But a real man with a dark side is hard to resist. It’s purely sexual with guys like me. And that’s great. I don’t want to keep her, just borrow her for a little while. She doesn’t need anything material from me, she just wants to get laid by a really hot looking guy she likes who actually finds her appealing enough to boink in the first place. It’s part of that whole the self absorb me, me, me, HM attitude she has. She needs to know she still got what it takes to be desired physically by a guy she wish could land and keep, but she knows she can’t because he’s not desperate enough to buy into her HM BS. He has more options, unlike JGs, and doesn‘t need to settle for her. Therefore she has no expectations, other than getting boink really, really well. And they almost always come back, baring gifts, using the boyfriends/husband money. One thing I will say that is in their favor, at least the ones I know, they are not promiscuous. When they find the guy who can hit that itch the way they like they will come back to the same spot again as long as they can get away with it. That’s a fact. So if you are a guy dating or married to a HM chick and think she’s not boinkin a guy like me on the side, or won’t if she gets the opportunity, then she hit the jackpot choosing the right sucker to be a HM chick with.
HM chicks are as committed as the options that lay before them and the money they can spend in exercising those options without getting caught. An HM chick can play the role of a good wife or mother, but her heart isn’t in it, and if you look close enough you can see the crack in her fake persona forming in her forehead as she tries. These types of self – absorb women place the need to be desired far above anything else of real substance. Image is everything to them. But she can only roll around in a guys money and snazzy jewelry so long, before, getting bored, and her body starts yearning for something different and more satisfying. If your swingers, problem solved. If not, sooner or later, when the opportunity presents itself and all the bases are covered, she will make a move; and if she is hot, (very important) she will end up doing the only thing she was ever really, truly, any good at: having her legs in the air, feet and toes flexing towards the ceiling, and using the lords name in vain with a guy like me who could care less about her and only in it for the sex. Hallaluyaaaaaa!
i thought eharmony is supposed to be for those of us who are serious about finding a life partner… if you’re all about “boinking” married women what in the world are you doing on eharmony? i pray you never show up on my match page….
Well said, Valentin…hahahahaha. Sounds like this guy had a bad experience.
Wow, You are serious!
Wow. You’ve spent way too much time thinking about HMW. Time that you clearly are not using to have a healthy relationship. Looks more like you want to write for Playboy.
Vanknight- you are dead on the money and it’s refreshing to read something so honest, even if it’s raw….insightful to those with an open mind and lack of defensive ego;)
Despite all your bluster, you seem bitter about this topic.
Why do you fear such women–do HM women make you feel inferior?
I don’t see anybody else commenting on this HM women subject…I am wondering why? Only this gentleman is talking, meanwhile no women are here to agree or disagree with this comments, I am going to remain cautiously neutral, however, I think some HM women need to come out and speak up and say something on their own defense, so this whole argument can be balanced. I am not a HM woman nor do I claim to be someone who doesn’t take care of herself either, but I think that to make such a distasteful comment about HM women is also leading to the assumption that HM women are nothing more than sluts! Somehow, I don’t think this subject has been argued fairly and balanced. I admire women who take care of themselves and try to look good all the time not for men to notice them but, because they love themselves and care for themselves so much as to look their best no matter where they go or what they do for a living. I believe that a woman is naturally feminine, only some are more concerned with their appearance rather than what people say about them, it is for example, in my case, I am not into impressing men or anybody else, but I do like to take care of my body, I work out daily, I eat healthy, I love to look beautiful in my own ways…that means neatly dressed, my hair is groomed and I love my make up and my nails polished…does that make me a slut? If I didn’t take care of my body and look abandoned, my face looks tired, my body is overweight…do you think I would feel good looking like that? I don’t think so!! I lived with a horrible man who was my husband and he never cared about me, he spent money on himself controlled everything and never allowed me to buy lotion or anything simple to care for my body…so I was depressed, sad and overweight, after I divorced him, I became myself, new and improved, today you will never recognize me..if you only knew me before… I lost 40lbs, I kept it off for more than 3 years, my body looks great, and I feel great… I am beautiful and sexy! So, maybe I turned into a HM woman but I am not a SLUT!
Those people who label anyone who takes care of herself a “slut” are generally just jealous.
I am low-maintenance. I take care of myself, but don’t panic if I leave the house without makeup.
My ex-husband was seriously abusive, and I refuse to “let myself go”, because that’s letting him win. His 2nd wife looks 20 years older than I, mostly because she hasn’t taken care of herself. I feel sorry for her. He’ll be berating her about her weight, her hair, and everything else for as long as she can stand it, and then some.
I’ve gained weight in the 30 years since high school, but I work out, and look great for my age. I keep my hair colored/highlighted/trimmed, mani/pedi at home weekly, and so on. I don’t leave the house looking like I’ve just been cleaning the garage.
As far as I’m concerned, that’s a sign of laziness and a lack of interest in having a partner who’s proud to introduce you as his/her significant other.
Whoever said the best revenge is living well was right.
Wowzers. I am since married, but when I was dating- I did consider myself high maintenence. I am a working model and have been for the past 13 or so years. I also have a business degree. It isnt just about looks. Yes, I take time to make sure I look nice, but that is only the tip of the ice berg. I work hard, had my own house, car, and expected the same of any man I’m dating. Anything less was unacceptable to me. I know where my life was headed and was looking for a man that was as motivated as I was. I dated alot of guys before I met my husband. Many of those dates were just 1 or 2 times out with the person til I knew if we were on the same page. Usually, we werent! My husband was the 4th guy I met on Eharmony and weve been married for almost 2.5 years now with a baby on the way. Life has been great!
ps- vanknight. . . you sound like you hate women. Good luck in dating!
OOooooooo – bad labels – make for bad relationships. What about somewhere in between and it can fluctuate at any time? If there isn’t a call for high maintenance, at times, then there isn’t self esteem to begin with (not truly knowing what Ingrid’s issue was other than wanting to be alone). Low maintenance can’t be all that good either. Truth is that the woman maintains herself, first and foremost. That’s real!
Good to see the lines from WHMS kicking this off
I am generally low maintenance. I am clean and orderly, but if I can’t just throw it on and move…forget it. I probably would not attract a wealthy man because I am never looking for him. My casualness never deters men, but if somebody thinks that I am going to step up to wear loads of make up or get overly flashy, they are going to get disappointed really fast…Bohemian out..:).
What’s the point in dating a HM women? Her approach to life is too self-centered. Why is overly concerned about herself. There are plenty of attractive women that respect themselves but a more reasonable and neutral in disposition.
You hit the nail on the head. Anyone who thinks he/she is the center of the universe is going to make for a very lopsided relationship.
Most of the people I went to high school with look nothing now like they did 30 years ago. For the most part, they look far worse, yet some of them are in blissfully happy relationships with an equally so-so-looking person. Why? Because they fell in love with the part of a person that has lasting beauty – the inside. Those who married high-maintenance partners are mostly divorced and/or miserable. Just because a princess/hunk types may lose their looks over the years doesn’t mean that they’re going to become lower-maintenance. If that were the case, most plastic surgeons couldn’t afford to run a practice!
I was married to a high maintenance woman for a few years and SO glad that it ended. Yes, she is gorgeous! Yes, she kept a clean house. But beware if you didn’t meet the image she wanted. And it was all about image and getting things for herself. It didn’t matter how much she got, it was never enough. And then she complained when I worked too much in order to get what she wanted. Nothing satisfied. And I made over 6 figures. And I see the same thing happening with her BF now… I hope he learns before he gets hurt too much. And he and I are both high income earning professionals and good looking men. I doubt she ever cheated, on me or him.
My mother was a beautiful, high-maintenance woman. She dressed her kids like ragamuffins, beat us, belittled us, and when my sister and I became teenagers, it really made her feel like last year’s model, and she couldn’t take it. She went so far as to cut my long hair to medium length and it looked like crap – all in an effort to make herself look more attractive in comparison. As if we were interested in the same age group? Please.
Living with her 14-carat tastes, never satisfied with my dad’s efforts. He died of stroke at 53 trying to make her happy, although she bragged she hadn’t slept with him in 9 months because he wouldn’t double her allowance (she had a good job).
She’s on husband #4, and he’s like a trained lapdog. He does whatever she says, and acts like he loves it, because he knows who pays the bills (my dad’s estate).
Most women aren’t gorgeous, and as a result, most of us have had to develop social skills, homemaking skills, a sense of humor, and other things that give us value on the marriage market.
Ever hear the nursery rhyme containing the line “My face is my fortune, sir, she said”? If the packaging is the only thing a woman has going for her, odds are good she’s self-centered and doG help the man who marries. I can think of only one HM woman who is actually nice, pleasant-tempered, and not stuck on herself. She’s my best friend, and most women would love to hate her, if they could find one chink in her armor. The fact is, she makes as much of an effort to please her husband as she expects him to make to please her.
I never cease to be amazed at how many overweight bald guys with 3 teeth firmly believe they deserve at least a supermodel. Women tend to hold much lower standards for the men they date than men do for the women they date. This is totally backwards, but they usually don’t realize until one bad marriage and three kids too late.
Loved your sharing!
I know a HM women who just went through Breast cancer. Her son moved across the nation to get away from her. She is completely oblivious as to why people are not around her supporting her.
I visit to lend some support but she is VERY difficult to ‘deal’ with, and I’m drain when I finally reach ‘fresh air’. Everyone is a servant, or at least treated like one. She even offered to pay me to come and stay with her! And then immediately started to give me orders. People can only take her in small doses.
She is in therapy now. But it is only to have a ‘willing’ ear, to receive sympathy she can not receive from anyone else,.. she confesses. It doesn’t ever stop and she is never in ‘good’ enough health to be ‘happy’. Always demanding attention, at her bedside. She is not a hypochondriac, but a demanding HM women who can never be satisfied. She was married to a lawyer, who passed in his 50′s.
I feel for your painful upbringing. Vindictiveness and/or jealousy in a mother, or anyone you trust to love you, tears at the roots of your soul. It’s hard to forgive but you have to,… for yourself. Forgiveness is not for them, it saves you. I work on it daily. Check Judith and Francis McNutt on line. They have been very helpful to me in my healing, and cutting the painful emotional soul ties of my past.
High maintenance from the time I was in high school over 30 years referred to a woman who would demand constant economic benefits from her date, ie: expensive gifts, expensive dates, and they are almost always a whiner, a complainer, a needy thing needing reassurance, from trivial issues from a broken finger nail, to her paint wearing off her finger nails, and will you please kiss it for her! Are these women usually more attractive…. usually but not always. They certainly consider themselves more attractive than other women. I also know there are women NOT like this, so if you are not like this and offended by this, trust me they are out there. Are these women WORTH the overall price to date, to marry, to have a life of hell? Absolutely NOT!
Walk away, while you still can!
I think wealthy men are attracted to high maintenance women…I think it is about the prestige. If those women are not high mantenance, they certainly appear to be.
HM can go two ways. Many successful men want HM attractive women as their “arm candy” to show other people that they are a success. Another point not taken – is the fact that making yourself look beautiful, makes you feel beautiful and adds to your self image. I did my own little research project. One day I went into a department store with my hair pulled back, a bandana on my head, no make-up and an average looking outfit. I purchased something, went to write a check – and had to provide every piece of information I owned. I went back to the same store the following week – make-up hair and outfit – purchased something with a check, and was only asked for my phone number to be written on the check.
I have a very different spin on the meaning of high maintenance. When I hear it, it makes me think of a woman with unresolved issues in need of being propped up by having someone in their life. Its like a old old home that is falling apart and needs a team of contractors to MAINTAIN it, that is my image.
Women like this can be anyone from a glamorous, sexy looking celebrity to a dowdy, shy, self conscious unassuming woman and all points along such a spectrum of personality. To me it is a term about the psychological health of the person. Attractive HM woman can perhaps get away with it more because they offer physical beauty but a man with strong self esteem will not connect with them because he wants more than just that. He seeks meaningful connection and any initial interest he had will soon fade. Her HM attitude will slowly and systematically alienate rather than endear her to him.
I would much much much rather date someone low maintenance. It is a person with healthy self esteem that does not need to be supported with money trinkets and excessive platitudes. Low maintenance has nothing at all to do with social status wealth or such it is a measure of how they value themselves and others. They do not need to be “filled up” constantly to understand their self worth since they derive it from within.
The reality is that couples connect up along the lines of self esteem and not just physical attraction. Attraction plays an initial role but ultimately it will be a connection of self esteem equality that will cement the bond.
High maintenance women will get high maintenance men, Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Donald Trump are a few obvious examples. This will be their prize in the end and honestly good riddance as it removes them from the selection pool. If you do not believe me watch the celebrity media circus for the many many recurring examples of the few I just mentioned.
Its interesting the low maintenance people never enter such a spot light, they don’t need it, they shine from within.
Mark
This is for all the men that say they are not interested in HMW. I myself am not a HMW I believe. During most of the week, I spend most of my time working & around my house & running errands. While doing those things I just have on old jeans, t- shirt, no make-up, & my hair not done. Where as on the weekend, when I go out, I dress up, do my hair, & wear make-up. The funny thing about you men who are bad mouthing HMW is if I posted a picture of me during the week without make-up & hair done most of you would not be interested in someone who looked that way. So most of you are being two faced.
Truly pretty women look best to me without makeup.
I think you are missing the point here. HM women are not necessarily better looking they are just ‘high achievers’. To use your example Ingrid Bergman was low maintenance. High maintenance women work hard to raise their level, so actually if you seem like a’match’, she’s probably inferior to you genetically because she’s relying on makeup, clothes etc to enhance her apparent value.
Better to go for a match in value who is low maintenance because then you are getting a really good deal.
I think to be fair when some one starts judging if the woman is high maintenence by what criteria are you judging by.I have had people think I am high maintenence by others making judgments on only knowing one side of the coin.I have been in a long term (years)relationship where in the begininning I did at least 70% of all the giving if not more.It included traveling out of state on my dollar mostly.After I tried speaking to this person on believing they should be putting out more, they felt like I was being to “needy”I also have health issues that stress makes my health alot worse.The other person is very healthy.This is not made up.I tried talking about this issue also, especially as more and more time went on.It seemed like my words went in one of his ears and out the other.As time went on I didn’t even want to ask for anything anymore since it just echoed back to me that the words, “I need” kept coming out of my mouth.I had to walk away finally, though its been very difficult.Those outside of the relationship in his family probably see it from his words of how “needy” I was.Thats what Ive heard anyways.I do not believe it is my place to hunt them out and tell my side of the story. I think their are needs that are more like “wants” and can be greedy. But somethings are truly needs. I do not consider myself high maintenence, but honest and very giving.I just have finally learned to say no to some things and stick up for myself in areas I “need” to be healthy emotionally, spiritually and physically.
Nothing wrong with letting people know your needs and not accepting any less. A lot of times women give in too easily and try to be a great girlfriend or wife to someone who doesn’t care nearly as much about them. I’m still learning to stand up for what I need…and more importantly, walk away when I’m not getting it (instead of waiting and pleading and hoping someday he’ll feel generous enough to give it to me).
It is pretty simple there is someone for everyone. There are HM women and there are men looking for HM women.
A different kind of high maintenance…
I’ve always called myself high maintenance, but have always defined it differently as I didn’t realize the HM referred primarily to looks.
I am a 29 year old average looking (beautiful face but 40 lb overweight probably equals average more or less)- but I’m ambitious and intelligent, have a great career, and am a definite driver type.
I’m probably a pain in the ass to date because I seem to only attract low status guys- who will compromise in the looks department because I represent confidence, success and power. But of course Im not attracted to these guys…Im only attracted to men who are as high status as me. Of course these men don’t date average looking women with above average intelligence.
And as a side note, as I work to lose weight it gets even worse because as I become more physically attractive I become even more disappointed. Now the lower status men are too intimidated to talk to me and the high status ones pick up on the fact that I’m not the “pretty girl” type and I’m too sassy to be worth the trouble.
The obvious answer might be to stop being such a be-otch, but those are the qualities that got me the success I have had, considering I’ve been a particularly clever fat girl my whole life. It’s difficult to change my stripes even as I learn that I am pretty after all.
‘In the real world, this type of woman is, an over the top, narcissistic freak who firmly believes, based solely on her so called beauty, not intellect, she is entitle to whatever she wants.’
AND HERE LADIES AND GENTS, YOU HAVE THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THE MALE COUNTERPART OF HM.
VANKNIGHT: THOUGH THIS JUST A CLIP OF WHAT YOU WROTE, IN YOUR ENTIRE DESCRIPTION OF A HMW, YOU HAVE DESCRIBED YOURSELF PERFECTLY. HOW FASCINATING, AND HOW INCREDIBLY REVEALING THIS IS ABOUT YOU!
SHALLOW AND A FOOL.
I think it is okay to be HM like “HotWifey from Texas” above. However, for most women, vanknight is right and most guys are too blind to see it and adds fuel to their BS fire.